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I think this is extremely common. I've seen relatives moved across the country against their will, but there's no way to stop it from happening. A neighbor's estranged son destroyed her will so he could inherit. There doesn't seem to be anything you can do.
My aunt had a will and she had left some money to a cousin who had a hard life (long story). Two of her sisters knew she had a will and knew her wishes about the cousin but her son, the lawyer, must have thrown away the will because the cousin got nothing. The sisters were invited to come pick out something of hers to remember her by and said that the drawers were all turned out and stuff was all over as if burglars had gone through the house. Plus she wanted to be cremated and scattered because she had a fear of worms eating her body. Son had her cremated but he buried the ashes in the family plot anyway.
Really sad because this aunt was the kindest person I've ever known. Would help anyone and never had a bad word to say about anyone. Her son, not so much.
Things like this happen all the time. It's all too common. People who are old and sick are very likely to change their will to 'guarantee' the last of their time will be spent with someone, not alone. If the relatives live far away or are too busy to care for their elder, the money goes elsewhere.
Many of these older people are suffering from cognitive impairment. It's all about who spends time with them. Some spend/give away all their money to churches and charities. It makes them feel good about themselves and involved. Important. Maybe money is the only power they have left. It's not easy being old, sick, and useless!
This definitely didn't apply to my mother. I stopped giving her the power to hurt me when my kids got old enough to hurt. EG: I took out a loan to fly us (me and my two children) to visit and she wouldn't see us. (that was in the 90's) That was hateful but she was a textbook recluse. No one was allowed into her kingdom unless you were the hired help. And she treated them horribly. You couldn't cross her either. So my cousin didn't. I totally understand.
I could give you examples that would make you hate her but... sorta hijacks my own thread.
By the way, the replies here, somehow, ease the anxiety for me. It's not "misery loves company" but I wasn't sure if it was a common occurrence or not. Thanks so much for the replies.
Basically many time people think and will tells another tale. Wills normally are held by not just the person but a executor or attorney. Also at times they need to be updated as things change such as births.
True. In this case, the executor managed to have the will changed so she reaped half of everything.
Of the 5 kids, my sister got a check. My two boys, my two nephews, the wife of stepbrother who got house, the yard man, the caregiver/my cousin, the Humane Society and the Vet Tech who helped with dogs.
wow, this makes me sad. i don't expect anything from anyone and i feel like i'm too young to have a will of my own (my assumption is that my wife will just get everything and if she and i were both to die at the same time, my kids would get everything and if we all die together, i don't really care that much who gets our estate).
as for my parents, i haven't really given it much thought. they have a decent sized estate but i guess i just assumed that my brother and i would get it and anyone else in the family would help us through that process.
and for my wife's family, i more or less assumed the same.
we are a pretty traditional family in that we don't have any divorces, re-marriages, step-children, etc....among not just me but my sibling and my wife's sibling, our parents, our grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. it's just not really something that's done in my culture.
however, this thread does get me a little worried because my parents live overseas while i live here in the US. there are some complex laws regarding social security numbers, bank accounts, etc. where it probably won't be so straightforward if my parents were to both pass away.
in any case, it does rile me up at the thought of greedy folks taking advantage of these elderly folks. there's really no limit to the greed of some people cutting people out 100% from wills, etc.? in any case, good luck all.
True. In this case, the executor managed to have the will changed so she reaped half of everything.
Of the 5 kids, my sister got a check. My two boys, my two nephews, the wife of stepbrother who got house, the yard man, the caregiver/my cousin, the Humane Society and the Vet Tech who helped with dogs.
Honestly, if she'd left everything to a non-profit I'd be okay with that. It's her stuff and she can do what she wants HOWEVER it smells like a fish, ya know? That woman was an opportunist.
RVD, I love your post and the fact that your family is traditional. I was so surprised at the responses here. It's a good idea to be thoughtful about this.
Things like this happen all the time. It's all too common. People who are old and sick are very likely to change their will to 'guarantee' the last of their time will be spent with someone, not alone. If the relatives live far away or are too busy to care for their elder, the money goes elsewhere.
My stories are different and the endings aren't quite as horrible.
MY UNCLE'S DEATH IN 1988
The first story concerns my uncle. In 1985 I quit a job on September 15 and was scheduled to start a new one, I believe, October 6. On September 29, the day after Hurricane Gloria I was visiting friends in Philadelphia. I got a call from one of four cousins on my deceased father's side that my uncle, the only one on that side of the family who had money, had suffered a heart attack. I visited him at Leahy Clinic, near Boston.
He advised me that he had just changed his will from "per stirpes" to "per capita." This was quite negative since I was the only child of his brother, and his sister had four children, This meant that I was going to get 1/5 rather than 1/2 of his estate. Since his sister's ex-husband, the biological father of three of those cousins and adoptive father of one of them (the fourth child was born out of an affair with the family doctor) was quite wealthy I thought that they should ask their father why they were cut out of his will and why my legacy should be reduced. Needless to say I was berserk.
Over his next 2 1/2 years of life, I persuaded my uncle to modify the distributions somewhat in my favor, and reduce the charitable bequests. More importantly I persuaded him to cancel a promissory note I had given him to fund my education. The point is that while he never lost his faculties before his Feburary 1988 death. He was, however, being pushed and pulled in lots of directions. That is something to be guarded against.
MY MOTHER'S RECENT DEATH
More recently, in the past several weeks, my mother passed away. After her death, some hacker somehow got her debit card information and placed four debits for pornography rentals. I canceled the card, but fear I may have to shut down the bank account while Social Security payments are still coming. I was hopeing to leave the account open so that the government could simply take back the post-death distributions.
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