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Old 03-02-2012, 06:25 AM
 
653 posts, read 790,849 times
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Have you ever had a friend that wasn’t green, then turned green but was a green hypocrite (for lack of a better term)? If so, how did you handle it?

My friends with non-green lifestyles don’t bother me a bit (despite that I think they could be doing more. I don't expect everyone to be perfect, I'm certainly not. But there are tiny things each of us can do to make a huge difference).

My friends with green lifestyles don’t bother me a bit (obviously).

But I'm not the biggest fan of green hypocrites (or really any hypocrites), and a close friend recently turned into one (although, now that I look back, I suppose she was the same with other things).

As hard as I try to get to a happy place when it’s happening, or to do my famous ‘nod and smile’, it’s hard when it’s a close friend because it’s in your face every day. Nearly every conversation (due to them, certainly not me). Nearly every text, email, and Facebook post you share when you’re apart. Etc.

At first I didn’t say anything. I figured she’s new-ish to the green lifestyle and when she learns more, perhaps she’ll be less hypocritical (saying, almost judgmentally, one thing, but doing another).

Then I tried making gentle suggestions or asking certain questions to hopefully get her thinking so maybe she’d get there on her own. Now I’m finding that I’m no longer as eager as I used to be to spend time with her.

I want my old (non-green, non-hypocritical) friend back. Assuming she’s not coming back, any tips for handling this? I realize I can’t change anyone, and nor do I want to. I’m just curious as to how others have handled this situation for their own peace.

(Please don’t bash me for my feelings. I didn’t open up and share my genuine feelings on here to be met by anger or debate. I’m just looking for advice from others that have worked through a similar situation and what worked for them.)

I'm hesitant to post this, but here it goes...

Last edited by dclamb3; 03-02-2012 at 06:44 AM..
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Old 03-02-2012, 11:11 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
16,019 posts, read 26,421,633 times
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It bothers me when people say they go green, or are green, yet use a dryer, yeah, that I have a problem with.

hang your clothes for free.
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Old 03-02-2012, 11:37 AM
 
653 posts, read 790,849 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nightcrawler View Post
It bothers me when people say they go green, or are green, yet use a dryer, yeah, that I have a problem with.

hang your clothes for free.
I totally get that.

What I have a problem with, as hard as I try to not let it bother me, are people that claim to be green then:
  • Recite yogi articles about the environment, but don't even do something as simple as recycle in a city that has a fabulous recycling system.

    Or someone that tosses out unopened household goods just because they have too many (when they lost one, purchased 3 more, then found the first).

    Or someone that spouts of how they're a minimalist because they live in a tiny studio yet they have not one but two storage units filled with junk (and the real reason they're in the studio is due to budget - and you know for a fact since you're their financial consultant).

    Or someone that vocalizes on a regular basis that they don't own a car, that they ZipCar (not because they're green like they say, but because they're broke) yet all they've done is transferred their carbon footprint to their dear friend that drives them everywhere (cough, cough ), or onto Amazon.com that mails each one of their goods individually via a truck.

    Or someone that uses a reusable grocery bag, just to purchase thicker and larger trash bags and dog poo bags.

    Or someone that posts photos of their vegan food online, only to have eaten duck the day before.

    Or someone that prefaces just about everything they're eating with the words "raw" or "vegetarian", as if the food item could be anything other than that (i.e. most Indian dishes are vegetarian, and yup, last I checked, a banana with fresh almond butter and seeds will always be raw - no need to preface what you ate with the words "raw" or "vegetarian", especially when you're not either because you ate a burger the day before).

    Or someone that endlessly talks about an online grocer they signed up for that delivers produce to their doorstep, however, none of the produce are even local. And when a local CSA was gently suggested, the response was CSA's don't deliver (last I checked, mine did). And when you mention food delivery from CA and South America isn't any better than the food in the grocery store also from CA or South America, the response was also ignorant (grocery store produce is crap - last I checked, several of our grocers have sections displaying local produce. One of the farmers lives just down the street from the home I just sold). Lest we not forget the added travel time of the food from CA and S. Amer. to USA, just to be boxed, then reshipped to her doorstep!

    I could keep going.

However, if they didn't claim to be green and talk until they're blue in the face about it, none of the above would bother me even the slightest bit, as I'd accept that the eviro. wasn't their thing and move on. I do it every day. Heck, I've been a veg. for nearly 24 years, yet, before I had an education I worked in more than one steakhouse. I'm not here to judge.

