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It was exactly a week ago today that I took our dog to the vet for what I expected would be a routine issue and the vet told me it was time to make the decision to euthanize him. It was supposedly my brother's dog so I called him and asked if he'd like to be there. He said he didn't have time, he was at the doctor's office although I told him the vet was willing to wait he declined.
That same day he asked about getting another dog. I wasn't surprised, I know my brother. I pointed out our other dog is possessive and wouldn't accept a new dog easily, it would have to be a puppy. On Saturday we adopted a rescue puppy. He's adorable but my heart is heavy missing our old dog and thinking how hard his life might have been at the end.
Then today I received a note from my niece saying that a month to the day after her dad, my former brother-in-law died, her mom, my sister died. My brother wasn't home when I read it so I processed it alone for a couple of hours. When I told my brother he had no visible reaction. He didn't ask any questions and went on about the evening as if nothing happened. I don't know if he feels anything at all over our sister's death. It was only the 3 of us left, our parents died some time ago and our extended family has never been close.
We weren't close with our sister, she was 18 years older than me and my brother is 8 years my senior so we were all basically only children. But I am always find it difficult to understand my brother's seeming lack of emotion when someone/thing he claims to love dies. He has no outward show of emotion and doesn't seem to change his behavior. There have been many terrible events in our family so I think he may have learned not to care, I don't know but it disturbs me.
I'm very sad and feel the world is not as kind or gentle now that my sister is no longer in it. I hold my early memories of her close and am thankful she was part of my life. I regret that life was not kinder and more gentle to her.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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People vary quite a bit with how they process their reactions. I went to basketball practice (I was 17) after learning my father died (he had been sick), it's how I deal with things, I just keep on trucking. I didn't miss a day of school (funeral on weekend), not everyone is the same.
I am sorry for YOU, that you are living in this nightmare of grief alone. Who can tell what goes on in the minds of others. At this point in your life you know you can't expect any response or comfort from him for anything so he is basically a distant relative. You certainly aren't going to change him and probably won't ever get him to understand your grief at this point. I do hope you have some support from someone other than your brother - perhaps friends or other extended family members. This world is much too big and cruel to manage by ourselves. I do hope you are doing well otherwise, and your buddies here on CD are here, for what it's worth!!
People vary quite a bit with how they process their reactions. I went to basketball practice (I was 17) after learning my father died (he had been sick), it's how I deal with things, I just keep on trucking. I didn't miss a day of school (funeral on weekend), not everyone is the same.
Sorry for your losses. Sounds like your family was not close. Your brother dealt with it (or not) in his own way. When one of my son's friends lost his mother he refused to go in and say goodbye when the hospital said the end was here and attended high school the next day. We all have our own way of dealing with things.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by longnecker
Sorry for your losses. Sounds like your family was not close. Your brother dealt with it (or not) in his own way. When one of my son's friends lost his mother he refused to go in and say goodbye when the hospital said the end was here and attended high school the next day. We all have our own way of dealing with things.
Sorry. I was referring to the OP's family.Just quoting you as it reminded me of my son's friend.
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I was referring to the OP's family.Just quoting you as it reminded me of my son's friend.
