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Please let me explain my situation. Back in 1974, I attended a Catholic Teen Retreat Weekend called "SEARCH for Christian Maturity" in Atlanta, Georgia. It was there that I met a girl, my same age, who had moved from state to state for many years. We struck up quite a friendship/dating relationship. She and I got very involved in the organization, attending many meetings, service and social events. In 1977, I left for California to finish school and to start my career in the film business. Unfortunately, we had a dropping out and I lost contact with her. One of her goals was to become a nurse. When I returned to Atlanta in 1982, I tried to reach out to her again, but I never got a response from her or her family. I assumed that she had moved on in her life. But.....I never ever really forgot her. Every time I went to a hospital in the Atlanta area, I inquired if they had a nurse named "M*****", which every time they stated, "NO". I eventually dropped the matter and went on. I got married and started to raise a family......Fast forward to February of this year. While at my doctor's office, I picked up a book written by a female author. While perusing the book, a number of items popped into my head. I kept thinking "I know this woman somewhere". She had been an actress in and around the Southeast and she mentioned that she had two other sisters as well as mentioning her maiden name. When I got home I Goggled her and found out that she is an established author who has raised five children, as well as produced plays. As I read through her writings, she mentioned that her middle sister (the one I had dated) had died in an automobile accident in October 1981 when she was only 23 years old......
It was like getting a bat hit into my head. I had no idea that she had died. That is why she or her family never responded to me back in 1982. I sent her sister a letter explaining that I was surprised to read about "M"'s death and sorry that she had died. I am now writing to her about my memories of "M", but I have now developed this deep sense of grief....I plan to talk to my therapist about this, but is this considered normal? I would like to produce a memorial video about her for her family as she would have been 55 this year, but I would have to track down her past friends via Facebook and the blogs. I don't mind doing this, but does anyone think I am on a fool's errand?
BTW, if you look elsewhere on this blog, (Atlanta, Georgia forum), you will find another posting that I made that relates to this subject, "Automobile Accident Fatalities in Atlanta during 1981". Any information that you may have will help my search.
I think it's very possible to grieve for someone you just found out died 30 years ago. However, I'm not sure that taking on a project like you're talking about doing would be something her family would welcome....to have a virtual stranger start poking around in her life. To her family and friends it might be like picking at an old wound that had healed years ago.(Your grief is fresh because you just found out about it but their's has found its place of peace by now.) I could see writing down some of YOUR memories of the girl and passing them along in a letter but a video that brings in other people after all this time has past? I'm sorry, but in my opinion it sounds a bit creepy and like it would be more about showing off your abilities as a film maker and researcher than it would be a memorial tribute. Talking to your therapist is a good idea, search your heart until you know that what ever you do (or don't do) is coming from the right place and done for the right reasons.
One more thing: In addition to grieving for this girl you are grieving for the lost dream you had built up in your head regarding finding her again and rekindling a friendship. Maybe doing a video is just a way for you to keep that dream alive? Something to think about.
When I started looking for info on a horrific family accident that happened in 1966 - I found newspaper clippings on ancestry.com - you can try there. In fact, I found out a lot more then I expected. Good luck, and I think what you want to do is more of a closure for yourself.
No, I do not think it strange about your mourning. You just found out. I agree with Wayland and Nelly, this video idea is just your way of coping with your grief. Let the family be. They have come to a place of resolution and please don't tear the scabs off their wounds. You will someday find your own peace of mind too.
An air-crewmate of mine was killed in Vietnam in 1967 ... I was the squadron FNG (new guy) at the time and helped clean what was left of him out of the aircraft ... I was then assigned his duties, his equipment, his bunk ... over 25 years later I still thought of him often and contacted an uncle of his ... I asked if he thought the parents or siblings would like to hear from me. The uncle said he thought so but would ask and get back -- which he did. The parents drove a few hours to meet me. The father went to tears at one point as I presented them with a memorial photo of their son and his plane I had created. They thanked me deeply and sent me cards at Christmas for a long time.
Some years finally went by without a card. Then one day I got a call from a man who said he was the husband of the late crewmate's sister. She asked her husband, a former Marine, to call and express her appreciation for my contact with her parents years before. She was too broken up to speak with me. Literally couldn't form words, her husband said, the grief over 35 years later was so great. Her father had died within the past year and it was all coming back on her pretty hard. She wanted her husband, a Marine, to tell me that my gift was one of the family's treasured memories.
Two of my pilots are still unrecovered over in S.E. Asia. I think of them almost daily still over 45 years past now. I have tried to contact their families as well but not had success finding them. One pilot was only 24 when he went down and his only child was born the next day. A baby girl. My own daughter was born later that year and they would thus be the same age. I look at my daughter so often and wonder about the young Lt's child.
Can you still grieve 30 years later? Sure.
My own teenage sweetheart wife died after 30 years of marriage, leaving me with four kids to finish raising. 16 years since that loss. My brother died 6 months after my wife. There is no doubt that, if I continue to live on, I will miss them as much after 30 years as I do today, as I did the day they passed.
I would like to produce a memorial video about her for her family as she would have been 55 this year, but I would have to track down her past friends via Facebook and the blogs. I don't mind doing this, but does anyone think I am on a fool's errand?
How come NO ONE mention his wife's feelings? What would your wife think about your obsession over some girl you dated?
if you've never dealt with something for whatever reason, it may pop up later in life..If you are married now, I'd discuss it with my wife if I were you:a long dead friend is not worth marital woes now...and I hope you're not trying to relive a dream or a situation that happened years ago, that can only backfire. So I'd question myself on why this is important...
I think that one can feel the loss and some kind of grief if you just found about a death even if occurred a long time ago. But these feelings shouldn't linger too long as they don't change one's current life in any significant way normally.
Oh God, yes. My beloved mother died just 7 months ago but I know I will mourn her in 30 or 40 years. No question. Imagine losing a child. Obviously you will mourn them, miss them and love them all the hours of all the days of the rest of your life.
I think it is possible and quite normal. You just need to remember to still live your life and not let it get the best of you. Everyone of us have felt something about that special someone, a connection you've never felt with someone else before. I've met someone, right that instant we felt like we've known each other for a very long time. We weren't romantically involve but we cared for each other. He was like my best friend. Then he was taken away, a motorcycle accident 5years ago. Til this day I know I'm never gonna be able to connect with someone like we did. That time, I felt that soul mates do exist. I'm just glad I've met mine and I've accepted the fact that I'm always gonna miss him.
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What would your wife think about your obsession over some girl you dated? 
