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My approach is different but is actually encouraging. Because the OP isn't so unusually special, there ARE people like her and she CAN find friends and community.
That is harder done than said. You have to get out and explore- not easily done when depression has you unable to get out of your house or your bed for that matter. When I was at my worst, maybe all I could have done... saying this tongue in cheek--- when meeting someone I might have felt like saying--- hello, I'm depressed, want to be my best friend--- of course never did and wouldn't!!! The joke is my way of expressing how I know I needed friends but was too distressed to make the real steps necessary.
Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal
By the way, I have dealt with depression and from personal experience, the best thing to do is to not wallow in it and find more reasons to stay depressed. The book I recommended is true: healing is a choice.
I am glad you were able to move beyond I but healing is not necessarily a choice. There are different degrees of depression that drags a person down.
When I went to visit my mother, long after I was grown and my mother used her manipulative and hurtful ways to communicate about what bothered her (at times I think this is the only way she knows how to communicate), I spent the better part of the week (after I returned home) unable to get out of bed. Depression engulfed me and without any support, I just had to ride the wave of pain and depression.
That is off topic, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to share how difficult depression is and it can cause a multitude of problems that make it hard to find a community.
If the support is not there, if the counselor isn't helping, if a person cannot rise above their anguish, it is not about will power or whether a person wants to get better.
Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal
The OP can:
1. Get talk therapy
2. Use medication
3.. Learn to control negative thoughts and reframe past negative experiences.
Depression is not a "death sentence."
First, if the depression is overwhelming, it can be dangerous and without support it can lead to death.
Second....
1. Talk therapy does not always work- it takes a counselor/ doctor who connects well with the depressed person. I have tried to find the right balance and so far, unable to.
2. Medication will not take away the need for real in person support of people not available (I know that feeling of not having ANYone).
3. Control the negative thoughts? Only when those feelings are examined and understood for what they are can this happen. There are different degrees of negative thoughts. I never knew about my deep, deep fears because no counselor was able to help me get to them. When you grow up not talking to family members, you learn to hide your feelings- even from yourself. I didn't have a clue until five years ago why I was always afraid- or that I was afraid.
Depression is confusing and scary at times. Grief over not having loved ones around you, of feeling disconnected from your family, having no one really hear you, that is painful beyond words.
OP I do relate to what you've said. I wish you the best.
Last edited by Wild Flower; 05-06-2015 at 11:36 PM..
I am glad you were able to move beyond I but healing is not necessarily a choice. There are different degrees of depression that drags a person down.
When I went to visit my mother, long after I was grown and my mother used her manipulative and hurtful ways to communicate about what bothered her (at times I think this is the only way she knows how to communicate), I spent the better part of the week (after I returned home) unable to get out of bed. Depression engulfed me and without any support, I just had to ride the wave of pain and depression.
That is off topic, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to share how difficult depression is and it can cause a multitude of problems that make it hard to find a community.
If the support is not there, if the counselor isn't helping, if a person cannot rise above their anguish, it is not about will power or whether a person wants to get better.
First, if the depression is overwhelming, it can be dangerous and without support it can lead to death.
Second....
1. Talk therapy does not always work- it takes a counselor/ doctor who connects well with the depressed person. I have tried to find the right balance and so far, unable to.
2. Medication will not take away the need for real in person support of people not available (I know that feeling of not having ANYone).
3. Control the negative thoughts? Only when those feelings are examined and understood for what they are can this happen. There are different degrees of negative thoughts. I never knew about my deep, deep fears because no counselor was able to help me get to them. When you grow up not talking to family members, you learn to hide your feelings- even from yourself. I didn't have a clue until five years ago why I was always afraid- or that I was afraid.
Depression is confusing and scary at times. Grief over not having loved ones around you, of feeling disconnected from your family, having no one really hear you, that is painful beyond words.
OP I do relate to what you've said. I wish you the best.
Healing IS choice meaning that taking whatever options that are available is choice based. One can choose to skip treatment and stay depressed or one can choose to get some help. Even basic help will cause some improvement.
To your points, I was suggesting a combination of all 3. Talk therapy does work. The key is finding the therapist that uses the right therapeutic approach. Most people won't like Freudian therapists but may do better with a CBT therapist. Also, the patient cannot go in mind the mindset that the therapist is going to cure them or make them better.
It's the process of therapy that makes the person better. The patient has to be willing to change their beliefs centered around the things causing the depression.
