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My mother-in-law passed away 18 months ago and this weekend, my husband and I will be moving into her home. It has just been in the past month that we have been able to pack up her things. I, personally, feel comfort when we are there but it has been suggested that it may be difficult at first to live there full time. My husband says he will be fine with it, and I pray he will, but I just worry. He has yet to cry since she passed and he has not been the one packing up her things. I know we are not the first couple to move into their mom's or mother-in-law's house after she's passed. How did you all handle it and what made it easier for you? Thanks in advance for any ideas, opinions or suggestions.
Hello ---
First of all, my sympathies in the loss of your MIL, and also, congratulations as you and your husband enter into still another life phase --grandparents!! My husband and I are about to enter that phase ourselves this spring!! I would not worry about your husband having not cried. Some people are less emotional than others, and just don't cry. My husband and I went through this a couple years ago, and he did not physically cry. We, too, divided up her possessions about 18 months after she died, as we waited until her place sold. In our case, most of the possessions were divided among the three children and six grandchildren, and we did it all together [she had made a list as to who was to receive what]. As a result, we daily see some items that we had previously seen in his grandparent's home, then his mother's home, and now in our home. It is kind of comforting to see the familiar items.
I think you will be fine, and happy in the "new" home. Go ahead and do some painting, arrange the furnishings the way you and your husband want them, and embrace the changes. There bound to be some, for example, TV's look different than they used to, and you may be attaching it to the wall. Grandbabies play with toys, so soon you will be having a big toy basket. It is springtime -- go ahead and dig up a brand new flower bed in the front yard!! Soon the neighbors will be coming by and saying, "Oh, I like the new flower bed!". And keep some things the same -- you will be blending old and new memories. I think your family will do fine. Enjoy the home!!
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
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When my husband's mom passed away in 1997, he and his sister got everything 50-50, including her house. We didn't want it, and at the time, neither did his sister, so we cleaned it out and put it on the market as-is (it was built in the 1960's). After a couple of months when it hadn't sold, and the realtor wanted to lower the price, his sister decided she did want the house after all, as they were quite the party-givers and entertainers and their townhome was pretty small. She bought out my husband's half, but before she and her husband moved in, they did some major remodelling to make it theirs. They changed out the kitchen cabinets and got new counters and flooring; turned the covered back patio into a year round sun room, and where the sliding door and windows looking out on the patio had been in the dining and living rooms, they had custom curio shelves and custom cabinets made. The way the rooms were laid out, though, made it almost necessary to put their furniture in the same configuration that her parents had had theirs. But, over the years, they've done more and more little things to the house to where the footprint is the same, but the interior's been almost completely re-done.
I think if you paint rooms a different color, take down wallpaper, update some light fixtures like a dining room chandelier, or the kitchen ceiling light, change out towel racks and toilet paper holders, new kitchen sink faucet--little things that aren't expensive, you can move slowly toward making it your home and not your in-laws old home that you're living in.
IM sure your MIL would want her house kept on by one of the family... so it will be a happy home Im sure for you and your family...Decorate your way inside and out and you ll soon feel its yours...good luck.
We moved in my parents' house after my mother died. My dad went to assisted living (and loves it there) and offered us the house. The hard part is mixing our furniture with theirs, plus my dad still has some of his clothes and other things here. My wife has been busy painting, wallpapering and a little bit of everything. House looks nice and it doesn't bother my dad.
Holly...: Thanks for the sympathies and good wishes. Congrats to you on your grand baby-to-be as well! As for crying, it took my husband a full year to cry when his dad passed but that was when he was 12. The sentimental possessions have been divided amongst her 3 sons and 7 grandkids so the rest is just mostly normal household items, etc. As a family, we've decided to donate what we can to Mom's church for them to distribute to needy families because we feel she would've wanted this.
Marcy...: Mom's place is a mobile home in excellent condition (she had to replace it after Hurricane Rita in '05) so there's not much we'd need to do to update, etc. We are bringing in our own furnishings, photos, etc to make it our home but, for us, Mom will always be there and that's a good thing.
dizzy...: Thank you for the good luck wishes. You are correct. Mom would want someone in her family to have her place and she'd be happy knowing her first great-grandbaby will be visiting and playing there as well.
kygman: I'm sure your mother would be happy to know you are living in their house with your dad's blessing. I'm also glad he enjoys his assisted living arrangement. Many older folks do enjoy this when their spouse passes because, even if they live with an adult child, it's not the same as having some companionship as those of their same generation.
I really appreciate all of your input.
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