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I was brought up to respect and take care of my things. I remember being so upset with my cousin for stepping on one of my toys on purpose and breaking it when I was about 2 or 3. That's how I brought up my daughter as well.
Now I am seeing my 2 granddaughters not caring a whit about how they take care of their stuff and it really upsets me. One granddaughter is 4 and the other is 18 mo. The 4 yo just throws everything everywhere. She stands, jumps and stomps on toys and has damaged a few, and she just doesn't care. We bought her a nice, rather pricey, desk and a huge ream of large newsprint paper so that she could draw and color on it instead of the floor, and she sits there and on purpose tears the papers off every single crayon and breaks them into pieces to the point that her mother has to melt them all together to make crayons she can use. I would get her the big fat ones if they came in washable. Then she rips up the paper for drawing into little pieces and scatters it everywhere. If I get her coloring books she scribbles in them like a 2 year old and then rips them apart. I get her books through the Dolly Parton Imagination Library, but have to watch her like a hawk so she doesn't rip them up. She throws things everywhere and, of course, loses pieces to puzzles, building toys etc. And she just doesn't care! I am to the point that I don't even want to get her anything nice as I know she won't take care of it. Now the little one is doing the same thing....just being destructive. Am I wrong to think that at 4 years old she should be trying to be better at taking care of her things? She is pretty intelligent and doing well in Pre-K, but I'm not sure why this behaviour is happening. I realize the 18 mo is just learning but I don't want to see her go down the same path. Even my hubby who is less picky than me has a hard time with their behaviour to the point he tells me to just not buy them anything at all.
Unfortunately when the first one was born she was spoiled rotten by her parents who wanted to be "modern". Now they are finding out the consequences of their actions and are trying to be stricter with her but failing miserably. And I'm not quite sure why her mother isn't better at teaching her and of course I can't say anything about it or I get attitude from her mother.
Good grief the child is only 4 if you don’t want them to behave that way in your home you model how you wish her behave . I’ve got 5 grandchildren and yes they can be rambunctious. How their parents choose to do things in their home is their business. In my home or presence I quietly and gently remove things they are not being gentle with and say let’s not destroy this, let’s play with this. Tearing up paper is lots of fun, make a game of it, then collect the pieces to create art with at a table. If she can’t sit at a table , then no using the art supplies. Way too young to leave books lying around unattended, they don’t have the dexterity to handle delicate books.
Good grief the child is only 4 if you don’t want them to behave that way in your home you model how you wish her behave . I’ve got 5 grandchildren and yes they can be rambunctious. How their parents choose to do things in their home is their business. In my home or presence I quietly and gently remove things they are not being gentle with and say let’s not destroy this, let’s play with this. Tearing up paper is lots of fun, make a game of it, then collect the pieces to create art with at a table. If she can’t sit at a table , then no using the art supplies. Way too young to leave books lying around unattended, they don’t have the dexterity to handle delicate books.
And boo for going after the daughter in law.
This doesn't sound like normal behavior for a 4 year old. A child of any age should be taught that you don't just rip into toys, books, etc and destroy them. And I've known plenty of children younger than 4 who could easily turn the pages of a book, and who would do so appropriately without destruction.
OP didn't say if this happens at the grandchildren's house or at her own house, or if it's in the presence of the grandchildren' parents. I know it's hard to see our grandchildren behave wildly, while their parents (one of whom is our own adult child, who was presumably "raised better than that") just act like it's all fine and dandy.
OP, I don't have all the answers for you, as I've been recently thinking I need to find a good grandparenting book for myself.
My grandson who is autistic still can't draw well, and he's 13. When he was younger, he also ripped up crayons, paper, and even boxes after he scribbled on them. Turns out he was making his own puzzles.
Might be an issue, might not be. Every child is different.
In any case we don't spend lots of money on younger kids, nor do we worry about their habits at their own homes. We don't allow destructive behavior at ours, and that's good enough for us.
Unfortunately when the first one was born she was spoiled rotten by her parents who wanted to be "modern". Now they are finding out the consequences of their actions and are trying to be stricter with her but failing miserably. And I'm not quite sure why her mother isn't better at teaching her and of course I can't say anything about it or I get attitude from her mother.
Thanks for letting me vent a bit!
Quote:
Originally Posted by kayanne
This doesn't sound like normal behavior for a 4 year old. A child of any age should be taught that you don't just rip into toys, books, etc and destroy them. And I've known plenty of children younger than 4 who could easily turn the pages of a book, and who would do so appropriately without destruction.
I agree.
And, . . . . It's odd that your granddaughter behaves at pre-k and not at home. (if your daughter-in-law is being truthful.)
My two cents - don't buy paper, crayons or anything expensive for them. Perhaps, think about a college fund or savings bonds.
This doesn't sound like normal behavior for a 4 year old. A child of any age should be taught that you don't just rip into toys, books, etc and destroy them. And I've known plenty of children younger than 4 who could easily turn the pages of a book, and who would do so appropriately without destruction.
