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I can listen to his memories and look at the pictures and videos but don't feel I can tell him what to do about the gf telling him to hide those away out of her sight, that is his choice. But I think remembering his wife is the utmost form of respect and sometimes we need pictures and stories to help us remember. Not sure if others feel this way or am I the only one....?
I can listen to his memories and look at the pictures and videos but don't feel I can tell him what to do about the gf telling him to hide those away out of her sight, that is his choice. But I think remembering his wife is the utmost form of respect and sometimes we need pictures and stories to help us remember. Not sure if others feel this way or am I the only one....?
Yes, I understand you have no right to tell the guy to dump the gf. Of course you aren't the only one who feels that way. I would think the majority of people, at least those who are widowed, think that way. Do you know how the gf acted before she moved in? How can one date a widower without hearing about the deceased?
I can listen to his memories and look at the pictures and videos but don't feel I can tell him what to do about the gf telling him to hide those away out of her sight, that is his choice. But I think remembering his wife is the utmost form of respect and sometimes we need pictures and stories to help us remember. Not sure if others feel this way or am I the only one....?
You are absolutely correct in this. It's up to him if it's worth it to him to tolerate this level of insecurity and jealousy in his new girlfriend.
Since he must have told you about her feelings on this, though, it may be that he would like to be able to talk about her sometimes and you can be a friend by giving him the opportunity.
On the other hand, none of us ( do you?) know whether or not he kept his wife in the household, like a 3rd person and talked about her too much?
It's odd, but all too common behavior I'm afraid. Insecurity and jealousy are so destructive.
What would really make the new live-in girlfriend special and a "keeper" is if she lovingly acknowledged that part of her man's life. If I were her, I would say to him, "You both were so very lucky to have someone so special and loving in your lives. I am so sorry for your loss, dear man. Please know that I understand. I love you, <insert name>. It is my sincerest hope that you and I can love and respect each other as we explore and nurture our new relationship. Let's work together to make it the best we can, ok?" Saying something like this would have a big impact, as it shifts the focus to her and him while at the same time allowing him to remember, grieve, and share his feelings about his deceased wife. This is what I call being a mature, loving adult.
I don't know what is going on with the gf or in their house, don't know how things were when they started dating a few years after the wife died. The gf, I met only once for just three seconds. Something else too, he still lives in the same house he and the wife bought. GF moved in there a few years ago.
Not sure if this is the right place for this topic. A friend of mine was widowed several years ago and now has a live in girlfriend. The girlfriend doesn't allow him to display pictures of his deceased wife and refuses to hear him talk about his deceased wife. Not sure if this is normal behavior in a new relationship? His wife was an amazing woman who used to work where he and I worked. He has shown me pictures of her. I am comfortable with him telling me his fond memories of his wife, but the girlfriend won't hear of it, so I am not sure if this is his way of being able to mourn and grieve without being judged?
Doesn't sound as if this guy was ready for dating quite yet. Of course complete mention of his wife is unavoidable, but if his new gf is living there, pics of the first wife should be tucked away. That's a no-brainer. No woman wants to be reminded that she's in second place.
I would like to think a few small inconspicuous pictures would be ok.
Most folks I know who have remarried after the death of their spouse do have some photos at some place in their home -- or in a treasured photo album.
Your friend needs to put things in an album and enjoy them himself.
I, personally, would tell someone else who came into my home that it was my business what photos I had out and they don't have to be there if they don't like it, but every situation is different.
If he's mourning and grieving that much after several years, why is he even in a live-in relationship? Sounds like he is just reminiscing and not really mourning. And you're only hearing his side....but if he doesn't like his girlfriend supposedly not letting him talk or display pics then he needs a different (or maybe none at all) girlfriend. Yeah, yeh, guys supposedly move on really fast, mainly older guys who can't cook for themselves and want a maid - so I guess there are tradeoffs to that, no?
It's odd, but all too common behavior I'm afraid. Insecurity and jealousy are so destructive.
What would really make the new live-in girlfriend special and a "keeper" is if she lovingly acknowledged that part of her man's life. If I were her, I would say to him, "You both were so very lucky to have someone so special and loving in your lives. I am so sorry for your loss, dear man. Please know that I understand. I love you, <insert name>. It is my sincerest hope that you and I can love and respect each other as we explore and nurture our new relationship. Let's work together to make it the best we can, ok?" Saying something like this would have a big impact, as it shifts the focus to her and him while at the same time allowing him to remember, grieve, and share his feelings about his deceased wife. This is what I call being a mature, loving adult.
How do we know she hasn't done this? Maybe she's tired of doing it every day or every week - because I think this guy has issues and shouldn't even have a girlfriend. At some point you put the pictures in the closet and look at them once a year at Christmas by yourself. To always leave these things in the open means you're always ripping open the wound and it will never heal. It's not his girlfriend's job to get him over is wife - that's HIS job.
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