My ex-husband, nor any of the men I dated, nor any of my former college roommates were green or veg. and we had no problems at all living together (in fact, they said they would have never known I was green/veg. As they put it, "I don't look green, and unless you open my cupboard or fridge, you'd never know, since I also don't talk about it." As it should be. )

I love non-green / veg. people (I once was one). I love green / veg. people (I'm not perfect, but I do what I can).

What I'm still struggling with is the obnoxious breed of green / veg. people.

I typically just avoid them, but, when one of your closest friends recently became one because she suddenly decided, after getting fired from her corporate job, that she wants to be a yoga instructor, it's hard to avoid (esp. when they now talk about it non-stop).

I try to ignore it and mind-talk my way through it (and then I tried gently making suggestions - neither seem to work), but that's not easy to do since it's in your face, all the time...

I appreciate any suggestions for handling this situation delicately. To those who don't have suggestions (heck, I'm all out of ideas, too, which is why I posted this), please take this thread as a reminder to not be that person.

[soapbox over ]

Last edited by dclamb3; 03-02-2012 at 12:02 PM..
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Old 03-02-2012, 01:00 PM
 
Location: The Jar
20,068 posts, read 15,328,594 times
Reputation: 36894
Quote:
Originally Posted by dclamb3 View Post
Have you ever had a friend that wasn’t green, then turned green but was a green hypocrite (for lack of a better term)? If so, how did you handle it?

My friends with non-green lifestyles don’t bother me a bit (despite that I think they could be doing more. I don't expect everyone to be perfect, I'm certainly not. But there are tiny things each of us can do to make a huge difference).

My friends with green lifestyles don’t bother me a bit (obviously).

But I'm not the biggest fan of green hypocrites (or really any hypocrites), and a close friend recently turned into one (although, now that I look back, I suppose she was the same with other things).

As hard as I try to get to a happy place when it’s happening, or to do my famous ‘nod and smile’, it’s hard when it’s a close friend because it’s in your face every day. Nearly every conversation (due to them, certainly not me). Nearly every text, email, and Facebook post you share when you’re apart. Etc.

At first I didn’t say anything. I figured she’s new-ish to the green lifestyle and when she learns more, perhaps she’ll be less hypocritical (saying, almost judgmentally, one thing, but doing another).

Then I tried making gentle suggestions or asking certain questions to hopefully get her thinking so maybe she’d get there on her own. Now I’m finding that I’m no longer as eager as I used to be to spend time with her.

I want my old (non-green, non-hypocritical) friend back. Assuming she’s not coming back, any tips for handling this? I realize I can’t change anyone, and nor do I want to. I’m just curious as to how others have handled this situation for their own peace.

(Please don’t bash me for my feelings. I didn’t open up and share my genuine feelings on here to be met by anger or debate. I’m just looking for advice from others that have worked through a similar situation and what worked for them.)

I'm hesitant to post this, but here it goes...

On a recent trip abroad, I went to donate $ to a Greenpeace "in-the- square" fundraising campaign.
With my donation, I was treated to a really delicious, yummy, fresh, organic soup.
The soup was served in (are you ready for this???) a styrofoam bowl with a plastic spoon.:cryin g:
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Old 03-03-2012, 12:54 PM
 
653 posts, read 790,849 times
Reputation: 408
Quote:
Originally Posted by picklejuice View Post
On a recent trip abroad, I went to donate $ to a Greenpeace "in-the- square" fundraising campaign.
With my donation, I was treated to a really delicious, yummy, fresh, organic soup.
The soup was served in (are you ready for this???) a styrofoam bowl with a plastic spoon.:cryin g:
You just can't make this stuff up. lol
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Old 03-07-2012, 01:03 PM
 
Location: Interior AK
4,729 posts, read 8,932,603 times
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I finally stopped being delicate when dealing with hypocrites (of any form). I tell them point blank to either start practicing what they preach or the shut up about it already because I wasn't interested. If they get defensive and keep on haranguing me, I sever communication. They have every right to say what they say and do what they do... but they don't have the right to inflict it on me. Their 1st Amendment rights don't override mine.