I believe that medication should only be used in conjunction with talk therapy. Pills will not change your life.
Yes, we control our thoughts. It's 100% true. If I said, "think about a yellow flower," could you do that? Then guess what, when a negative thought pops up into your mind, you can choose to think about something else. This is not avoidance. For instance, take someone dealing with sexual abuse. They can choose to deal with those thoughts within the space of their therapy sessions or in other therapeutic spaces. However, keeping a constant, negative, looping tape playing in your mind of thoughts like "no one will ever love me," "I'm used goods," "my life is over," etc is not helpful and the person has the power to control those thoughts and shut them down.
When negative beliefs are being confronted in a positive way, it's a good thing. When those negative beliefs are just running rampant and out of control, it's not good.
As for reframing thoughts, google "Neuro-linguistic programming."
Just because you don't understand the depth a person can experience with depression, grief, loneliness, not make the person delusional.
Oh, I can understand just fine. Been there myself and fought back. The OP talks in circles has no intention of helping themselves and does not belong in a grief forum for people truly grieving the loss of a loved one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal
Healing IS choice meaning that taking whatever options that are available is choice based. One can choose to skip treatment and stay depressed or one can choose to get some help. Even basic help will cause some improvement.
To your points, I was suggesting a combination of all 3. Talk therapy does work. The key is finding the therapist that uses the right therapeutic approach. Most people won't like Freudian therapists but may do better with a CBT therapist. Also, the patient cannot go in mind the mindset that the therapist is going to cure them or make them better.
It's the process of therapy that makes the person better. The patient has to be willing to change their beliefs centered around the things causing the depression.
I believe that medication should only be used in conjunction with talk therapy. Pills will not change your life.
Yes, we control our thoughts. It's 100% true. If I said, "think about a yellow flower," could you do that? Then guess what, when a negative thought pops up into your mind, you can choose to think about something else. This is not avoidance. For instance, take someone dealing with sexual abuse. They can choose to deal with those thoughts within the space of their therapy sessions or in other therapeutic spaces. However, keeping a constant, negative, looping tape playing in your mind of thoughts like "no one will ever love me," "I'm used goods," "my life is over," etc is not helpful and the person has the power to control those thoughts and shut them down.
When negative beliefs are being confronted in a positive way, it's a good thing. When those negative beliefs are just running rampant and out of control, it's not good.
As for reframing thoughts, google "Neuro-linguistic programming."
Very good post, charly, but I am sure all logical responses fall on deaf ears on purpose. I would suggest to save your breath. "Pearls to swine".
Yeah, thank people AFTER you were called out on it, OP.
I'm not sure but maybe this can at least help you put things into perspective.
Do you know what Kyoutenka means? It's means Heaven's Mirror. It's both a song and what they call a certain flower in the game Eternal Sonata.
In a scene near the beginning of the game,a girl named Polka is talking to Frederick about the flowers that are blooming. She explains that they're called Heaven's Mirror because they're like a reflection of the starry sky on the meadows. These flowers never bloom during the day. Only at night. When the sun is up, they stay in their buds, but they're able to absorb sunlight with their leaves. And after night falls, they let out all the light they've stored when they blossom.
But she explains, they're also called Death Lights, because the sun brings life, but the dark brings death. And these flowers bloom in darkness. So, darkness is evil, light is good. Whether you want to call them Heaven's Mirror or Death Lights, that's up to you.
She goes on to explain that nearly everyone has taken to calling them Death Lights. Long ago, it was thought they looked like the light that guided people to death, since they blossom the opposite of regular flowers. Even
now, a lot of people don't like these flowers. To many, they're still considered a bad omen.
So I think maybe the point of the scene is that it's all a matter of perspective. You can look at the bad, or you can look at the good. It's not always easy but it's worth it.
My purpose: I was just making a statement. One could categorize it as "venting" or "declaring"... I am not sure which psychological category declaring fits under.
I admit I was making a radical statement and my thoughts are not traditionally (or "mainstreamly" accepted). But people (the masses I mean) don't think and just repeat what they heard and were taught. Be it right or wrong. But others (rebels or pioneers) come up with new ways of thinking. And I think that some day people will agree with what I am saying. But not today.
(By the way, I do thank all the nice people for the nice comments, I did appreciate kindness).
