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Exactly. Even if you haven't seen the deceased in 20 years, if you do see their family and friends, it's supportive and respectful to go. If you can't or won't go, a sympathy card is better than ignoring the whole thing.
I kept seeing this thread and had nothing to say until something happened this week. I went to our gym and coming toward me was a man someone had told me on Facebook was dead. You might go to make sure it is the person you think it is. LOL
Right now I am wondering if my mouth flew open because it was certainly a shock. I was glad he wasn't dead.
Last year my wife's family friends who knew my wife when she was growing up her husband was in his final days with cancer she invited us up to the house my wife had not seen them in 25 years. He sure was surprised to see us while I think he also was little irritated that his wife having house guests at the home while he looked so bad he was happy to see my wife. I'm in the camp that it's better to see someone before they die then go to funerals. My sister is staying here this week all of this with my grandmother has blown over so it never became a problem between us.
A friend of mine who I grew up with got back in touch with me after 25 years turned out his parents lived in my neighborhood I didn't even know it. I went over there a few times in the last few years then his father turned up with stomach cancer in 2013 died in 6 months. When he came over asked if I was going to the funeral I said I really don't want to just like to remember him the last time I went to his home when he was happy. I knew his mother had a lot of friends and family that would take care of her. I just don't like funerals I guess I know Ill have to go to them as my family is getting up into their 70's.
I moved out of my parents' house 24 years ago. My parents moved from that house 15 years ago. When our old next door neighbor died, I probably hadn't seen her in several years, but I went because the neighbors children were good friends growing up and we had all lost touch.
When I approached my neighbor friend after all these years to offer my condolences on the passing of her mother after the ceremony, she grew wide-eyed, hugged me tightly and started sobbing. She had pretty much kept it together up until then, but I think the surprise of seeing someone who knew her when she was a child (the older you get, the fewer people who remember you are still around) let her release a lot of pent up emotions. I know my attendance meant a lot to her.
That was very nice what you did and it was obviously very much appreciated.
However that's not the the same as adult grandchild who lives 20 miles from her grandmother, and hasn't bothered with her in 20 years.
My sister never went to see our grandmother who lived 20 miles from her in 20 years but she got upset with me when I told her not to go to the funeral. Why not see someone before they pass away what good is it if you wait until that person is dead? I have family members who I never talk to I don't plan on going to their funerals. Funerals are about the living grieving not the dead who could careless if you come or not.
I think...you had no right to tell her not to go to the funeral.
That's not your call.....
Why she does what she does should be no concern of yours....she shouldn't have to explain herself for attending a funeral.,,,it was her grandmother too, regardless of whether you approve of what she did in the past or does in her future.
I agree that people should visit with loved ones while they're still alive...but that's me, and as you know...not everybody else.
Going to a funeral brings a certain type of closure for some people.
My sister never went to see our grandmother who lived 20 miles from her in 20 years but she got upset with me when I told her not to go to the funeral. Why not see someone before they pass away what good is it if you wait until that person is dead? I have family members who I never talk to I don't plan on going to their funerals. Funerals are about the living grieving not the dead who could careless if you come or not.
Aside from your post being all kinds of contradictory, you have no business telling your sister what to do, how to feel, or where to go. No wonder she was upset.
There are many, many reasons for attending funerals; everyone in the room will have a different reason. So grieve your own way -- or not -- and mind your own business.
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