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Oh yes, left MI for VA Beach and lived there for 4 years. I understand what you're saying about identity crisis, but it's a great area. To be honest, my wife's cousin asked "what state is that in, West Virginia?". Another person thought it was in Florida. Geography, people!
I grew up in Norfolk. It's the only "real city" there
When referring to the whole area, I say "Tidewater." That's what the place was called when I was growing up. We went to Met Park to cheer on the Tidewater Tides AAA baseball team. There was a Tidewater Sharks football team too.
Hampton Roads, the body of water separating the two sides of the metro, was always called Hampton Roads, but I don't remember hearing the name used as a name for the whole region until probably the early 1990s, and it probably became the preferred term among regional leaders by the mid-to-late 90s. I didn't like it, and still it sounds stupid to me. It would be like the NYC area branding itself as "Long Island Sound" or the Cleveland metro calling itself "Lake Erie."
Also I think even if people have heard the name "Hampton Roads," many don't know that it comes from the name of a body of water called Hampton Roads. It's confused with the City of Hampton, VA sometimes. The City of Hampton is one city in Hampton Roads. I remember when the Tidewater Sharks football team changed its name to the Hampton Roads Sharks, news sources in other cities referred to the team as the Road Sharks [from Hampton, VA]. Still others have probably heard the name Hampton Roads and believe there is a city in Virginia named Hampton Roads.
Long story short (too late), I'm familiar with all options. I hate the name Hampton Roads (when used to describe anything other than the harbor). I like "Tidewater," but "Norfolk" or "the Norfolk area" are probably better and easier to understand.
I often heard concerts advertised at "Hampton Roads Coliseum" when I was growing up...now called Hampton Coliseum. It used to get major acts back in the 80s.
Hampton Roads and Tidewater are two names that can describe the same metropolitan region in Southeastern Virginia. There are 7 small-medium sized-large cities in that metro. They are:
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