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Old 09-07-2009, 09:11 AM
 
Location: Birmingham
754 posts, read 1,922,775 times
Reputation: 935

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I am female and expect the door to be held for me because I will hold it for other people. I have noticed that this isn't as custom in other countries and it just seems rude to me.

Once in NY, I didn't have any cash to tip the Bellman so I told him I would get my bags myself. He took great offense, thinking I was a feminazi and I was embarrassed because I didn't have the money to tip him and couldn't explain this in the middle of a busy hotel lobby - I wasn't trying to make a political statement by handling my own bags!

Sometimes, people aren't really taking offense and the dirty look may not have been meant for you etc.

Keep holding the doors for everyone. It really does show thought and unity that we are all in this life together.
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Old 09-08-2009, 01:10 PM
 
742 posts, read 1,228,724 times
Reputation: 345
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1984vt View Post
I am female and expect the door to be held for me because I will hold it for other people. I have noticed that this isn't as custom in other countries and it just seems rude to me.

Once in NY, I didn't have any cash to tip the Bellman so I told him I would get my bags myself. He took great offense, thinking I was a feminazi and I was embarrassed because I didn't have the money to tip him and couldn't explain this in the middle of a busy hotel lobby - I wasn't trying to make a political statement by handling my own bags!

Sometimes, people aren't really taking offense and the dirty look may not have been meant for you etc.

Keep holding the doors for everyone. It really does show thought and unity that we are all in this life together.
weeeeeeelp next time make sure u think ahead and bring tip money.
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Old 09-11-2009, 07:11 PM
 
Location: Texas
141 posts, read 293,090 times
Reputation: 132
I never understood one thing, personally. Would it be wrong, for me, a woman, to hold a door open for a man? Would that imply he's a weaker person? I've done it for my family because I think it's a polite gesture, but people give you odd looks when you do it for strangers...
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Old 09-11-2009, 07:13 PM
 
742 posts, read 1,228,724 times
Reputation: 345
no its not wrong in america
if anything i get annoyed when women don;t even look back when they go through doors.
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Old 09-11-2009, 08:16 PM
 
4,474 posts, read 5,413,775 times
Reputation: 732
Quote:
Originally Posted by jcinsov View Post
no its not wrong in america
if anything i get annoyed when women don;t even look back when they go through doors.
Very much annoyed. I usually just say "thank you" loud enough for them to hear.

While I'm sure there are those atypical "macho men" who would be insulted in the case mentioend by Xiaomao, at least holding the door until the man has a hold of it is pure good manners, IMHO.
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Old 09-11-2009, 09:05 PM
 
Location: Victoria TX
42,554 posts, read 86,977,099 times
Reputation: 36644
Quote:
Originally Posted by Xiaomao View Post
I never understood one thing, personally. Would it be wrong, for me, a woman, to hold a door open for a man? Would that imply he's a weaker person? I've done it for my family because I think it's a polite gesture, but people give you odd looks when you do it for strangers...
There is a possibility that he might think you are coming on to him. If you held the door for me, I might think you are signalling that it's time for me to try out one of my icebreakers. It's rare enough these days for a woman to even make eye contact with a man.
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Old 09-12-2009, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Portland, Oregon
7,085 posts, read 12,055,553 times
Reputation: 4125
I've never had any problem with calling people respectful things or opening doors for people (I do say ma'am to a friend who is very young to bust her chops, but it's still friendly).

Driving is where I think all civility has really just gone out the window and been shot dead. It's amazing how psychotic people behave on the roads sometimes.
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Old 09-12-2009, 01:40 PM
 
Location: Sometimes Maryland, sometimes NoVA. Depends on the day of the week
1,501 posts, read 11,753,094 times
Reputation: 1135
Quote:
Originally Posted by LibraGirl123 View Post
Agree 100%...I hold the door for men, women, kids...whoever! And if someone holds the door for me, I smile and say "thank you".

I do have a question though. I keep hearing about these so-called women who get annoyed when men hold the door for them. Where/who are these women? I have yet to encounter one...or hear of one directly. Could this be an urban legend?
*raises hand*

Let me clarify a bit, I don't mind door opening as long as its equal opportunity (LOL). Seriously though, IMHO, the person who gets to the door first should open it for others. It does really annoy me when a man races ahead of me and makes a big show of opening the door for me. I am perfectly capable of opening my own door. Or, and I get this a lot at work, I get to the door first, there is a guy a few steps behind me, so I open it and gesture for him to go first, and he refuses to walk through the door unless I go first

Maybe opening doors for women made sense back when women wore corsets that decreased their oxygen levels by compressing their lungs and when doors were heavy, wooden things without hydrolic devices that balance them, but now? It just reinforces that women are the weaker sex and unable to do anything for themselves.

And FYI, I was raised in the south, call everyone ma'am, and get annoyed that my friend's children address me by Ruby instead of Mrs. Tuesday. But doors? Let me open them every now and then.
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Old 09-12-2009, 08:44 PM
 
Location: Mesa, Az
21,144 posts, read 42,134,028 times
Reputation: 3861
I use the term 'ma'am' for any adult woman that I do not know. OTOH: 'miss' can be a metaphorical minefield.

Hell; for that matter, when I address any woman by her last name.............I use the term 'Ms'--------it covers my butt re: faux pas concerning her marital status.
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Old 09-13-2009, 07:28 AM
 
218 posts, read 799,236 times
Reputation: 227
Quote:
Originally Posted by rubytue View Post
Let me clarify a bit, I don't mind door opening as long as its equal opportunity (LOL). Seriously though, IMHO, the person who gets to the door first should open it for others. It does really annoy me when a man races ahead of me and makes a big show of opening the door for me. I am perfectly capable of opening my own door. Or, and I get this a lot at work, I get to the door first, there is a guy a few steps behind me, so I open it and gesture for him to go first, and he refuses to walk through the door unless I go first
I agree! Or my other favorite situation, he races ahead and thrusts his arm out in front of me just to get the door (nearly punching me in the process) and then insists I go first while he holds the door in such a way that I have to walk under his arm to go through.
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