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I would send out a form letter or email to everyone who might be interested telling them what day you are going to go through Mom's stuff. Invite them all to help and get what they want. And those who don't show up have no complaining rights! I would send it out 6 weeks or so in advance and try to make it a day/time when most can attend if so inclined.
On that day, do it all and get it done. Then you don't have to waste any more time dreading it or thinking about it. And you get your space back!
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
4,922 posts, read 8,597,781 times
Reputation: 8045
Quote:
Originally Posted by R_Cowgirl
It occurs to me as I read all of this, that those of us who are "north of 60" should remember what we leave behind can create huge problems for our loved ones. Maybe this memorial weekend, as you celebrate those who died, consider setting a few hours aside to get rid of things you don't need: have a tossing party (get rid of those tupperware lids!!!); send special items to loved ones, and take a load of clothing and household items to a charitable organization supporting the military, the homeless, or any other group you support. While you are at it, take a look at your wills and trusts and make sure they are current.
Then create an Executor's list with current log on information and passwords (especially for City Data so we know what happened to you!) Make sure your other financial records are up to date and the Executor list has bank info. If you have a storage locker, send that info to your executor with a spare key. Put keys in a lockbox somewhere so those who need to can quickly access the places you've squirreled away your stuff. None of us is here forever. Make it easier on those you leave behind. They will celebrate you for it! (even more than they already will because you are such a wonderful person, you know....)
Here in Arizona, Wills aren't the be-all and end-all they are in other states because we're a community property state, so most people with an estate have a Revocable Living Trust. One part of the Trust is registering with the State your durable medical POA and your medical directives. Your info is sent to the Secretary of State, and you're issued an ID card with a number which you carry in your wallet. If you're in an accident or you're unable to provide medical personnel your wishes, all they need to do is find the card and check the database for your number and all your info is there.
Also, as part of the Trust, you add a Codicil in which you can list your heirs, and bequeath any items you wish to them individually. You can always change that if circumstances change as it's nothing more than a handwritten (or typed) list.
When I made my Trust, several forms were included such as what I wanted done with my body (cremation), where my ashes would be scattered, funeral (or not) wishes, what to have at the funeral~~hymns, prayers, a party, etc., and the form with the personal property disposition wishes, as well as a form listing things like Real Estate; how it's titled and where it's located; same with vehicles, bank accounts (and account numbers, where they're located), investment accounts and so on. Personally, I use Quicken to manage everything and I have a "cheat sheet" of all my internet accounts (including City-Data) with usernames and passwords such as department stores, Facebook, credit cards, and more. No matter whether you have a Will or a Trust or die intestate, you can still create those lists and leave them for your executor. My executor is my accountant and good friend (didn't want the kids fighting over who got what and thinking I chose a favorite to be the executor) who is a disinterested party.
I think the more people we lose in our lives--parents, spouses, siblings, we learn from seeing how their estates are handled and how family members behave, and use those experiences in making our Wills or Trusts.
When my mom died in 1985 she had a will giving most of her things to my sister and my sister took care of the things not mentioned in the will. When my dad died he mentioned nothing about his personal things in his will. I donated his clothes and other things to a church that helped people with things that they could not afford to buy. That was in 2002 and I still have some items that were personal to him and me.
If any of her jewelry is "real" stuff that nobody wants, you should have them evaluated for proper resale. Even certain vintage costume jewelry can have value depending on what it is.
Thanks again for all of the great advice, I really do appreciate you all taking the time to post a comment. I will be see my two sisters at a family gathering on sunday, one of my brother will be with his wife family this time and another brother who lives in Hampton virginia wont be here either. I'm drafting up something to have ready to give them then and to send to my brothers. The younger sister took a leather blazer that both her and my older sister really like. The older sister don't know its gone already so I'm sure she will have something to say about that.
If any of her jewelry is "real" stuff that nobody wants, you should have them evaluated for proper resale. Even certain vintage costume jewelry can have value depending on what it is.
A few pieces are like 14k and a 22k. My mother loved brooches and she had lots of them of all type shape and sizes. I don't know much about jewelry but I'm sure much of it is costume and some are very classic looking. Like she had pieces from every era.
Here in Arizona, Wills aren't the be-all and end-all they are in other states because we're a community property state, so most people with an estate have a Revocable Living Trust. One part of the Trust is registering with the State your durable medical POA and your medical directives. Your info is sent to the Secretary of State, and you're issued an ID card with a number which you carry in your wallet. If you're in an accident or you're unable to provide medical personnel your wishes, all they need to do is find the card and check the database for your number and all your info is there.
