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mod cut I will always have the ashes of my first husband and anyone who does not like it can be shown the door really quick . This person meant something to me and I will keep myself attached to the ashes like it or not . Everyone has a past and the fact that you have ashes of someone you loved does not make you crazy or anything else for that matter . I guess some of you have never even known a true love or staying with some one more than 6 months at a time . For those of us who have been married for a long time there is nothing wrong at all with keeping the ashes of your deceased loved one . mod cutLet people have their memories and their ashes .
Last edited by Sam I Am; 06-10-2013 at 04:30 AM..
Reason: please dial it back a notch - your anger here is unnecessary
I buried both my parents. My father and I were fishing a lake in Maine and out of the blue he said he had sold their cemetery plot. He was 80 at the time. I was surprised at this and I asked what his intentions were. He said that he and Mom had decided to be cremated. He never goes to his father's grave and didn't expect me to go to theirs so they sold the plot. He said he wanted me to dispose of the ashes.
"Any particlular spot?"
"You pick it." Oh great.
"How about on the ridge looking down on all the lakes?"
"Just right. That will work."
That's where I buried them. Of course, this is Maine where people are quite direct. I was driving out a country road with no houses around and no power poles. We passed a cemetery and my customer asked why there would be a cemetery way out here.
I said there was only one reason; good diggin'. Mainers are practical by necessity. Come and visit. You'll see.
Spread them in an area he loved. I want to be cremated and this is exactly what I have told my wife and my son. I don't want them to be burdened having to care for my ashes.
Spread them in an area he loved. I want to be cremated and this is exactly what I have told my wife and my son. I don't want them to be burdened having to care for my ashes.
You are joking, aren't you, longnecker? No, I suppose you aren't. "Care for my ashes."? What care? Dusting? There is no "care" except dusting. Why the shocked face? What if your wife or son wanted to keep some of you? Why burden them with your "wishes" that may force them to do something they don't want, like getting "rid" of your ashes? Why not tell them to spread "most" of your ashes and let them keep some if they want. Cremation has changed the way people deal with the death of a loved one. Bury them, there is no way you can "keep" a part of them. Cremation has opened up a whole new side to death. Let your loved ones decide how they want to care for you after your cremation.
I decided to have our conversation and for all you that were kind and helpful...thank you.
His only concern.was that he would feel uncomfortable if guests asked him what it was. Then i showed him the new decor...a piece I had purchased at a upscale.Department Store...no one would know there were Ashes inside. It just looks like a beautiful piece of art. He smiled and said he loved me and all that comes with me.
I'm truely blessed!
For all that were unkind, judgmental, and hypocritical....remember the golden rule.
Glad that is over for you, Leigh. Your bf should not have thought he might have felt "uncomfortable" if someone had asked. Just be upfront and matter of factly say "it's my gf's dead husband's ashes!"! No biggie. I'm a little concerned that he would even think of that. You avoided that with the new decor though. I hope that is enough to appease him. Good luck with your new life.
You are joking, aren't you, longnecker? No, I suppose you aren't. "Care for my ashes."? What care? Dusting? There is no "care" except dusting. Why the shocked face? What if your wife or son wanted to keep some of you? Why burden them with your "wishes" that may force them to do something they don't want, like getting "rid" of your ashes? Why not tell them to spread "most" of your ashes and let them keep some if they want. Cremation has changed the way people deal with the death of a loved one. Bury them, there is no way you can "keep" a part of them. Cremation has opened up a whole new side to death. Let your loved ones decide how they want to care for you after your cremation.
No I am not joking. My family certainly knows they have options. Some where down the line someone has to deal with the deceased.Would the grandchildren greatgrandchildren want grandpop on the mantle??
No I am not joking. My family certainly knows they have options. Some where down the line someone has to deal with the deceased.Would the grandchildren greatgrandchildren want grandpop on the mantle??
Plan on having them placed with yours when you go. Otherwise, it's like the above post....what will become of them when you go?????
If you pass them on, (and include yours too) it's only a matter of time until someone dumps them in the garbage. Is that what you want???
Check with a local cemetery. They may be one with a memory garden that designed to allow the ashes to be buried under trees. Anything would be better than just keeping them....
There is an element here of wanting to control a person, even after death. We might want to think about that.
No I am not joking. My family certainly knows they have options. Some where down the line someone has to deal with the deceased.Would the grandchildren greatgrandchildren want grandpop on the mantle??
Perhaps they would.
Like I said, maybe your wife or your son would like to keep a small amount as a keepsake.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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I still have my husband's ashes after 3 1/2 years. They're in a beautiful, hand carved aspen wood ginger jar urn that has inlaid sterling silver and turquoise from our part of the country. I had a local artisan carve the urn out of a downed aspen tree that had been on our property, and designed the silver and turquoise inlay to represent the sky and water of Colorado. Our plan was that whomever went first, the other would keep the ashes, and when they went, the kids (who are on board with this plan) would take us together and scatter our ashes in a place (already designated) we loved. We had been married for 36 years and his urn is an original piece of sculpture/art that I keep discretely in my home office and appreciate every day. It's comforting to me to know that there's a part of him always with me.
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greatgrandchildren want grandpop on the mantle??