You're not a rebel or a pioneer, you're a narcissist - you're just not as good as hiding it as other narcissists. That's why you've never loved anyone and why you're so isolated. You're incapable of empathy because you can imagine no pain other than your own and you can't find a pain that compares with yours. You have no idea how to connect to other people - they're all "the masses" who can't possibly understand your rarefied mind. You've classified everyone as "other."
Get over yourself. See a therapist. Hope that your missing empathy chip will be recovered when you get the depression under control. Sometimes depression can exacerbate narcissistic tendencies into full-blown narcissism.
I have been depressed in my lifetime. Deeply depressed. It was the worst feeling I've ever had! So bad, I do everything I can to make sure I never feel that low again. It's a fear. Later, I learned I felt that way because I saw myself in a situation as being trapped with no way out & I didn't like where I was. Another reason turned out to be due to hormones. It took years before I didn't feel depressed at all. And I can't say for sure I will never fall that far again.
If there had been an internet then and/or if I had reached out as LoveWisdom has done & people responded as harshly as some have on this forum, I surely would have carried through my suicidal plans. There but for the grace of God, go I.
Healing IS choice meaning that taking whatever options that are available is choice based. One can choose to skip treatment and stay depressed or one can choose to get some help. Even basic help will cause some improvement.
To your points, I was suggesting a combination of all 3. Talk therapy does work. The key is finding the therapist that uses the right therapeutic approach. Most people won't like Freudian therapists but may do better with a CBT therapist. Also, the patient cannot go in mind the mindset that the therapist is going to cure them or make them better.
It's the process of therapy that makes the person better. The patient has to be willing to change their beliefs centered around the things causing the depression.
I believe that medication should only be used in conjunction with talk therapy. Pills will not change your life.
Yes, we control our thoughts. It's 100% true. If I said, "think about a yellow flower," could you do that? Then guess what, when a negative thought pops up into your mind, you can choose to think about something else. This is not avoidance. For instance, take someone dealing with sexual abuse. They can choose to deal with those thoughts within the space of their therapy sessions or in other therapeutic spaces. However, keeping a constant, negative, looping tape playing in your mind of thoughts like "no one will ever love me," "I'm used goods," "my life is over," etc is not helpful and the person has the power to control those thoughts and shut them down.
When negative beliefs are being confronted in a positive way, it's a good thing. When those negative beliefs are just running rampant and out of control, it's not good.
As for reframing thoughts, google "Neuro-linguistic programming."
I am not disagreeing with you. Not in the least. But unless you have gone the depth of major depression where at the time, you had neither insight or help through it- when I was growing up and no one paid any attention to what happened to me, not even me. Then, moving beyond that into adulthood that I still was unaware of why I was anxious- did not even have words to describe.
It has been a long road and I do have some help now and I am improving. For me it was not, oh I feel bad when I didn't before. It has been a life long process and again, I AM improving.
There is not one way that is right and no way to know how a person deals with their circumstances unless you are in their shoes.
Please don't declare certain things are the only way to handle things or THE WAY or a person is not doing what they are SUPPOSE to be doing.
P.S,,, I would never expect a therapist to solve my problems. But I do need real support, someone who will listen.
There is a new ad campaign about depression. The man (forgot who) says there are three little words to help people with mental illness.
[quote=tamiznluv;39522139]Oh, I can understand just fine. Been there myself and fought back. The OP talks in circles has no intention of helping themselves and does not belong in a grief forum for people truly grieving the loss of a loved one.
/quote]
If a person is grieving for a life that is not a happy one and feels no way to find that happy life, why is that frowned on? Regardless of what you believe about the OP, why is she judged for talking about what she is feeling, trying to express the grief and BE LISTENED TO.
Life is hard to go through alone. No matter what the circumstances. Just let her be if you can't give some kind of support.
I have been depressed in my lifetime. Deeply depressed. It was the worst feeling I've ever had! So bad, I do everything I can to make sure I never feel that low again. It's a fear. Later, I learned I felt that way because I saw myself in a situation as being trapped with no way out & I didn't like where I was. Another reason turned out to be due to hormones. It took years before I didn't feel depressed at all. And I can't say for sure I will never fall that far again.
If there had been an internet then and/or if I had reached out as LoveWisdom has done & people responded as harshly as some have on this forum, I surely would have carried through my suicidal plans. There but for the grace of God, go I.
I was being helpful, IMO, earlier in the thread. Suicidal? I was there 3 years ago and this forum saved me. OP suicidal? Just about as much as I am now...NOT.
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