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Yes and no. I have a younger brother, he is 11 years younger than me. My parents had me when they were young (19 and 23), and while they made plenty of mistakes with me, and my brother reaped the rewards of having them as parents when they were wiser, more mature, grounded, and seasoned parents, I was fortunate to have memories of them when they were younger. There were things my brother missed out on too. I have memories of all hour of my grandparents, my brother only had fond memories of one. I knew my parents when they were more wild and carefree, and there were some interesting memories to be had for better or worse. My brother went to better schools, had more stability from my father, never knew what it was like to go hungry, wasn't around for the worst of times, but he also missed out on some of the best of times. So I'd say it's a wash in my family.
Very good points. With "mixed families" as you put it, I would expect that the oldest child (of the first marriage) would be the one that gets the short end of the stick. I'm sure that many mixed families prove to be successful, but mine certainly wasn't.
Bottom line is that if you have multiple children, do your best to treat them equally and encourage them to find their personal "niche". Favoritism can prove to be damaging and such damage can often be permanent.
uh, again, not necessarily. it can be all the stepchildren (since obviously they are not the real children of the stepparent) or it can be a particular one that attracts the negative attention more than others. the one who is most vulnerable possibly. as well, the dynamic could be any number of possibilities. again, it has more to do with the character of the people involved not so and so birth order.
I'm the oldest of 7, and I pretty much got screwed.
My parents were poor growing up so I didn't get much. I had to work and pay for everything on my own. But it did teach me self-reliance.
After I moved out, they ran into a fair amount of money and younger half of the family has been spoiled rotten since. They've been sent to private schools, got every toy they ever wanted (Ipods, laptops, cars... My little brother got a new jeep when he was 16... I would have KILLED to have a jeep when I was 16 ! ect...)
I'm in my 30's now and am doing OK...I've got my degree, mortgage, two cars, the american dream and all that B.S. all on my own, but I'm still living on the poorish side of the spectrum. I guess it's nice knowing I have a potential safety net should something go wrong, but I'm too proud and independent to ask for their help otherwise. My younger siblings don't have a problem with begging though; they do it all the time.
I guess the oldest being the example for the younger ones isn't working in my family.
My wife is the eldest in her family. She was adored until her brother and two sisters arrived. Then she was pretty much ignored. That has created nearly unchangeable feelings of un-watedness and insecurity. Even after trying to convince her it is not true over 40 years of marriage she has not changed her basic world view. Naturally she has always behaved in a way that reinforces her sense of worthlessness and has almost driven me to the point of agreeing. It ain’t easy living with this sort of person.
Parents- If you have kids be certain they feel welcome. Doing otherwise can result in a life of near misery for the poor kid.
Wow, is being the eldest child really the only "bad" thing that's ever happened to your wife? Tell her to get over it already! Other people don't have it so lucky (some people don't even know one or both of their parents!) I mean geeze...
I can tell you this though, being the youngest child my parents learned all the tricks from raising my sister so I couldn't ever get anything past them! LOL
Last edited by RVA-Jsn20; 01-28-2010 at 03:52 PM..
I'm the eldest. Also the youngest. Guess that's because I'm an only child. Except I have a half-brother, (same Mother), a step-sister, (Step-mother's daughter), and two half-sisters, (Father and Step-mother). My half-brother has a half-brother who is NO relation to me, and my step-sister has a step-sister who is NO relation to me, or to my half-brother, or to his half-brother. We put the "fun" in dysfunctional. I got the crappy end of all the sticks. But I faced the fact that Leave it to Beaver was a TV show. Nobody lived that life except Wally and the Beeve.
So I pulled up my socks and made the best of the hand that I was dealt. I parlayed the pot into a pretty successful life. Once you come to grips with the fact that parents are human and dealing with their own "stuff", it gets easy to focus on the future instead of the past.
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! ect...)
