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I joined a group (with two trained moderators) as well as one on one counseling after my husband dropped dead suddenly and completely unexpectedly last year. I found the group to be full of irritating people but the one on one counseling was very, very effective.
Just my personal observations of my personal experiences.
I also want to say that my best friend lost her husband one week to the minute after mine. But the circumstances were a lot different - her husband was older than mine, and most importantly, he'd been sick and under hospice care for a long time beforehand so it wasn't unexpected (I heard someone at my door, opened my door, and a state trooper yanked the rug out from under my whole life - I believe gobsmacked is the best word for how I felt). She didn't go through any counseling. She went to a group once in awhile for a few weeks but quit that. But now, nearly a year out for both of us, she and I are doing very much the same - we miss our husbands terribly but are moving on with our lives. I do think she took longer to get herself on track than I did, but oh well - everyone is different, every counselor and every group are different.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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I lost my closest brother in 1992, the day after my father-in-law died. My father died in 1996, my mother-in-law died on my birthday in 2013, a sister died in 2016, and my step-father died in 2019. No, we have not sought any counseling. Death is just part (the last part) of life, and even when sudden and accidental there is nothing to be gained by stressing out over it. I take the view that the loved ones would not want us to be so upset that we couldn't cope without professional help. An appropriate amount of grieving, sharing memories with others, and then moving on is a healthy way to go.
I lost my closest brother in 1992, the day after my father-in-law died. My father died in 1996, my mother-in-law died on my birthday in 2013, a sister died in 2016, and my step-father died in 2019. No, we have not sought any counseling. Death is just part (the last part) of life, and even when sudden and accidental there is nothing to be gained by stressing out over it. I take the view that the loved ones would not want us to be so upset that we couldn't cope without professional help. An appropriate amount of grieving, sharing memories with others, and then moving on is a healthy way to go.
Grief counseling certainly helped me process things, so I guess everyone is different.
I lost my FIL, then my MIL, then my dad, then my mom, then my younger brother and then my husband, all within a bit under six years. The oldest person was 80 (actually two people, my mother and my MIL) but the youngest (my brother, who was very close to me in age and emotionally) was only 55.
Also in that same time frame, my youngest daughter decided that I was a toxic person (even though apparently my other three adult kids haven't reached that conclusion) and she cut me completely out of her life so I haven't spoken with her in over three years and she's blocked me from any form of contact. She took four of my eight grandkids with her and disappeared. It was absolutely horrible.
So grief counseling has helped me tremendously. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that I wouldn't be where I am today, basically happy and productive, if it wasn't for that one on one counseling. It was all just a bit too overwhelming emotionally - it was like I never had the time to recover from one blow before another one came along. And with my parents and inlaws, there was other drama involved - legal issues, long illnesses, etc. Oh and during much of that time, my darling brother was losing his battle with pancreatic cancer. And then after all that, my husband, who I absolutely adored, just dropped dead unexpectedly. Thank God for a good counselor.
I never did feel weak or silly or mentally unstable or whatever as I was going to a professional grief counselor. If anything, I felt strong and empowered, especially after a few months.
I joined a Grief group and we have Zoom calls every other week along with a group chat. We check in with each other almost daily and that has helped. I am also part of several grief groups on Facebook.
I am still going to sign up for some one on one counseling too.
Kathryn, I am so sorry about your daughter and grandchildren. I have found therapy to be very helpful when under extreme stress.
Oh thank you. My daughter deciding to completely cut off her family (not just me but including me) has been one of the most heartbreaking events of my life. And it happened in the middle of losing my parents, my brother, etc. Like you, I went to counseling and found it to be very helpful.
I'm like this - if I can DO something, it worries me till I do it. But once I realize I can't do anything else, I don't worry much about something. It can be anything, from cleaning a closet out to worrying about my daughter and grandkids. So now that I feel like I really have done all I can do realistically, and the rest is up to her, I've been able to let go of it. It's still painful to me but not agonizing, thanks to the counseling.
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