WHY must funerals and funeral music always be super-sad?!?!
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When my husband was killed, I had the Vince Gill tune played and Garth Brooks "the dance", because he loved it, and I did not want the woman who always sang at these things singing. But I completely forgot about Joe Diffe! He loved that song too, and that would have been appropriate!
Most people should be celebrating and laughing at a funeral rather than being all melancholy and in grief. If they only knew their relatives were in a much happier and safer place than they are.
I get what you're trying to say but funerals are still sad because, even though the deceased is in a better place, their family and friends are still left behind to miss them. My father recently passed away and while my brain tells me it's what he wanted (he was old and wanted to be with my mother again), my heart still hurts because I know I'll never see him again (on earth anyway).
Why so sad? Because grief is a normal reaction to death or tragedy, and we're told there are 5 stages of grief... denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
People get stuck emotionally around death, especially around unexpected death, and sad music helps them express their grief and move through toward acceptance. Funeral services didn't get designed that way by accident, they evolved slowly over the years. Close family members used to be formally mourned for a year, but in today's fast paced world you're expected to suck it up and be back in the office in the morning. Sad music, and all that sobbing, actually helps people get back on their feet more quickly.
We did a memorial service for my dad as a comedy roast, and it was a great way to embrace acceptance and celebrate his life. But we did it a month after his death, once the sadness had some time to subside.
I'm going to take a wild guess and say that the music is "super-sad," because people are "super-sad" that the person has died.
That means they are dead.
Never coming back, in this life.
You will never lay eyes on their sweet face again.
I think it's okay to cry at a loved one's funeral..........
Maybe so, and I figure some people will cry at mine... but let's put it this way. When I die, I go to a much better place than this awful world can ever be anyway. Y'all may be crying but I'll be smiling wider than I ever have... perhaps even wider than in my wedding pictures, some of which I swear make me look like I have approximately 3,000 teeth.
And anyone who is sad that I'm gone just has to do one thing to be able to see me again and never have to worry about being separated from me anymore, in the afterlife. Accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and be saved. Then, there's hope. I'd be cool with them being sad about only two things... 1) that they don't get to see me again at least until they die themselves, and 2) that I got to heaven before they did.
But I'm not gone completely. I've moved on. Anyone who wants to communicate with me just has to remember the way I was. I'm a very simple guy. Want to know what RomaniGypsy thinks about something? If you knew him well enough to cry at his funeral, you knew him well enough to know what he'd say in response to something or what he'd do in response to something. My legacy will live on in the minds of those who knew me, and hopefully in the minds of those they influence. Then, when those people die, they get to see me again. (And I'll give 'em all harp lessons, too. What do you think music teachers do after they die? )
My death is not going to be a sad occasion. Right now, in this life, I have debt, stress, aggravation, irritation, fatigue, pain, etc. Sure, I have a lot of good emotions and feelings too, but the point is that the bad stuff disappears when I'm in heaven... and the good stuff remains, perhaps to be multiplied many times. When I die, it's a net gain for me because all of the negatives disappear. I will be no longer effective on earth to improve anyone else's life but through my legacy, which is why I'm not exactly hastening my own demise for the aforementioned reasons... but when it happens, don't cry for me, because I've gone on to a much better place. Instead, do what it takes to meet me there.
Maybe so, and I figure some people will cry at mine...
... but when it happens, don't cry for me, because I've gone on to a much better place. Instead, do what it takes to meet me there.
That's what I want the mood of my funeral to be.
I get the sentiment, and I appreciate your belief system... but, and I say this respectfully:
Funerals are not for the dead, they are for the living.
No matter what your religion, no matter what your belief, the people who loved you will experience grief when you die. It's just a natural human emotion that cuts across all cultures.
And those who are grieving may or may not share your beliefs, but they will want to move through their sadness.
They may believe you have gone to a better place,
they may believe you have gone to a worse place,
or they may even believe that you have simply gone.
But in every case they will want to be relieved from their grief, and that's what a funeral ceremony should provide... an opportunity for survivors to process grief and honor your memory.
I am from a very large family and have a zillion friends, so I've been to way too many funerals in my day. Some of the funerals were very close (in time) to one another, and I became very tired of hearing the traditional Catholic funeral hymns like "On Eagles' Wings" or "Be Not Afraid". I decided that my funeral would feature more upbeat and/or "different" hymns, to the extent allowed by the Catholic church (secular music is not permitted). Obviously my funeral has not been held yet (as I write this), but I decided to use those same songs for my mother's recent funeral. Examples were: "City of God", "Gather Us In", "Eye Has Not Seen" and "Let There Be Peace on Earth". The problem was, no one really sang along -- perhaps my family don't regularly sing along in church, or maybe the hymns were too obscure (they were hymns I loved when I attended church regularly in the 80's and 90's). I was a little disappointed in that, as I had been to a friend's funeral last year where everyone enthusiastically sang along. I did accede to "Ave Maria" because I knew my Mom loved it, but unfortunately, the soloist and organist didn't seem to be on the same page so it sounded kind of off.
But now I'm funeral-ed out and have no interest in planning my own funeral, much less being a control freak about the details like songs. Simple cremation is fine with me.
I get the sentiment, and I appreciate your belief system... but, and I say this respectfully:
<b>
Funerals are not for the dead, they are for the living.
</b>
No matter what your religion, no matter what your belief, the people who loved you will experience grief when you die. It's just a natural human emotion that cuts across all cultures.
And those who are grieving may or may not share your beliefs, but they will want to move through their sadness.
They may believe you have gone to a better place,
they may believe you have gone to a worse place,
or they may even believe that you have simply gone.
But in every case they will want to be relieved from their grief, and that's what a funeral ceremony should provide... an opportunity for survivors to process grief and honor your memory.
And what better way to do that than to show them in as many ways as possible that I am in a better place and they should honor my memory by doing things that would have made me proud?
They may come into the funeral room crying but you know how you can start laughing even in the midst of crying? That's what I want. I want them to look at me, propped up at my keyboards as I was in real life and think "that's something he would do".
And if that's not good enough, and it leaves some people unfulfilled in their grief, possibly not fully believing that I'm gone, they're pretty much spot on. I'm not entirely gone. I've just gone to a place where my keyboards never malfunction, my guitar is always in tune, I sing every note exactly as I should, and the crowd goes wild at the end of every song even if it's something schmaltzy like "Afternoon Delight". If they want to see me again, they can. They just have to live the right way.
My DH planned his own Celebration of Life and I was told by the Pastor about it after he died. Our family also included the bagpipes as he enjoyed the pipes and happy to be of Scottish heritage.
When it time to share memories of DH, there was much laughter as folks recalled his
dry sense of humor. It truly was a Celebration of his Life, one I treasure.
After the reception, our/my sons and I dined at a Mexican restaurant, a food DH especially enjoyed as we all did.
I attended the memorial service of a friend a couple of weeks ago. We walked into the church and a Harley Davidson was parked in front of the altar, and at the beginning of the service, per the deceased's request, Lynard Skynard's "Freebird" was played loudly from the sound system. It was just what my friend had wanted and a heck of a memorial service!
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