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I do not think this is having your cake and eating it too. Women have teh freedom to decide when, if at all, to have a child. Biology can impact the potential for child rearing obviously. and women must factor in those decisions, but its every individuals choice.
Also, your concept of down syndrom is remarkably off base. the odds are still so massively in favor of having a healthy child, that its really not a concern for most women. Plus, testing can help make the decision before conception, and for those for whom termination of pregnancy is an option, after conception testing is also available to show this condition.
Personally, I think anyone having children before you have reached a point of financial security are wrong. I support any woman who wants to wait to have a child until she knows she can support the child.
This is wrong, I'm sorry but it must be pointed out. The odds for older women are not at all insignificant. At 40, the odds are 1 in 100. By 45 the odds are 1 in 30 babies who will be born with Down's. Even among younger women, Down's Syndrome is by the far the most common birth defect seen in this country.
The older women in my family and life who have had babies (all healthy thank God) worried extensively about Down's until that Amnio test was done. It is not something IMO most older women are not concerned about.
It IS something that must be seriously considered as a very real possibility for any woman who has a child past 40, but it is a real concern for those in their mid-late 30's and up IMO and experience.
As a young child, I used to believe that children came by way of the stork. With advancements in eugenics, modern science and medicine. Perhaps my childhood belief could one day become reality with babies being scientifically engineered and delivered only to those parents worthy of bearing children. Besides pregnancy disfigures the female body and form.
Silly question - in general, in any situation, people want to eat their cake and have it too.
In the case of having children there is the "having" (experiencing pregnancy) of the children and the "raising" of the children. For many they are equally important, as is the genetic bond that is not there with adoption.
People can want whatever they want to, knowing they may have to settle for less - but that's life and sometimes we get disappointed. So what?
So what are the older kids, chopped liver?
I don't think these people want a child for the right reasons, so it's best they don't have one at all.
IMO the only "wrong" reason to have a child is getting one in order to increase WIC payments. Yes, I really do know one woman who did this, and yes it is possible to spend less on the child than you get from the government. It basically amounts to neglect, but that's a hard case to prove.
It's common to want a child starting with the baby stage so you are fully responsible for raising it instead of trying to pick up where someone else left off. It isn't fair to older kids who need new families, but it's common. It's also common to want a child that looks like you, whether they have your DNA or not.
This is why adopting a healthy white baby is so expensive, while authorities are begging and pleading for people to help take of older minorities.
The subject is why single women who want BABIES don't adopt them when it gets too late to marry and have them naturally. Who are "these people"?
The OP is regarding women wanting their cake and eating it too by waiting too long to get pregnant.
This doesn't mean they cannot still raise a child, and if they reject realistic adoption options they really are showing they are asking for a lot, maybe too much. Not unusual these days.
Pregnancy care is covered by most insurance companies. I would pay virtually nothing aside from copays to go through pregnancy and give birth. I would have to pay $10,000+ to adopt, in many cases. That can be enough to stop anyone, regardless of age, from adopting.
While I hope to adopt an older child from the foster care system, those children are often dealing with significant amounts of trauma. I would not be able to work full time the first few years of adopting a child versus adopting an infant who could go to daycare after FMLA leave ends.
If you condemn women in this situation, you're simply ignoring the mountain of logistics.
The OP is regarding women wanting their cake and eating it too by waiting too long to get pregnant.
This doesn't mean they cannot still raise a child, and if they reject realistic adoption options they really are showing they are asking for a lot, maybe too much. Not unusual these days.
They aren't waiting on purpose, they are women who hope to bear children one day and are lamenting they may not meet anyone in time:
"What I mean is, is that my friends who are women that are reaching their 40s, will often talk about how they want to be mothers, but they do not want to adapt.
They want to have their own kids, but they say that if they reach 40, then it's too late"
What they want is a family, husband and babies. They said nothing about wanting to raise a child just for the sake of raising a child. Beginning the adoption process as a single older woman is an extremely expensive and daunting prospect. Most women are not going to be in a position to do this nor is adoption a substitute for a woman who wanted marriage and family, which is what it sounds like OPs friends are waiting/hoping for.
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