The elderly, facing death

[Harpaint]

Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948

How odd when I read these posts where are the kids they raised aren’t you supposed to take care of your parents
What am I missing

Well one thing you may be missing is that many of the "kids" are themselves in their 60's and 70's when their parents need a lot of care and they just can't do it. Also, many are living for a long time while needing a lot of care and family just can't handle it for 10 years or even longer.

[Nov3]

Originally Posted by Harpaint

Well one thing you may be missing is that many of the "kids" are themselves in their 60's and 70's when their parents need a lot of care and they just can't do it. Also, many are living for a long time while needing a lot of care and family just can't handle it for 10 years or even longer.

My son has in-laws. Both of whom are in their 60's. The MIL took care of her Dad in her home. It was for her a time of easing him to his final rest. He had done all he could surgery wise and therapy wise. He knew his days were number. He bonded so endearingly to his great grand daughter. When he passed it was bitter sweet. The FIL faithfully for 20 years had a weekly adventure with his mother. She was 100 . Sprite and chipper! Then she one day sat in her chair and fell asleep ...for good. It was like a gentle breeze moment. He simply looked over as he was reading a book. And he knew.
It's two separate parents ...yet each were with their children. To be so blessed.

I know my sons. They are not nurturers..so to even think they'll be around when the time comes is a fantasy. I certainly imparted the importance of family. And for the most part my eldest particularly is a great husband and father. Yet I don't see him being available should I come to that final days of life. My youngest will internalize it and that is his coping way. Few on words yet takes things to heart. In this day and age.... I imagine someone will send a text on my demise and the emoji of !oh! Will be the response. Then on to did you see xyz on TV? That's how life goes..

[Harpaint]

Originally Posted by Nov3

My son has in-laws. Both of whom are in their 60's. The MIL took care of her Dad in her home. It was for her a time of easing him to his final rest. He had done all he could surgery wise and therapy wise. He knew his days were number. He bonded so endearingly to his great grand daughter. When he passed it was bitter sweet. The FIL faithfully for 20 years had a weekly adventure with his mother. She was 100 . Sprite and chipper! Then she one day sat in her chair and fell asleep ...for good. It was like a gentle breeze moment. He simply looked over as he was reading a book. And he knew.
It's two separate parents ...yet each were with their children. To be so blessed.

I know my sons. They are not nurturers..so to even think they'll be around when the time comes is a fantasy. I certainly imparted the importance of family. And for the most part my eldest particularly is a great husband and father. Yet I don't see him being available should I come to that final days of life. My youngest will internalize it and that is his coping way. Few on words yet takes things to heart. In this day and age.... I imagine someone will send a text on my demise and the emoji of !oh! Will be the response. Then on to did you see xyz on TV? That's how life goes..

Was the MIL working full time while caring her father in her home? That is one of the obstacle for many now and was less common of course in the 50's and earlier.

[petch751]

Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948

How odd when I read these posts where are the kids they raised aren’t you supposed to take care of your parents
What am I missing

In the old days families were larger and most of the kids stayed close by. The wife typically stayed home too. Today it takes both husband and wife working to make ends meet.

Both the husband and wife have parents, that's potentially care giving for 4 elderly people. In our case I took care of mom, my husband took care of his dad during the same period of time. One day I took mom to the ER, then got a phone call that his dad fell and was taken to another hospital, there we were with our parents, same night, in different hospitals. Mom died, his dad had an operation the next morning.

That said, I did take care of mom. I was exhausted, my husband, my job and my home was neglected, eventually I lost my job. Because I had a hard time seeing mom ill I was emotionally exhausted too. I cried a lot but never let her see me cry. We couldn't get outside help, and one of my brothers bailed.

It's not like taking care of a child who progresses, while an elderly person gets worse. It is not easy, it feels like your own life is over, and in my case I also had to take from my retirement to pay for things.

Would I do it again, yes, I wanted moms last days to be the best I could provide but it does take a major toll on caregivers.

I don't think people from the previous generations stop to think about the differences between then and now and the toll on the caregivers because they ignore the differences.

[petch751]

By the way, I hope I don't come off wrong in the previous posts but I had to state the facts to answer someones post asking about the kids taking care of our parents. My post also come from my experience and talking to others who went through the same thing.

[grad_student200]

Originally Posted by Barefoot Daisy

We said goodbye to my 92-year-old uncle yesterday. He'd been in relatively good shape until the last couple of years when he started slowing down. A fall that ruined his hip replacement put him in the hospital a few weeks ago, and he was moved to a nursing home/rehab facility. Two weeks ago he became ill with an infection and hospice care began. He was ready and willing to pass on — we believe to heaven — and had a very peaceful passing. He was a sweet, loving man and will be missed by all.

One of his older sisters (three kids left of eight) was deep in sleep shortly before passing, so her daughter left her bedside for a few minutes. The daughter heard Aunt L call out "The rainbow, it's so beautiful, look, the rainbow, Praise God!" The daughter ran to the room and told her mother she should see a rainbow. Aunt L said "It's not your rainbow!" ... those things help us know our loved ones are happier now.

That is great that your uncle lived that long. I lost my favorite uncle when I was only two years old.

[hunterseat]

It would be impossible for me to think of dying without remembering the promises of the Lord.
I'll be 60 this year. And I feel great. I'm loving life and am completely content. I've told my kids if something happens and I die DO NOT be sad. I'm ready whenever God calls me home. My life is in His hands. I've got people and pets that've gone before me I can hardly wait to see again.