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Jerry I agree. That is where this thread has helped me so much. Many that post here have been where you and I are and share how they made it to the point they are at now...and that how I feel is indeed pretty normal. It doesn't make it all go away but it does help! Good luck my friend....keep stopping in as you may also find some answers here. Don't be afraid to ask---lots of people who post here or even send direct messages have been going through this for years so they know and understand.
July 18th is my late husbands birthday--not sure how that will be. Then Sept 10th 2014 is when he passed away......I have a couple of difficult emotional days coming so I will try very hard to stay busy!
Last edited by cynwldkat; 07-16-2015 at 07:08 AM..
Thanks, we were lucky to have 54 years, so much more than many who do in fact meet the vow "until death do we part". That said, the long time partner, wife, mother, grandmother gone is a gigantic hole in me... and I am sad she will not continue to enjoy our children (adults) and grandchildren accomplishments. She was very family focused, yet had a career in management following years at home as a mother and homemaker.
She will be missed as long as I live, and her children will remember her too... then our lives go into the collective vapor of the past. I hope, of course, that our genes and influence on decendents will continue to add to the productive and free and quality of life in this great country, USA.
Last edited by Jerry_NJ; 07-16-2015 at 08:14 AM..
Reason: grammar improvement, removed extra "collective"
Very well put Jerry! I know your wife will be forever missed by you and the entire family and friends. And yes, there will always be a hole in our hearts for our partners. But we are alive and must keep marching forward. That is what our partners would want us to do. Difficult--almost seems impossible some days....the local Hospice gave me a paper about healing....it said: "it's not going to get better, but it will get different" by Mae R. Zelikow and "things may not be as good as they were, but they can still be pretty darn good". by Harry Rebell.
Something to think about! Have a blessed day!
Like I said earlier---this is one difficult time--DH's birthday is tomorrow...and then Sept 10th is the day he passed. I am trying to stay busy. I went to Zumba last night and am listing today. Sales are hit and miss right now so I just have to try to keep a variety of items up there. I have also been taking many items down that have been up there forever and are just costing me money and time. They are items my DH listed like books and DVD's. After a while they end up costing you more money to have them up there then you will get if even if they do sell. It's very muggy and foggy today but suppose to get quite warm again. Hope everyone has a blessed day!
I don't know what impact these dates will have, now just past 4 months... and the grief is still intense, maybe still growing as the emptiness is almost constant.
Next year I will learn, anniversary 13 days before her death followed 11 days later by her birthday. Then at my age it is optimistic to plan that far ahead.
Drove to the bereavement session last night, not seeing the usual cars I looked again at my calendar and discovered it was the 3rd Thursday, not the second, went to the store then home where I got the usual joyous welcome from my small dog. May be I'm too old to use a smartphone calendar...on paper I would have noticed July has a Thursday on its second day.
I don't know what impact these dates will have, now just past 4 months... and the grief is still intense, maybe still growing as the emptiness is almost constant.
Next year I will learn, anniversary 13 days before her death followed 11 days later by her birthday. Then at my age it is optimistic to plan that far ahead.
Drove to the bereavement session last night, not seeing the usual cars I looked again at my calendar and discovered it was the 3rd Thursday, not the second, went to the store then home where I got the usual joyous welcome from my small dog. May be I'm too old to use a smartphone calendar...on paper I would have noticed July has a Thursday on its second day.
Jerry, yesterday WAS the 3rd Thursday of this month. Sorry you missed your meeting.
Jerry what you are going through and feeling is normal. I do not do the smartphones either. I am very old school. My mind is so messed up right now I'm doing good to remember anything and I'm going on 10 months since my DH passed. Some days are easier but you are in a fragile stage..only 4 months..be kind to yourself--be patient. Take each step carefully. I find myself taking 3 steps forward and 2 backward some days. All holidays, anniversaries, birthdays are painful and difficult. That is what I am facing today.....and no matter if I had others around me I am so lonely. Please get involved in a grief group--I know most Hospice has them and welcomes everyone! At least they do here. They do help. Nothing makes it go away but some things help. Not sure about your feelings regarding religion but many churches also offer grief sessions. Take full advantage of them. You need that contact. I am over 2,000 miles from my home and family so it has been a very difficult and lonely time for me. I have always been out going but never had to do it alone! I've never been alone until now. I won't say it gets any easier very fast but we do learn to accept some things we can't change--or at least I try! Don't very think of yourself as being overly optimistic--you need to keep all the optimism you can get! You'll get through this--it will hurt--but you are not alone. There are so many of us in your shoes! Feel free to say what is on your mind and although we are not therapist we are in the same situation! And we do care!
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Please get involved in a grief group--I know most Hospice has them and welcomes everyone! At least they do here. They do help. Nothing makes it go away but some things help. Not sure about your feelings regarding religion but many churches also offer grief sessions. Take full advantage of them. You need that contact. I am over 2,000 miles from my home and family so it has been a very difficult and lonely time for me. I have always been out going but never had to do it alone! I've never been alone until now. I won't say it gets any easier very fast but we do learn to accept some things we can't change--or at least I try! Don't very think of yourself as being overly optimistic--you need to keep all the optimism you can get! You'll get through this--it will hurt--but you are not alone. There are so many of us in your shoes! Feel free to say what is on your mind and although we are not therapist we are in the same situation! And we do care!