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Old 10-13-2010, 10:36 AM
 
Location: Philaburbia
41,959 posts, read 75,174,114 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GloryB View Post
All I can say is if you read all the posts just on CD making fun of people who are over weight, less educated or any other number of things.....exactly just HOW did you think your kids would behave towards others in school?
Exactly. Kids learn from the masters.
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Old 10-13-2010, 11:58 AM
 
Location: Maryland
2,652 posts, read 4,797,363 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohiogirl81 View Post
Exactly. Kids learn from the masters.
This is true.

LOL!!! Ohiogirl, your comment was funny. Thing is, I said, something smiliar to this in another thread and some moms attacked me.
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Old 10-13-2010, 12:04 PM
 
4,696 posts, read 5,821,156 times
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I have read studies that found school bullies are more likely to end up in prison as adults than their non-bullying counterparts. I suppose this is no surprise. I wonder if anything can be done to rehab bullies as children or are they already damaged beyond repair? I don't believe bullies have low self esteem. If anything they are very confident, but it's an empty confidence.
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Old 10-13-2010, 12:41 PM
 
4,379 posts, read 5,382,704 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
Really, callous without a drop of compassion. How sad for you.


To respond to the post....

In the supermarket earlier I noticed the new People magazine was about bullying and photos on the cover of three boys who commited suicide. Their families, peers, teachers and society have failed these kids and let them down when you feel so alone and overwhelmed that the only alternative is take your own life. They haven't gotten the support they needed.

I have no clue what could possibly be going thru the mind of a bully, except the obvious, they get joy from hurting others.

Can't agree with the posters who think it has to do with a lack of self esteem. They're either damaged or its there nature to be a bully.
OK, look at it this way. why do adults, and not children:

- Commit acts of domestic violence
- Kill
- Rape
- Commit assaults

Bullying to some degree is pervasive in the human sphere. To assume that bullies only exist in childhood is a patent fallacy.
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Old 10-13-2010, 02:37 PM
 
17,183 posts, read 22,909,665 times
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Childhood Victims and Bullies and Their Parents | Education.com

Quote:
The Parents of Childhood Bullies and Victims
Even though the behaviors of childhood bullies take place in peer groups outside the family, important differences have been found between the families of children who are bullies or victims, and the families of children who are neither bullies or victims (Stevens, Bourdeaudhuij, & Oost, 2002). In comparison to other families, interparental violence is more common in the families of children who become bullies or victims (Baldry, 2003).

Moderator cut: Copyright violation -- please post a link and a "snippet" only, per the Terms of Service
Note that for boys in particular, overprotection contributes to victimization, but parental overreliance on physical discipline contributes to both bullying and victimization. It's very different for girls.

Interestingly, bullies can come from the category of children rejected by their peers, but they can also be more popular with their peers than children who are just a little bit aggressive. Their families tend to be colder and have trouble expressing warmth of feeling. The parents tend to be inconsistent in discipline and to have little patience for monitoring what their children are doing. They often are not doing very well in school and are not connected to their teachers. Bullies need help to overcome their own social disabilities.

To work with bullies, it can be helpful to work in small groups engaging in cooperative tasks with lots of supervision. Sometimes pets can be helpful in developing empathy in bullies. We need to give these children positive ways to gain attention. It can be helpful to work with their families, if the families are willing. It is best to pair kids with children who are neither bullies nor victims in this kind of situation.

Victims need to be taught strategies for dealing with bullies. They need to practice these strategies. They need to have friendships so that they don't feel alone. They may need to identify times when the bullying is most likely so they can avoid those situations when possible. Victims can be afraid of social interaction, so it may help them to be paired with children who are younger and less threatening to work on social skills.

Dorothy

Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 11-05-2010 at 01:14 PM..
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Old 10-13-2010, 08:45 PM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
10,728 posts, read 22,822,690 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by samston View Post
OK, look at it this way. why do adults, and not children:

- Commit acts of domestic violence
- Kill
- Rape
- Commit assaults

Bullying to some degree is pervasive in the human sphere. To assume that bullies only exist in childhood is a patent fallacy.
Who has said it only exists in childhood? The term is generally used with children because when it's an adult doing the same thing, you can either have them arrested (sexual intimidation, for example) or you just call them something else, that starts with a and ends with -ole. Tons of people in high-pressure business situations (especially sales or financial trading) use bullying all the time, but the difference is, when it's adults on adults, there is usually a way to turn and walk away (unless it's your boss doing the bullying, which most of us have probably experienced in same way), while in school, kids are trapped and have literally nowhere to turn. And, kids haven't developed the self-awareness that they arer not defined by what the bullies do, while in school, social "rank" trumps all else, and the kids at the bottom of the social order know they are "scum" in the only scale that matters--societal approval. Once you're grown, you can choose people to hang around with or work with who don't treat you like that, but they do exist in many parts of the business world and in fact are recruited in many "big business" situations or in politics.

