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Yes, it is especially common for young adults. This is naturally the time when we are separating from our parents in a major way as part of growing into adulthood. So the death of a parent at this time is often processed later in life.
Very true. This was true with me. I started realizing that she was gone when certain life events passed that would have normally involved her - college graduation, my wedding, pregnancy, and birth of my first child.
I honestly think that between 16 and 26 are the worst time to lose your mother. Not that there is a good time, but that has to be the worst.
I also envy people who had their parents in their lives until they were very old. My own Dad died when I was 11 and it really left a hole in my life. I would have loved to have him see how I turned out, and would have loved to have had more time to do things with him. I also wish to God he could have met my two Sons, he was a professional musician and they are too, and he would have been thrilled to see that.
No, you folks with older parents are so lucky to have had them in your lives for so long. Enjoy them while you can, and tell them you love them every time you talk to them !
I'm sure it's normal there's nothing wrong with crying after parents have been long gone. I'm fortunate to still have both of my parents. I'm sure I'll feel the pain in my heart everyday after they're gone as long as I'm alive.
It's definitely normal, even if your mother didn't want or like you, and even if you were an abused child.
I've buried both my parents years ago, and my husband has buried his. We've also buried three babies. Loss is part of our journey, sadly, and it never goes away.
Something cute though; my husband, when he's sleeping, will still say 'Mum" repeatedly when he's sick or has had a rough day. He has no memory of doing this, but I think it's precious.
Sure crying is a normal human response. Remember many cry at movie that are sad; so why not this when it hits you.
Tears are the heart's pressure valve, and we don't need a 'reason' to cry, as feelings have no brains and consequently reason doesn't have a say in the matter.
I recently found this and posted it on my fb page. (I enjoyed the book, too!)
Regarding Grieving:
"How do you know when it's been long enough?"
"When you realize that love doesn't have a time span. Only pain does. I think sometimes it's hard to distinguish between the two, so we just hold on to both of them like they're inseparable."
Karen White, On Folly Beach
My mom passed away 11 years ago and I didn't cry when she died. I was 18 years old and she was only 35 when she died.Now years later it just hit me that she is really gone. Sometimes I still hope that its all a dream and I am going to wake up. Is it normal to grieve years later?
Yes, it is normal to grieve WHEN YOU ARE READY.
ALthough I did shed a tear about 5 weeks after my mother was gone, it wasn't a "meltdown", just a sadness that she was gone, but It was 5 or 6 years later that in going through some stuff that I ran across the "take away memorial card" from the funeral home that I really broke down. My Mother had a LONG bout with illness,but died rather suddenly.
MOH had 3 years to know my MIL was dying, and so didn't cry about it at all much when she passed, but had a quivering voice when MOH read the poem about "illlness and being called home" {that was in my mother's card-it was appropriate for both} AT My MIL's funeral. That quiver was about it. In fact, MOH worked around the days of MIL's passing, except the actual day we buried her. Two years later, though, the tears flowed!
So dear OP, You will grieve in your own time. Do not worry about it.
I am 38, and my childhood best friend died when we were in our early 20s. Sometimes I think about what it would be like to have her still in my life, and the kind of person she would be today, and her death hits me like a freight train all over again. I did not really mourn her death in the healthiest way because I have a "helper" mentality - I was busy "being strong" and upbeat for the people who were falling apart around me (including her mother who was also suffering from a fatal illness). Then I promptly went into a year-long depression after her mother's death a few months later.
Time heals the wounds caused by a death in that eventually it doesn't consume our every thought, but that doesn't mean we forget entirely. Unless you are finding your life consumed by your mother's death, I'd say your reaction is perfectly normal.
I'm sorry for your loss.
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