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Old 04-04-2010, 07:53 AM
 
Location: Chicago
6,359 posts, read 8,831,732 times
Reputation: 5871

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This one is a not-so-great debate. But still interesting.

We had lunch with some friends yesterday. Seem some other friends of theirs invited their sons along with them to their kid's wedding. One of my friends' sons is a doctor.

When he received the invitation for the wedding, it was address to "Mister", not "Doctor".

Apparently this was an issue to both the doctor and his parents, our friends. The parents brought the issue up with their friends, letting know how insulted they were that the folks who made the invitations weren't told of their son's doctor status (highlighted for obvious reasons).

The feeling was: a doctor works his ass off to get to be a doctor and the recognition that comes with it and their rightful station in life. It is an insult not to call them such.

Obviously you can tell my response to this is: BUNK. I hate the very notion of it. I dispise the notion of a hierarchial society and the notion of caste.

Here's my thinking: I am more than comfortable with the notion that when we deal with a medical doctor we adddress him/her as "Doctor". I honestly believe that in doing so, we serve ourselves more than the doctor himself. In matters of health, the most critical of issues in our life, we need to have the feel with are talking to a "doctor"...not a mr., miss, or mrs.

but outside the medical environment, I see it completely different. No, I have no problem with someone using Dr. as their title. I just object to the ego that shows up when it is not. I suspect that many doctors who made a reservation at a restaurant using the title "doctor" would either object, walk out, or both if the matre d' called out their name as "mister".

Do how about it: am I right when I say that "doctor" is absolutely appropriate and even desirable in a medical situation but in the outside world where there is nothing wrong with the title, there still is a lot of absurd ego in play when the title is innocently dropped in favor of mr, miss, or mrs.
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Old 04-04-2010, 08:19 AM
 
Location: Victoria TX
42,554 posts, read 86,968,624 times
Reputation: 36644
OK, You're a Doctor.
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Old 04-04-2010, 08:32 AM
 
Location: South Jordan, Utah
8,182 posts, read 9,211,043 times
Reputation: 3632
Quote:
Originally Posted by edsg25 View Post
This one is a not-so-great debate. But still interesting.

We had lunch with some friends yesterday. Seem some other friends of theirs invited their sons along with them to their kid's wedding. One of my friends' sons is a doctor.

When he received the invitation for the wedding, it was address to "Mister", not "Doctor".

Apparently this was an issue to both the doctor and his parents, our friends. The parents brought the issue up with their friends, letting know how insulted they were that the folks who made the invitations weren't told of their son's doctor status (highlighted for obvious reasons).

The feeling was: a doctor works his ass off to get to be a doctor and the recognition that comes with it and their rightful station in life. It is an insult not to call them such.

Obviously you can tell my response to this is: BUNK. I hate the very notion of it. I dispise the notion of a hierarchial society and the notion of caste.

Here's my thinking: I am more than comfortable with the notion that when we deal with a medical doctor we adddress him/her as "Doctor". I honestly believe that in doing so, we serve ourselves more than the doctor himself. In matters of health, the most critical of issues in our life, we need to have the feel with are talking to a "doctor"...not a mr., miss, or mrs.

but outside the medical environment, I see it completely different. No, I have no problem with someone using Dr. as their title. I just object to the ego that shows up when it is not. I suspect that many doctors who made a reservation at a restaurant using the title "doctor" would either object, walk out, or both if the matre d' called out their name as "mister".

Do how about it: am I right when I say that "doctor" is absolutely appropriate and even desirable in a medical situation but in the outside world where there is nothing wrong with the title, there still is a lot of absurd ego in play when the title is innocently dropped in favor of mr, miss, or mrs.
"I didn't spend six years in evil medical school to be called 'Mr', thank you very much!". Dr. Evil
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Old 04-04-2010, 08:44 AM
 
2,605 posts, read 4,692,355 times
Reputation: 2194
It's obvious that your friends see it as a status, and they are proud of their son. They see his status as impressive.

The young man who was so insulted is new to this field and wants the world to know he is not some mortal being, HE IS A DOCTOR.

I'm not impressed and would call him by his first name.

Even in a doctor/patient setting, if I am much older than the doctor and he is so presumptuous as to call me by my first name, I'd call him by his, not addressing him as doctor anything.

This young man has a lot to learn, as do his parents. He still puts his pants on one leg at a time. He still eats food and blows his nose. In other words, he is still just a person like the rest of us.
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Old 04-04-2010, 08:53 AM
 
Location: Texas
44,254 posts, read 64,351,440 times
Reputation: 73932
I think that when you're a little kid and you dream of being a doctor, part of it is being recognized publically and professionally by the title. So when you grow up and become a doctor and people don't use the title, there can be a little disappointment and sting. Especially when you consider the amount of work and sacrifice it takes you to get there. I tend to be a little more sensitive, because as a woman, the assumption is always that I am a nurse or some other health professional.

That being said, the people that the op mentioned in his story are a bunch of tools. Though I disagree about most docs walking out of a restaurant if they are called Mr or Ms instead of Dr. Most of the docs I know are the kind of folks you'd never know were docs unless you straight out asked them what they did for a living. I've never even thought about making a reservation under my title. Just first name is fine.
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Old 04-04-2010, 08:57 AM
 
Location: Location: Location
6,727 posts, read 9,950,527 times
Reputation: 20483
Many doctors who use the title when making a reservation do so because it generally gets them preferential treatment.

In a purely social situation, I would think it better not to announce the fact that one is a doctor so as to avoid the opportunity for someone to ask for medical advice.

A pertinent question: We know how your friends felt about the insult. What about the Doctor himself? The parents' ego is obviously stroked by making "my son, the Doctor" introductions.

Locally, we have a physician who insists his patients call him Ned. No title. Just "Ned". Apparently he doesn't feel insulted.
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Old 04-04-2010, 08:59 AM
 
Location: Texas
44,254 posts, read 64,351,440 times
Reputation: 73932
Do restaurants still even do that? I don't think they give two whits about who you are if you're not a celebrity.
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Old 04-04-2010, 09:44 AM
 
5,252 posts, read 4,674,563 times
Reputation: 17362
I once had a doctor advise me not to call him by his first name, two years later when we ran into each other at a deli in town he inquired about my health and why I hadn't had a checkup in over two years, I replied that I had indeed gotten my annual checkup, called him by his first name and left.
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Old 04-04-2010, 09:59 AM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
10,172 posts, read 20,780,553 times
Reputation: 19869
At the wedding be sure you and your family badger him about all of your ailments and grill him for free medical advice. He'll be sorry he ever brought it up.
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Old 04-04-2010, 10:02 AM
 
23,596 posts, read 70,402,242 times
Reputation: 49242
Like it or not, it is a status oriented society. What is missing in many areas of the country is the mutual respect that eased tensions. My wife has her PhD, and when she first started her private practice, she had to make sure that the PhD was appended to her name and that she was called "doctor." It meant being able to pay off some of her college bills. Since she has retired, she is more laid back, but I always get a kick when some physician will have an office where the physician is supposed to be called "doctor" and she responds, "Sure, and you may call ME doctor as well."


Ehhhh, wassup Doc?
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