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Old 03-03-2020, 11:48 AM
 
15,633 posts, read 26,183,088 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WoundedSpirit View Post
Why is everyone saying the OP is using "borrowed" grief? It's possible the op knew some of these people. I have often been well acquainted with family member of my friends, spent time with them at family functions over the years, and grieved when they died. Some of these people I had known for decades. Does this mean I am not allowed to feel grief just because they weren't directly connected to me?
My husband and I were traveling in Napa Valley when we heard that Sam Kinison had died. I had to pull into a parking lot because I was so upset. I didn't know him. But I loved his work.

Same for Bill Hicks.

So, I agree. I don’t think grief is grief. I think one grieves differently for a parent than a spouse, than a friend, than a pet, than a job or lifestyle. But I do think we need to acknowledge that it is grief.

Nobody misses my husband like I do — no one can. But I have to acknowledge that I can’t miss my husband the way his brothers miss him. Or the way his friends miss him. I just have to know that everybody loved him and that we’re all in pain and nobodies pain is more meaningful than anybody else’s. And I can say this as a fact because one of his friends is having a very very difficult time with it, far more than I am.
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Old 03-03-2020, 06:02 PM
 
3,034 posts, read 7,909,730 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania View Post
The older you get... If you live long enough, everyone that you've known when you were in your 60s and 70s will be dead. My husband's grandmother died when she was 99 years old.
We made a move to be near and with family and now like Geraina says on my wifes side down to one sister and on my side down to two sisters,89 and 94 after four years.
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Old 03-03-2020, 10:32 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
32,846 posts, read 36,153,303 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
On the other hand, it amazes me that so many of my mother's friends are still alive. She has several lifelong friends, all hovering around the 90 mark. She is in her own home, but many of them are in a couple of facilities nearby. She doesn't see them, but they call one another and talk now and then.

Of course, she has lost many, too, and all her siblings are gone even though she was the oldest. She still has a living uncle, though, her mother's youngest brother. He is 95. His children just recently put him into a facility because he's back to fighting the Germans.
Her uncle is living? Amazing. Some of us live longer than we want to.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wg3HXhVO3HE
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Old 03-03-2020, 11:35 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
32,846 posts, read 36,153,303 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DanBev View Post
We made a move to be near and with family and now like Geraina says on my wifes side down to one sister and on my side down to two sisters, 89 and 94 after four years.
I have one sister and one child left. My sister-in-law, my husband's sister, has stopped talking to her only nephew, my son, even though they used to be very close. I have no idea why. He felt rather hurt by that for a while.

I stopped talking to my remaining brother about seven years ago. I don't like him. He's not a nice person. Oh, he has a lot of so called friends and has always been the life of the party. He can juggle and knows a few magic tricks. Weirdo.

After my husband died, he spent half of one day helping me sort paperwork. That was it. Nothing more. He lives three hours away, but nothing?

He invited me to Thanksgiving dinner that year just before the holiday when I told him that I was sick. Thanks for nothing. My mother should have named him Richard.
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Old 03-08-2020, 12:26 PM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,293 posts, read 84,292,537 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania View Post
Her uncle is living? Amazing. Some of us live longer than we want to.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wg3HXhVO3HE
Loved the song! My great-uncle IS an old Dutchman--sort of. Born here but his grandparents came from Holland.

His wife is still living, as well. She is also 95, and her mind is sharp, but she has been in an assisted living facility for about three years because she can no longer walk. They married at 20 when they realized their first-born was on the way. 75 years later, they still spend every day together. Until recently, he went over to the facility every day to spend the day with her. Now he will be living there, too.

They were still well enough five years ago for their children to throw them a big 70th-anniversary bash, which my mother, her last living sibling, and her cousins who could do so attended.
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