Losing a sibling sure does feel a lot different from losing a parent.
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I'm so sorry, Kathryn, I can tell how much you love him. I haven't yet lost a sibling and don't even want to think about how hard that would be. But I have a friend who lost her younger brother over 20 years ago and she still has trouble talking about him and his loss. I think there's something really special about loving a brother or sister.
so sorry for your loss and im dealing with a friend who has cancer again !! I have lost 4 friends in the last 4 yrs who have /had cancer . Im so sorry and if the depression gets too bad please seek help . I know you are devastated . I was when my youngest brother got the cancer and passed . God bless you .
I am so sorry. While I have no siblings, I remember how my mother - and now, one of my cousins - felt so alone after losing their last siblings (who were my uncle and first cousin). I lost my best friend two years ago, and feel that loss sharply and likely already will, especially when I encounter something I wish I could share...or that reminds me of my friend.
When you are ready, and the loss is not quite so acute, it might be helpful to write down your memories of your brother and the good times - and maybe the bad times, too - that you shared. Meanwhile, be easy on yourself and don't judge yourself for any unexpected reactions in the days and weeks ahead. It sounds as if you were a wonderful sister and that is a priceless gift.
Thinking of you and your family and sending best wishes.
so sorry for your loss and im dealing with a friend who has cancer again !! I have lost 4 friends in the last 4 yrs who have /had cancer . Im so sorry and if the depression gets too bad please seek help . I know you are devastated . I was when my youngest brother got the cancer and passed . God bless you .
Oh my gosh. I am so sorry about your brother. I truly can say I probably know how you feel - and it's BAD.
I was really surprised by these emotions - still am in fact. I can't believe how raw and mad I feel. I HATE CANCER SO MUCH. I am really sorry about your friends as well as your brother.
And believe me, I will seek help if I keep feeling this bad because I hate the way I feel right now.
I've lost both parents, and five siblings. The loss of parents was devastating to me, but expected because they were a generation ahead of me, you know? But my siblings were closer in age to me, and I expected them to be with me all my life, so their loss was no less devastating than the loss of my parents.
In the past five years my husband and I lost all four of our parents, and that was tough emotionally. It was also tough because both our moms had dementia so we had to really step in and care for them, the estates, etc. and it was just very draining.
But I am surprised at how overwhelmingly sad I am about losing my younger brother, who passed away after a long fight with cancer, just last night. Oh my gosh. I mean, I expected to be sad but I am REALLY REALLY sad. As in, I feel depressed and don't want to eat, don't want to get dressed, nothing. I keep just looking at photos of him, listening to songs that remind me of him, and crying and crying and crying. And I knew this was coming too. He had stage 4 pancreatic cancer (terrible way to go by the way) and so I saw this coming from a long way off. Though he lived many states away, I was able to go see him a few weeks ago (thank God) and talk with him on the phone often. We didn't have a complex, angst driven, or distant relationship - we loved each other and always have, so I don't have regrets or anything like that.
Part of me just HATES the way he suffered before he died - I felt like no one deserves that, and especially not him, because he had some hard blows in life that weren't his fault, and this was just a bad, bad way to go. Plus he's a fighter and so he fought death hard. So he died hard. I hate that, but that was his personality in part so I have to respect that.
Part of me is mourning for our lost childhood. I have many fond memories of growing up with him, and a big chunk of those are from our childhood years in Virginia. In fact, that region (Chesapeake Bay area) is my very favorite part of the country, so I had saved a real estate search for that region, as well as our local region and a few other areas that appeal to me. I just like to keep up with real estate prices. Anyway, every morning I get a list of new listings in my inbox and they are generally from all over the place. This morning, nearly every single one was from that area in Virginia, and they were all homes that reminded me a lot of the home we lived in so many years ago. It was really something.
Anyway, it's just a really different sort of grief. I expected it to not be quite as hard as losing our parents, because I was "in charge" whether I wanted to be or not during that time, and this time his wife is in charge, I'm out of state, and basically I'm just going to show up for the funeral in a few days. Seems like between this and the fact that I am relieved he's out of pain, I'd feel less raw. Instead, I feel AWFUL. I am flat out, absolutely depressed and don't want to do ANYTHING, not even get dressed, which is not typical of me at all.
I just wanted to share that and see if others felt differently when they lost a sibling rather than someone else dear to them.
I am really sorry for your loss. I think you are grieving and realizing that grieving involves a lot of different feelings. You are mourning not only the lost of your brother, but probably your youth as well. Be kind to yourself.
Thank you. I am so grateful that neither of my parents had to get through losing a child.
Yes, that's really hard. My dad's third wife died of cancer at 45. I can't imagine. Even when my dad died at 57 it killed his dad, who historically hadn't been all that nice to him his whole life. He died two months later to the day. He had fought horrible rheumatoid arthritis for many years and was a complete invalid for 10 years but what finally killed him was the death of his son.
I've lost both parents, and five siblings. The loss of parents was devastating to me, but expected because they were a generation ahead of me, you know? But my siblings were closer in age to me, and I expected them to be with me all my life, so their loss was no less devastating than the loss of my parents.
Hugs to you.
Oh my goodness. I am so sorry. Now I know how my grandmother felt when both her parents and all her brothers (all her siblings) were gone - she was just tired of still being alive when the people she loved so much were gone - but she also really loved her son, my dad - and us kids of course. But after her last brother died, there was always an undercurrent of sadness to her.
I am really shocked at how this has hit me. My best friend and my other brother both told me, "Wow, I didn't hear this reaction from you when anyone else died." And it's true - my parents' deaths really saddened me but like you said, I expected those - it was the natural order of things. I guess I just thought my brother, who was a bit younger than me, would always just be in this world, and yet, at 54 he's gone.
I am really sorry for your loss. I think you are grieving and realizing that grieving involves a lot of different feelings. You are mourning not only the lost of your brother, but probably your youth as well. Be kind to yourself.
I really agree with this now that I think about it.
You know, my brother and I shared so many memories of our childhood. Now our parents are gone, and now so is he. Our youngest brother is MUCH younger than us and didn't share the same memories, though of course I love him too. But it's like a touchstone in my life is gone, if that makes sense. Like "who else will remember eating Cap'n Crunch and watching Looney Tunes on Saturday mornings?" I mean, a lot more than that but you get my drift.
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