When they say "We will be think of you" over the holidays.

[smilinpretty]

You know I am one of those people, who would give you a hug, knowing what your situation was. Seldom do people hug one another. I have friends who know my situation, and they told me have a Merry Christmas. How the heck can I have a Merry Christmas with no one to spend it with? Now I am crying out this last week and I am realizing who my true friends are. Four of my girlfriend's phone me to inquire about me. My husband and I spent 37 Christmases together. Wow..to be left all by yourself, so when people know your situation and ask how your Christmas was I feel personally it is insensitive remark. mod cut

[tamiznluv]

Originally Posted by cdnirene

I don't assume that all people feel like me. On the the contrary, I indicated that this thread had educated me that they in fact do not, hence my words "prior to this thread".

I was simply trying to explain that perhaps some of the co-workers aren't as cold-harded as the poster thought. They might have assumed that a grieving co-worker wouldn't want to be asked about her feelings, particularly in detail.

I remember in my 20s going into my manager's office to tell him that I needed time off to fly home because I had received a phone call a couple of minutes before telling me my father was dead. I was so glad he didn't probe and ask me personal questions as I could barely hold it together.

Yes, "prior to this thread" I understood. I still don't understand why you presume that you know her situation and what she wants.

Anywho, I shall let it RIP and not continue my witching. Good day.

[cdnirene]

Originally Posted by tamiznluv

I still don't understand why you presume that you know her situation and what she wants.

????

I wouldn't presume to know her situation and I only know what she's posted she wanted. I only suggested a possible reason why acquaintances weren't providing the emotional support she expected in the workplace, specifically why:

They didn't want to hear any details, ask me how I was feeling, nothing.

Based on my own experience. I didn't think it necessarily meant that they didn't care. I was trying to make her feel a little better about it. My bad.

[Sam I Am]

cdnirene I think you make a good point - we react sometimes as we wish others would react toward us in a similar situation and frequently we just read it wrong. I know I do all the time. And it doesn't mean I don't care and it doesn't mean I'm prying if I ask questions...I can only judge by what I know.

I think a lot of people are uncomfortable with the situation and simply don't know what to say or don't think before they speak. One would hope that co-workers would be comfortable enough to acknowledge the situation and ask sincerely about how things went and offer a little support. Unfortunately we don't always live in that world. I know I often cover up my real feelings by making jokes and/or actually rebuffing people who might actually be trying. What I might need is someone to hug me and let me cry - but the way it comes off you'd think I was in full control and had totally recovered from a situation and don't need anyone for anything. It's my way of holding it all together because if I ever let down my guard just a little bit I'm a goner.

I will say - thanks to all of you I am measuring my words a little more carefully and watching a little bit for signs of what people might need who are grieving or having a hard time. Everyone needs something different....it really is up to us as friends and co-workers to try and ascertain what that might be if it isn't clear and then let it roll out.