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The horror stories I have heard involve money. Dad is widowed; he finds a women he loves and wants to marry. His kids say “no.” If he marries her there will be no contact with the grandkids, period. The adult kids want dad’s estate when he passes. They fear his estate would go to new wife. In this case, the grandkids are used as leverage.
Interesting how it never occurs to the adult children, that an estate can be "both-and", rather than "either-or". I would think that any conscientious, caring parent would make sure there was something in the will for the kids, as well as for one's widow. Why is the default reaction one based on a scarcity mentality?
Our dil tried that one but my son wasn’t having it. For a year he brought the grandchildren over once a week while his wife sulked at home. She has tried to use passive aggressive tactics but it doesn’t work because we all ignore and say nothing to our son about his wife. Things are better now. With a weaker husband she may have gotten away with cutting her children off from loving grandparents.
How charming, that he chose a passive-aggressive partner to be his life-long companion! I wonder how long that marriage will last. Since character doesn't seem to have been his main criterion in the spouse selection process, I can't help wondering what was. Is she hot?
Interesting how it never occurs to the adult children, that an estate can be "both-and", rather than "either-or". I would think that any conscientious, caring parent would make sure there was something in the will for the kids, as well as for one's widow. Why is the default reaction one based on a scarcity mentality?
You know, these are two cases I heard about third hand. I really don’t know details. I think, if true, the adult children are despicable.
How charming, that he chose a passive-aggressive partner to be his life-long companion! I wonder how long that marriage will last. Since character doesn't seem to have been his main criterion in the spouse selection process, I can't help wondering what was. Is she hot?
He didn’t choose a passive aggressive partner , that’s a trait that started to be exposed over time. What she has learned is that we are now not blind to it and that it won’t work hence the reason things have gotten better.
Similar situation, but on the flip side. Grandparents were way out of line and were acting as parents instead of grandparents. They knew no boundaries. Insulted parents and undermined them in front of the kids. It got to the point where the grandparents were hurting the marriage and the family unit. Sorry, grandparents have to stay in their lane.
We've been given scant information about the situation the OP is talking about it, so it would be hard to comment on their situation.
However, as my wife is now 2 months pregnant, I've given serious consideration as to what I will/won't accept from my and her mother (and my wife is mostly on board).
My mother in law is a bit off her cookie, so we're both a bit concerned about ever leaving our child with her.
My mother is very loving and she would be more than capable of taking care of our child. We'd be more than happy to visit her or she visit us. But as I saw when my sister's children were little, my mother would have to know what our rules are. For example, when my nephews were small and they would do something wrong, my sister would correct them. My mother would step in and say something like "no, it's alright" and take them away from my sister. Or my sister will tell my mother "don't give them chocolate" and she'll buy them 5 Hershey bars. And my mother would do other things like that in order to be the "fun" Grandma.
And I'm fine with a little spoiling from Grandma. She's certainly earned it. But I won't allow her to try to usurp my parental authority over my child.
Detach yourself mentally from the situation, for your own sake. If the parents want to do this, there's really nothing you can do except take care of yourself.
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