I'm not perfect, and I do some good things and some bad things. I don't believe in every issue or subscribe to every "solution"... I make up my own mind and I make the changes that I can when I can. But I don't browbeat people and don't discuss my stuff unless I'm asked. I expect my friends and family to respect that and do the same. Life is just too short to voluntarily suffer other people's obnoxiousness.
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Old 03-07-2012, 01:26 PM
 
653 posts, read 790,849 times
Reputation: 408
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissingAll4Seasons View Post
I finally stopped being delicate when dealing with hypocrites (of any form). I tell them point blank to either start practicing what they preach or the shut up about it already because I wasn't interested. If they get defensive and keep on haranguing me, I sever communication. They have every right to say what they say and do what they do... but they don't have the right to inflict it on me. Their 1st Amendment rights don't override mine.

I'm not perfect, and I do some good things and some bad things. I don't believe in every issue or subscribe to every "solution"... I make up my own mind and I make the changes that I can when I can. But I don't browbeat people and don't discuss my stuff unless I'm asked. I expect my friends and family to respect that and do the same. Life is just too short to voluntarily suffer other people's obnoxiousness.
I wish I could be so blunt. Perhaps after I've had enough, I will be.

I'm in the same boat. I don't discuss my stuff either, unless I'm asked, and even then, only if I feel it will add value to their lives and they're truly interested. If they're just trying to spark a debate, I close the conversation.

"Life is just too short to voluntarily suffer other people's obnoxiousness."
That might be the single best quote I've heard all year! LOL
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Old 03-08-2012, 07:59 AM
 
2,728 posts, read 4,610,986 times
Reputation: 1785
Quote:
Originally Posted by dclamb3 View Post
Have you ever had a friend that wasn’t green, then turned green but was a green hypocrite (for lack of a better term)? If so, how did you handle it?
I have one particular family member who has become part of the trendy "green movement." They're big-time into recycling, organic, etc. He takes every opportunity to remind me what a jerk I am for not being green. However...

- He & his wife both commute 40-minutes - each way - to work each day. My wife's office half-mile from our home, and my office is one mile from our home.

- He & his wife drive a big Jeep, while we drive a small Saturn & a motorcycle.

- He & his wife both smoke, while we do not.

- He & his wife are "too busy" to garden, while my wife & I have two large gardens - mostly because we love gardening.

- He & his wife travel extensively for enjoyment, while my wife & I just stay home.

- Neither he nor his wife have ever planted so much as one tree, while my wife & I planted thousands of trees during the years we lived on an acreage.


I don't really care much whether or not a person is "green." Just don't be stupid and arrogant about it, and don't assume that people who aren't always yelling about being green are evil environment-hating villains.
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Old 03-08-2012, 08:08 AM
 
653 posts, read 790,849 times
Reputation: 408
Quote:
Originally Posted by Big George View Post
I have one particular family member who has become part of the trendy "green movement." They're big-time into recycling, organic, etc. He takes every opportunity to remind me what a jerk I am for not being green. However...

- He & his wife both commute 40-minutes - each way - to work each day. My wife's office half-mile from our home, and my office is one mile from our home.

- He & his wife drive a big Jeep, while we drive a small Saturn & a motorcycle.

- He & his wife both smoke, while we do not.

- He & his wife are "too busy" to garden, while my wife & I have two large gardens - mostly because we love gardening.

- He & his wife travel extensively for enjoyment, while my wife & I just stay home.

- Neither he nor his wife have ever planted so much as one tree, while my wife & I planted thousands of trees during the years we lived on an acreage.


I don't really care much whether or not a person is "green." Just don't be stupid and arrogant about it, and don't assume that people who aren't always yelling about being green are evil environment-hating villains.
Exactly!

So sorry you have to go through that. Thankfully, there are far more green people that aren't like that, though, you'd never know it since they rarely talk about it. It's the crummy ones with the big mouths that give the rest a bad name.

As for how to handle someone like that, I'm still figuring that out myself. lol
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Old 03-08-2012, 08:18 AM
 
2,728 posts, read 4,610,986 times
Reputation: 1785
Quote:
Originally Posted by dclamb3 View Post
Exactly!

So sorry you have to go through that.
Thankfully, there are far more green people that aren't like that, though, you'd never know it since they rarely talk about it. It's the crummy ones with the big mouths that give the rest a bad name.

As for how to handle someone like that
, I'm still figuring that out myself. lol
You don't need to feel sorry for me.

For the most part, it's kind of amusing, and I tend to provoke the "Holier Than Thou Because I'm Green" crowd by pointing out things like this.

My hope is that they will shut up until they grow up.


I'm all for being as environmentally responsible as possible. But let's be smart about it, and let's be decent about it.
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