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Since I started writing here a few months ago, when my cousin's son died suddenly, after a few weeks, I numbed right out. No feeling at all. I'd feel sad some days, then go about my days, nothing. Then I got sick with a cold/flu and that lasted past Christmas, so I couldn't cry from being sick. I sobbed the third day after the school shootings, then numbed out again. I avoided the Grief and Mourning Section because I just didnt' want to think about it. But tonight, I kept thinking of my cousin's son, my friend who died in Sept, another friend died last week, all those little children, and I miss my Mom. I looked outside, it's a full moon, and she liked full moons. Mom's gone now almost two years. I called my cousin, but he didn't call back. Someone said on another thread that we have to go through the grief. But how do we close our eyes to sleep? Doesnt' help when I have anxiety attacks. My daughter bought me a bottle of meletonin to help me sleep. Guess there's nothing to say, but to cry it out.... I did call a friend who is older, and she said the same things are happening to her, too. We are all getting older and our friends are dying. It's a part of life, so...
Since I started writing here a few months ago, when my cousin's son died suddenly, after a few weeks, I numbed right out. No feeling at all. I'd feel sad some days, then go about my days, nothing. Then I got sick with a cold/flu and that lasted past Christmas, so I couldn't cry from being sick. I sobbed the third day after the school shootings, then numbed out again. I avoided the Grief and Mourning Section because I just didnt' want to think about it. But tonight, I kept thinking of my cousin's son, my friend who died in Sept, another friend died last week, all those little children, and I miss my Mom. I looked outside, it's a full moon, and she liked full moons. Mom's gone now almost two years. I called my cousin, but he didn't call back. Someone said on another thread that we have to go through the grief. But how do we close our eyes to sleep? Doesnt' help when I have anxiety attacks. My daughter bought me a bottle of meletonin to help me sleep. Guess there's nothing to say, but to cry it out.... I did call a friend who is older, and she said the same things are happening to her, too. We are all getting older and our friends are dying. It's a part of life, so...
Sorry to hear you feel so crumby, taulery. Sleep is the #1 part of healing I think. I know when I can't sleep I sure feel bad and everything seems to "get to me". When I'm rested, I can handle the situation of living. If the meletonin doesn't help, try OTC sleep aids and if they don't help, I'd call my doctor. Also, if you're tired, don't fight it. Go to bed and try to sleep. I used to fight it and then I'd get a second wind and couldn't sleep. I have found a cup of warm milk is good when I go to bed sometimes.
Yes, death is a part of life. I think that's a big reason I am doing so much better than I used to. I have accepted that fact. Fighting that fact seems to bring about so many psychological problems and hence, physical ones too. Death brings an end to a chapter of our lives but there are many chapters still left to be written.
I wish you well in your quest for sleep. I still know all too well how that is. Some nights are good, some are bad and the bad last for weeks at a time sometimes. Try to get on a schedule.
I'm sorry. I wish I had more to say - but life (and loss) can be so depressing. Be good to yourself. Don't beat yourself up for how you feel, but get rest, eat well, make sure you take care of yourself - get up shower and get dressed - even if it's the only thing you do. And most importantly get help. Talk to someone.
Wishing you well.
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