Bullies DO sometimes mature, and many times a bullied kid has run into a former bully in adulthood who was friendly and either apologized for or didn't (claim to) even remember making life miserable for the other, years before. The point is, bullies might forget what they did to others, but the ones it is done TO don't forget. Why would we allow such damaging behavior in those with shaky self-images (the bullies always smell fear and go for the easiest targets)?
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Old 10-13-2010, 08:55 PM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
10,728 posts, read 22,822,690 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joey2000 View Post

["Carrie"]

You can't be serious. Bullying rarely goes that far and oh btw, Carrie had a completely psychotic loon of a mother. THAT was her real problem. Sorry, poor example.
Guess what, lots of kids today also have psychotic loons of parents and learn no self-esteem skills at home. And yes, bullying CAN go that far; I have seen it come awfully close myself and heard other stories from people who literally could not walk onto school property in the morning without the taunts, jeers, shoves, and often physical violence following them all day long. You can deny it all you want, but it happens daily, somewhere. Fat kids, "sissy" kids, and kids with handicaps, such as speech disorders, get it the worst. It's easy to say "they just need to toughen up" but when you have NO respite from harassment (whether verbal or physical) there is no time to think rationally about how to handle things. For some reason, there are kids out there who get their jollies, or who boost their own insecure "status", by tormeting those with even lower status than themselves. "The usual" groups I mentioned above are the easy targets, and kids who are fat/sissy/disabled are already on the defensive from the word Go, so it doesn't take any time for bullies to "find their soft spot" and exploit it daily. You TRULY are out of touch if you think a bullied kid (I don't mean "teased" once in awhile, which happens to everyone; I mean "marked as a target and pursued day after day, unable to escape the taunts and harassment") can think clearly enough to reason his/her way out of the situation. They are too busy watching their backs, like "Carrie" always was, and many times they DO come from abusive households where there is no comfort at home, either.

How DARE you trivialize the pain of kids pushed so far that they ended their own lives, just because you didn't have it so bad. Have you even read the testimony of their parents or friends?
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Old 10-13-2010, 09:51 PM
 
3,650 posts, read 9,211,281 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Francois View Post
Guess what, lots of kids today also have psychotic loons of parents and learn no self-esteem skills at home.
I almost can't believe I'm saying this, but no, "lots of kids" don't have psychotic loons for parents. Poor parents, perhaps, but not psychotic. Huge diff.

PS: the whole point to this was your reference to the movie "Carrie," which was clearly over the top.

Quote:
And yes, bullying CAN go that far;
I COULD win the lottery too, but I'm not holding my breath. My point being "extreme" bullying is rare, in general. Not every town is Detroit.

Quote:
Fat kids, "sissy" kids, and kids with handicaps,
Tall kids, short kids, even kids with chickenpox....

Quote:
when you have NO respite from harassment (whether verbal or physical)
This is also rare.

Quote:
You TRULY are out of touch if you think a bullied kid (I don't mean "teased" once in awhile, which happens to everyone; I mean "marked as a target and pursued day after day, unable to escape the taunts and harassment") can think clearly enough to reason his/her way out of the situation.
Then they should turn to family/teachers/friends/etc etc.

Quote:
They are too busy watching their backs, like "Carrie" always was, and many times they DO come from abusive households where there is no comfort at home, either.
No, "many" times they do not. Again, extremely few times.

Quote:
How DARE you trivialize the pain of kids pushed so far that they ended their own lives, just because you didn't have it so bad.
What a ridiculous assertion. I "trivialize" nothing. I simply don't put all the blame on a suicide like that on the bullying alone.
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Old 10-14-2010, 01:04 AM
 
3,210 posts, read 4,612,653 times
Reputation: 4314
Quote:
Originally Posted by Austinitegirl View Post
OK - I know this topic is going to fan some flamers, but I think it's extremely relevant given the recent media highlight (and very sad/unfortuante results) of bullying.

There are several other threads that touch on the topic of bullying in some way or another, but my question is - Bullying - is it just a fact of life?

In other words, sure, it would be wonderful if we could live in a peaceful world of no bullying, no violence, no suicide, no bombs, make love not war, etc., but is bullying just intrinsic to human nature? Do humans (whether we want to admit it or not) have a sort of "pack mentality" with a very complicated hierarchy and pecking order, which ultimately means someone is selected (by the "pack") to be at the bottom of the social food chain, and is therefore bullied and harassed until they become the universal pariah?

Please don't misunderstand my question - I am not debating the wrongness or rightness of bullying, or ignoring its immense emotional and societal impact. I'm simply wanting to hear some intellectual/philosophical (hopefully friendly/polite) debate about whether or not this particular behavior is programmed into our DNA.

There has been so much recent press about how to stop bullying - it seems reasonable to me to analyze it's root cause.

As someone who was mercilessly bullied at various times in my academic career, I do agree with the basic theroy that humans as animals will always display a predatory nature towards the weak and different. Stopping bullying is like stopping drug use or murder. It'll never go away, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't police it either.
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Old 10-14-2010, 02:24 AM
 
Location: California
37,135 posts, read 42,203,740 times
Reputation: 35012
I do think it's a fact of life. However, I also think it can be stopped, at least the worst of it. In a school setting the kids that do the serious bullying should be expelled, it's just that simple. You won't eliminate all the dirty looks or sneers and life is never going to be perfect but I'm guessing the bulk of the problem can be handled if we just stopped wussing out and put our collective foots down. It's not just the victims who will benefit from this either since removing a distructive influence from campus has a trickle down effect of making the entire place BETTER and preventing would-be bully wannabes or followers from joining the pack.
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