Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
All I can say, Juneau, is wow. I am so sorry for the emotional abuse of your life.
I'm sorry for a lot of things, but in the context of my post I'm sorry that things evolved the way that they did between me and my mother. She is a damaged woman and always has been, and that's sad. My sister sent me a picture of my mother last month. I don't know what's wrong with her but she looks terrible (swollen feet, legs, arms, face - almost unrecognizable to me). She is 78 years old and walks with a walker now. I don't know exactly what is wrong with her, but I don't think she'll be around much longer.
I've worked 37 years at an institution which has a "cheer fund." Each year employees donate ten dollars each and sympathy cards, flowers, get well cards, flowers, etc. are sent to fellow employees experiencing an illness or death in the family. It's been two weeks since my mother died and I know people at work were told. However, I have received nothing. It hurts my feelings. I also worry that something was sent and for some reason I didn't get it; if that's what happened and I don't write the thank you note that is always posted above the copy machine, I would be embarrassed.
I've worked 37 years at an institution which has a "cheer fund." Each year employees donate ten dollars each and sympathy cards, flowers, get well cards, flowers, etc. are sent to fellow employees experiencing an illness or death in the family. It's been two weeks since my mother died and I know people at work were told. However, I have received nothing. It hurts my feelings. I also worry that something was sent and for some reason I didn't get it; if that's what happened and I don't write the thank you note that is always posted above the copy machine, I would be embarrassed.
Maybe you could take aside a co-worker you are close to and trust and ask if something had been sent to you. This way you would know one way or the other. I am sorry for your loss.
Brings to mind something.
After my dad passed away, I had just returned to work after being out several days. Coworkers were hugging me, offering condolences, the whole thing. That very first day I was back, I was getting coffee in the break room; our big boss at the time walked in and I said hello. She never offered one word - no "hello", or even "Sorry to hear about your dad", no nothing! Several months later, a coworker lost her mom. Well, this boss not only offered condolences, but actually WENT TO THE SERVICES!!! I didn't think that right at all, but I kept my mouth shut.
I just wanted to know if any of you experienced anything like this when you lost a loved one:
My Mom died in Feb. I'm an only child but have a ton of cousins. One cousin lives cross-country, but she was always very solicitous of my Mom, even coming to stay with her for a week when she was sick and I couldn't be there, sending her flowers occasionally, etc. However....I did not hear one word from her when my Mom died. When I posted on FB that my Mom was gravely ill, she commented "Nooooo!". After that, I heard nothing. No call, no sympathy card, not even a FB message....nothing. I thought maybe she was just in denial, so despite not hearing from her, I sent her the "funeral packet" (obituary, Mass booklet, holy card, eulogy). No acknowledgement. Weird, huh?
I have a friend whom I don't see much anymore, but we usually send each other birthday cards and catch up by phone maybe once a year or so. I texted her when my Mom died. No response. A few months later, I sent her a birthday card and mentioned that my Mom had died -- nothing. I know she knows, because she told another friend, who promptly sent me a sympathy card. Am I right to feel offended? I'm thinking no more birthday cards for her, if she can't even acknowledge the death of my mother.
I am the type of person who calls, visits, attends funerals, sends cards, etc. I can't imagine why these two have not contacted me at all, other than perhaps they have a really hard time dealing with death. However, it still ticks me off. Anyone else have this type of experience?
I wonder -- have you called the cousin? She may be experiencing some health challenges, now, too, and you just don't know about them. You'd feel awful if you discovered that she had been battling cancer and was sick from chemo . . .
You are the type of person who calls, visits, etc. There are those who do not -- they just don't deal well, they don't know what to say, they are afraid to say the wrong thing, etc. Try not to take it personally -- I doubt it's meant as a direct insult. And they may have meant to, but just didn't get around to it and now feel that they might just be reminding you of sad things if they did now.
Brings to mind something.
After my dad passed away, I had just returned to work after being out several days. Coworkers were hugging me, offering condolences, the whole thing. That very first day I was back, I was getting coffee in the break room; our big boss at the time walked in and I said hello. She never offered one word - no "hello", or even "Sorry to hear about your dad", no nothing! Several months later, a coworker lost her mom. Well, this boss not only offered condolences, but actually WENT TO THE SERVICES!!! I didn't think that right at all, but I kept my mouth shut.
Shortly after my husband died, my son was fired from his job because of "performance issues". He tried to stack condolence leave and some vacation time to get at least a week off, hopefully a little more. That didn't work.
After he'd spent a few days at home, we talked about the situation. I remember he said that he wished his manager could experience what he was going through. Curiously?, interestingly?, the manager's dad died three months later. I guess he learned what that was all about.
There were hundreds of people, a cast of thousands who could have expressed their condolences when my parents died. Only a few of my many cousins sent a card. For the most part, the neighbors didn't do anything. I thought they'd at least send over a casserole or something. A few of them went to the wake, but that was the end of it.
No one said anything to me when my grandma or even my own baby died.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