OP didn't say if this happens at the grandchildren's house or at her own house, or if it's in the presence of the grandchildren' parents. I know it's hard to see our grandchildren behave wildly, while their parents (one of whom is our own adult child, who was presumably "raised better than that") just act like it's all fine and dandy.
OP, I don't have all the answers for you, as I've been recently thinking I need to find a good grandparenting book for myself.
You don't need a book. Do what you do, and when around you, the children will learn quickly what behavior is acceptable and what isn't.
The hard part is keeping your mouth shut when you see your children giving them everything they want with no disciple and no expectations of behavior... because you know the hole they're digging for themselves. Hopefully they'll figure it on their own and fix it before the kids are young teenagers and they realize it's too late.
I was brought up to respect and take care of my things. I remember being so upset with my cousin for stepping on one of my toys on purpose and breaking it when I was about 2 or 3. That's how I brought up my daughter as well.
Now I am seeing my 2 granddaughters not caring a whit about how they take care of their stuff and it really upsets me. One granddaughter is 4 and the other is 18 mo. The 4 yo just throws everything everywhere. She stands, jumps and stomps on toys and has damaged a few, and she just doesn't care. We bought her a nice, rather pricey, desk and a huge ream of large newsprint paper so that she could draw and color on it instead of the floor, and she sits there and on purpose tears the papers off every single crayon and breaks them into pieces to the point that her mother has to melt them all together to make crayons she can use. I would get her the big fat ones if they came in washable. Then she rips up the paper for drawing into little pieces and scatters it everywhere. If I get her coloring books she scribbles in them like a 2 year old and then rips them apart. I get her books through the Dolly Parton Imagination Library, but have to watch her like a hawk so she doesn't rip them up. She throws things everywhere and, of course, loses pieces to puzzles, building toys etc. And she just doesn't care! I am to the point that I don't even want to get her anything nice as I know she won't take care of it. Now the little one is doing the same thing....just being destructive. Am I wrong to think that at 4 years old she should be trying to be better at taking care of her things? She is pretty intelligent and doing well in Pre-K, but I'm not sure why this behaviour is happening. I realize the 18 mo is just learning but I don't want to see her go down the same path. Even my hubby who is less picky than me has a hard time with their behaviour to the point he tells me to just not buy them anything at all.
Unfortunately when the first one was born she was spoiled rotten by her parents who wanted to be "modern". Now they are finding out the consequences of their actions and are trying to be stricter with her but failing miserably. And I'm not quite sure why her mother isn't better at teaching her and of course I can't say anything about it or I get attitude from her mother.
Thanks for letting me vent a bit!
Are these really appropriate toys for a 4 year old? Perhaps she can't draw or read well enough to use these things correctly, and that's frustrating. If she likes breaking crayons, I would get her play dough for a more tactile experience. I would try to give her toys she's more likely to be able to play with, or bring out things like crayons only when you're there with her to help show.
Once you give a person something, your rights over it are terminated. Your GD is within her rights to tear up her books, break her crayons, and shred her “drawing paper.” She has decided that it is her “shredding paper.” She probably likes the snap breaking crayons make. You are doing her a disservice by setting arbitrary rules like: “I pretend this is yours, but I get to tell you what to do with it.” That is bad parenting/grandparenting, plain and simple.
What you CAN do is tell her how to respect OTHER people’s property. Borrow age-appropriate library books if she is reading. Show her how to treat them with respect because they are not hers. Once she’s broken all of her own, and she wants to, let her borrow YOUR crayons to COLOR, but not to destroy.
House rules. Hopefully your daughter and granddaughter live in their own house and can set their own separate set of rules. If you don’t like GD throwing things or losing puzzle pieces, set age-appropriate rules for her to respect the space, clean up, and pick up after herself IN YOUR OWN HOUSE. If you don’t like the rules at your daughter’s house, DON’T VISIT.
If you can’t set rules because the kids are completely feral and the grandkids drive you nuts when you visit or when they visit, then minimize your time with them. Or meet in places where they can be wild, like the park or playground.
Piggybacking off Diana, I think there are a couple issues here: 1) parenting style and 2) child’s personality
Regarding the parenting style, the parents may need to learn hard way. Her behavior is not acceptable. At four , she’s young enough to try it lol, but old enough to learn better.
Regarding the child: She may be acting like that because she has been allowed to get away with that home, but she also may differ in her interests from you OP. As Diana pointed out, she may be more tactile. She may need more physically stimulating games.
To decrease your frustration and save your sanity , you may need to decide to let go of the notion that these parents will raise their kids identically to the way you raised them. Also you may enjoy getting to know your grandkids in terms of them vs how you and your kids were.
You sound like an awesome grandmother who can ultimately influence them positively
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if you don’t want them to behave that way in your home you model how you wish her behave . I’ve got 5 grandchildren and yes they can be rambunctious. How their parents choose to do things in their home is their business. In my home or presence I quietly and gently remove things they are not being gentle with and say let’s not destroy this, let’s play with this. Tearing up paper is lots of fun, make a game of it, then collect the pieces to create art with at a table. If she can’t sit at a table , then no using the art supplies. Way too young to leave books lying around unattended, they don’t have the dexterity to handle delicate books.
