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What we've done before is instead of food, take a big package of styrofoam plates, napkins and plastic utensils. At a time like this they don't want to have to spend time cleaning the dishes, either by hand or dishwasher. And food wise we'd take something like bread, potato chips, and 2 liter drinks. When my mother died we got several meat trays but hardly any bread to make sandwiches.
As far as the oriental custom of leaving food at the grave reminds me of the one where an old loud mouthed man visiting his wife's grave, saw an oriental man laying out the food on his loved ones grave. "Tell me, Sir! Just exactly when do you expect your dearly departed to come up and eat all that food?" The other man, without even looking up, stated "At the same time you expect yours to come up and smell the flowers."
Yes, they do, and it's a custom that I hope never dies out. It seems like such a little thing, but it is a huge relief to not have to wonder how you're going to feed your family when so much else is going on.
When I knew there would be a lot of family and friends in and out, I have taken over a supply of paper plates, cups, plastic ware, napkins and a roll or two of paper towels.
Years ago, people in the neighborhood would take over homemade food to the house. Now, if the deceased is a member of a church, here in the south, the church ladies will provide some food at the church hall for friends and family after the service. That is a nice gesture. I always leave a "love" offering/donation for the church if I attend.
When the ladies used to do the homemade food, sometimes the fridge and available counter space would groan with all the comfort food. Vegetables, fried chicken, ham, cakes, pies, etc. I must say for someone on the edges of the grieving, the food was delicious......lol. (I was young). There was something to be said for being a member of a community or church in a time of crisis or tragedy. It's not that way anymore, I fear.
Not that a post on City Data can change a long established custom, but if you know someone who has a relative that is ill and/or dying, particularly at home, it is actually a far greater benefit to send over food in the days before death. Those are the days when the time to cook is in shortest supply, and giving thought to food is the most difficult.
So if you find yourself knowing about a situation like that, think about providing food for a family that is keeping a death vigil.
Thanks. I recently found out that a friend's husband is terminally ill and probably won't see Christmas. I was thinking of making something for them like beef stew that they could just heat up when they feel like having something.
OK, the title threw me off - it sounds like making food for someone deceased. As to making/taking food over to the FAMILY of someone deceased, of course that is usually welcomed.
I knew what they meant, but the title put me in mind of the burial customs of the Egyptians ( or so I read) for their pharoahs when they died. Supposedly they buried them with everything they thought they would need for their trip to the netherworlds. That included clothing, everyday incidentals, and of course food. I think this was also customary for other groups of people in antiquity, as well, especially when they were burying royalty.
I think the food's put to much better purpose to feed the living, so I think bringing food to folks who've lost loved ones is a caring, and wonderful gesture, and it means so much to the recipients of the food.
Ive seen that happen on Dia De Los Muertos which is the day after Halloween. I've gone to the cemeteries to see people pretty much having a picnic type thing on the grave of their loved ones.
I envisioned someone cooking a meal and setting an extra place at the table. I suppose that happens, too.
The last few times a relative died, there were some food gifts. I wish there had been more! The bereaved are busy, exhausted, probably sleepless. A nice casserole or some Toll House cookies--anything--would really hit the spot. Eating cold cereal, canned soup and fast food gets old.
Thanks. I recently found out that a friend's husband is terminally ill and probably won't see Christmas. I was thinking of making something for them like beef stew that they could just heat up when they feel like having something.
That's a terrific idea. I'm sure it'll be appreciated.
My Father passed away two weeks ago. Friends sent food to the house. We have a big family so it was greatly appreciated.
In our area it's popular to send Italian beef with buns, potato salad, desserts, or ravioli's.
I always do this for friends and family, both in situations of death and illness. I usually bake a variety of muffins (banana, zucchini, blueberry, carrot), add a few bagels, and honey butter and cream cheese. These are great for breakfast and snacks. It seems that breakfast is a forgotten meal when people offer food.
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