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My husband passed 2 yrs ago in late Oct. I didn't decorate but went to my daughter's home where they decorated rather than them coming to mine. Then, my house broke. Literally.. the foundation/basement wall split totally in half (we lived in a forest and run off and roots were a big prob). I purchased a new home closer to my aging parents and my daughter and her family. The day AFTER I bought my new home, my son in law informed me that they were moving 1000 miles away. sigh.
Last Christmas, since it was just me and nobody was coming over, I didn't put up a tree or any decor. I bought a new tree thinking I would but I never unboxed it. That made one of my daughter's sad and she sent me an inflatable tree with built in ornaments that she found, lol. She insisted I blow it up and send her a pic of it, so I did. It was cute and hokey.
I actually have a large family and we do all get together for meal and fun later in the day on Christmas day and I do attend and I have a nice time. It's just odd waking up Christmas morning to ...nothing.
The Salvation Army was my husbands favorite charity and I started giving them a larger donation in his name for Christmas now and will continue to do so.
This yr, it just so happened that some out of state family asked if they could stay with me for a few days over Christmas because they would like to join the family for Christmas. I said yes and I believe that will be very good for me and will also be a catalyst for me putting up the tree and some decorations.
I had already decided that if no one could be here for Christmas morning that I would serve food at the local soup kitchen and that will probably be my plan in the future when the kids can't come in.
I am hoping tho that next yr the kids and grands will be able to come.
I generally don't care for Christmas anyway because of what it's become and the commercialization. I truly decorate more for Thanksgiving and enjoy that more.
But, I decided that I would do my best to not get down and participate as I am truly blessed. And even tho I have lost my husband so early and unexpectedly, I have much to be thankful for.
The first Christmas after my husband died, I was doing....OK....not good, not bad, just OK.
He had always loved decorating for Christmas, buying presents and having a big day. I just couldn't get into the mood for it that year. But, WOW!, I saw that Santa was coming to the mall the next day and his sleigh was being pulled by REAL reindeer. I couldn't miss that and I figured it might jump-start the season for me.
So, I get there and here comes Santa with the adorable little reindeer. I'm really enjoying the sight and then BAM! here come the tears and the sobbing. The harder I tried to stop, the harder I cried. I'm trying to get out of the crowd, people are looking at me like I'm a crazy lady, and I don't know where to go.
A couple of nice little old ladies are patting me down and get me out of the crowd and away into a less-crowded spot. I just can't stop crying and I can't explain why. One runs off to get me a cold drink and the other one just holds me. And then what to my wondering (and tearful) eyes should behold, but my sister comes strolling around the corner and takes over. She hustles me outside where they're loading up the reindeer. She explains the situation to the handlers and they LET.ME.PET.THE.REINDEER! Real reindeer.
It was a hard Christmas season, but I did get to pet the reindeer...…
It gets easier each year. It never gets easy, but it *does* get easiER. I'm comforting an old friend now who lost her husband two weeks ago and that's what I keep telling her...….it WILL get easier. It's 14 years now and I'm in a relationship but Christmas is when I miss him the most.
My condolences to all of you who have lost loved ones, I can't imagine how hard it must be during the holidays.
My situation (like a lot of folks, I'm sure) is a little different. I live far away from my kids and grandkids, and Christmas without them hurts my heart. My husband and I love the lights, decorations and music, so we put up a small tree and go through the motions, but Christmas Day is the saddest day of my year. Knowing they are opening presents, having dinner and just generally celebrating without me takes away all of the joy. This is selfish, I know, but that's how I feel.
This year, the first week in December, we are making the 6 hour drive across the state to see my daughter and her family. We will have a smallish Christmas while we are there. None of us are in shape financially to visit each other, which is why I get so sad. We will be sacrificing a lot to make this trip, but it will be worth it. I am getting old, and my health is not good so getting to spend time with them means a lot to me.
I am in no way trying to equate my grief with those of you who are truly mourning someone who is gone, because I know it's not even close. I wish you all the best for the upcoming holidays, and hope you can find some joy and peace.
Wounded, there are all sorts of losses. Losing one's health, livelihood, and way of life can be devastating. It's OK to feel sad even if no one has died. I said so, so you get a pass.
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