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Wow elston. What a wonderful way to describe grief. That guy said it so well. Thank you for the share.
I have to be to work for that meeting at 7:45am so I'm trying to get my critters ready for their day. They are so use to routine that changes are not easy but we do what we must! Looks like winter is still here---possible snow this weekend! Not a lot but still very cold again. We've been so lucky with such a mild winter I think we can manage a few cold days!
Hope everyone has a nice day!
Sorry if I have crashed this thread, but I have lurked here before & there seems to be a lot of caring and support. I really don't want to start a new thread. I know that Cyn started this thread when her husband passed, so I hope this is not inappropriate.
I am grief-stricken because I just learned that my high school sweetheart has died. We were together through most of high school. He was really my savior, as I came from an abusive home, & he kept me out of there as much as he could. We were like two lost souls, as he came from a large family that was breaking up, & he had to move from place to place during that time.
Due to my life circumstances, I broke it off abruptly during my senior year (he was a year older & just "coasting", hoping to not get drafted...this was the Vietnam War era). I hurt him badly. Years later, when I was back in our small town for the only reunion I ever attended, he called me at my friend's mother's house...we exchanged phone numbers & that summer, spoke several times on the phone. I asked him to forgive me for what I had done & he did, he understood. It was such a relief. Then we just caught up on our lives & talked easily, as if it were 20 years earlier.
We spoke about 4-6 times & that was it. That was fine, I was married, a mom, had my career. I was not looking for a love connection. And in retrospect, I believe this was around the time that he met his 2nd wife.
You see, I always felt somewhat "connected" to him because we came from a small town, so I was always informed as to what he & other people from our town & school were up to. I always knew when something good or bad was happening to him, & felt happy for him or concerned as appropriate.
I knew that he became very ill over 10 years ago, then had a debilitating stroke about 6 years ago. He was much too young for all this awful stuff to happen to him. In the same year that he had the stroke, I relocated to a new state, & both my husband & I have had a series of health issues that have occupied just about every moment, plus just adjusting to the move, new jobs, etc.
I had heard that my sweetheart's health was improving...so I was so stunned to hear he had died! I had always fantasized that one day, we would speak again, catch up again, maybe even see each other...now it will never happen.
I would have shared this with my sister, who knew him, but she died, & I still haven't adjusted to that. When I first learned that D. had died, the first thing that went through my head was, "I need to call my sister"...but she is dead!
I'm very fortunate...my husband is alive and well, he knows all about D. & our story, & he understands & has listened & is very supportive.
But...I feel so very, very sad...and, for lack of a better word...unanchored. There have been very few people in my life who cared about me, and they are dying. D. was truly a good guy. I honestly did not know him as an adult, even though we spoke. But I knew him as a truly decent 15-to-19 year old boy, young man. I was no longer in love with him, but I loved him.
I am not feeling "what if", but truly grieving for him. He is gone, my first love!
If you read this, thank you. I have nowhere else to express my grief.
I am so sorry for your loss MMM! Always know you are more then welcome to post here---that is why we are here--to support each other. This small group of friends here are amazing and very supportive! They have helped me face each day as they hold me up!
You have every right to feel such a loss for this man and grief is certainly going to happen. Just keep letting us know how you are doing and we will all do our best to help you get through the days ahead by just being here for you!
I hope everyone has a blessed day!
Marcia.....I am so sorry for your loss; you express yourself so clearly...I really feet that I understand.
Your post seems to be a theme............yesterday I went to get my hair cut and the young lady who was cutting my hair....started complimenting me on my smile and how contagious it is and how much it reminds her of her very best friend from years ago. She spoke of him in very much the same terms that you use......he made a difference and his kindness and intervention in her life during hard times had made such a difference. It never was romantic....altho I could detect a bit of "what might have been" in her account of how special he was.
She did say that he was truly a friend.........and she treasures his friendship........and hopes that someday they might see one another again......apparently they occassionally write.
That is why I say it seems like a theme she spoke with the same degree of fondness and non romantic affection for her friend that you speak of regarding yours.
I hope that you keep in touch with us here.......and I will be thinking of you. (There are all good folk here.)
Yesterday was another quiet day here...hope everyone is doing well.
I have been awake since 1:00am...not sure why. Guess I have lots on my mind! Work today so I have to try very hard to keep alert! We're suppose to get snow tonight and Sunday morning. I'm thankful I don't have to go to work until the afternoon tomorrow so maybe the snow will melt on the roads by then.
My neighbors were blessed with a new baby goat. Big surprise as they had no idea the female was even pregnant. The baby is pure white! Adorable! Hope she does okay in the cold weather!
Hope everyone has a blessed day!
Thank you for the welcome. It's hard to know how to deal with grieving for someone who died that I have not seen for many years, but who was so influential in my life. I just thought he was out there (I knew where), living his life. I thought, like I did with my sister, that he would just always be out there, somewhere. His older brother, who was always so sweet to me, also died a few years years ago.Trying to explain this to my grown daughter is hopeless. I'm still grieving my sister. My husband lost his best friend & we just observed the anniversary of that. I lost my childhood friend as well.
We moved to a new area a few years ago...very distant people. I joined a neighbor's Bible study group, women only, mostly for human contact. We are expected to share a little about our lives from the past week before diving into the weekly lesson, but I can just see their eyes glaze over if I bring somehing like this up. They love current gossip & drama, & I can't seem to pull out of the past, that is where I am now. My husband has been recovering from surgery since November, so we are very isolated.
At any rate, I hope all are well. We are having never-ending rain, snow flurries & gloom here...doesn't help.
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