Also, as part of the Trust, you add a Codicil in which you can list your heirs, and bequeath any items you wish to them individually. You can always change that if circumstances change as it's nothing more than a handwritten (or typed) list.
When I made my Trust, several forms were included such as what I wanted done with my body (cremation), where my ashes would be scattered, funeral (or not) wishes, what to have at the funeral~~hymns, prayers, a party, etc., and the form with the personal property disposition wishes, as well as a form listing things like Real Estate; how it's titled and where it's located; same with vehicles, bank accounts (and account numbers, where they're located), investment accounts and so on. Personally, I use Quicken to manage everything and I have a "cheat sheet" of all my internet accounts (including City-Data) with usernames and passwords such as department stores, Facebook, credit cards, and more. No matter whether you have a Will or a Trust or die intestate, you can still create those lists and leave them for your executor. My executor is my accountant and good friend (didn't want the kids fighting over who got what and thinking I chose a favorite to be the executor) who is a disinterested party.
I think the more people we lose in our lives--parents, spouses, siblings, we learn from seeing how their estates are handled and how family members behave, and use those experiences in making our Wills or Trusts.
Marcy - I'm in AZ and I have a Living Will (the one with what to do if you are in a coma), a Living Trust and a Standard Will - none of the things you mentioned happened! I have no knowledge of it being registered with the state, and no wallet card. I've had all these things for decades, and just recently updated them. Is that a law or is that what your attorney recommended?
Thanks again for all of the great advice, I really do appreciate you all taking the time to post a comment. I will be see my two sisters at a family gathering on sunday, one of my brother will be with his wife family this time and another brother who lives in Hampton virginia wont be here either. I'm drafting up something to have ready to give them then and to send to my brothers. The younger sister took a leather blazer that both her and my older sister really like. The older sister don't know its gone already so I'm sure she will have something to say about that.
Perhaps your sisters could "share custody" of the coat.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ipaper
A few pieces are like 14k and a 22k. My mother loved brooches and she had lots of them of all type shape and sizes. I don't know much about jewelry but I'm sure much of it is costume and some are very classic looking. Like she had pieces from every era.
It would be good to have it appraised before you get rid of any pieces not wanted by family members.
As far as dividing property among siblings, one method I have heard of is to get the estate appraised. Each person is then awarded a "virtual" share of the total value. Each item is then offered to the group as a whole first. If no one wants it, set it aside to be sold or donated. If only one person wants it, it goes to that person. Items for which there is more than one interested person are "auctioned" using money from the virtual shares. Each bidder would have to decide how much of his or her "inheritance" to "spend" on a given item.
Another way to do it is by lottery. A number of pieces of paper numbered and equal to the number of heirs is drawn. This determines the order in which the heirs may choose from the items being divided. Each person then chooses, in numerical order, what he wants most, continuing until everything is gone.
However, doing what your sister did with the coat is discouraged. It can create hard feelings.
Location: West of the Catalinas East of the Tortolitas
4,922 posts, read 8,597,781 times
Reputation: 8045
Quote:
Originally Posted by R_Cowgirl
Marcy - I'm in AZ and I have a Living Will (the one with what to do if you are in a coma), a Living Trust and a Standard Will - none of the things you mentioned happened! I have no knowledge of it being registered with the state, and no wallet card. I've had all these things for decades, and just recently updated them. Is that a law or is that what your attorney recommended?
My attorney told me about it. I had a Will I'd made in Colorado, but Colorado's not a community property state, so my attorney said I should have an AZ estate and suggested the Revocable Living Trust. Everything I own; my condo, my car, and personal property are part of the trust and titled in the name of the trust. It's protection against fighting over my estate by my kids (everything is specifically spelled out -- no arguing and no changing it), losing my pre-marital assets if I were to re-marry (my husband passed away four years ago) and protecting me in the event of a legal judgment.
My attorney told me about it. I had a Will I'd made in Colorado, but Colorado's not a community property state, so my attorney said I should have an AZ estate and suggested the Revocable Living Trust. Everything I own; my condo, my car, and personal property are part of the trust and titled in the name of the trust. It's protection against fighting over my estate by my kids (everything is specifically spelled out -- no arguing and no changing it), losing my pre-marital assets if I were to re-marry (my husband passed away four years ago) and protecting me in the event of a legal judgment.
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