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Have an honest conversation with her, letting her know how your husband feels about her frequent stays. She was married to your dad, so she should understand your need for privacy more often than not. I know it sounds cold, but she has to find something to do that is good for her. Maybe consider having her over one weekend per month. Your husband's mom understood. Your mom will also understand.
Please suggest that she join a widow/widowers grief support group lead by a professional grief counselor. She will have people who have been through the same thing that she has been through and will be able to share and lighten her grief.
My husband died over two years ago and my grief support group has become a wonderful group of friends and support for me (as well as for others). While I recently stopped attending weekly grief group I still join my new friends from group for breakfast twice a month as well as join them for other social things like seeing plays, attending local festivals and holiday parties.
Of course, everyone is different. Not everyone becomes quite as active with the group as me, but others see each other from group much more often, talk frequently on the phone, drive with each other to the senior center and doctor's appointments.
It has been less than two months since the death of her spouse. Your mom is still in very active grieving. I was married to my husband for 40 years (together almost 50). My son & BIL stayed with me for a week after his death, my sister stayed with me for six weeks, then I stayed with my son for another two weeks before I could face being by myself. So I had two full months before I was faced with living in an empty house without my husband. Everyone is different, but, IMHO, I think that you are being far too hard on her such a short time after the love of her life died. Do you think that you would be over the death of your husband, and being in an empty, lonely house by yourself that quickly? I hope that you don't have to experience that for many, many years.
Last edited by germaine2626; 03-10-2020 at 06:57 PM..
Not sure why she deleted it. This wasn't anything terribly unusual to discuss.
Sadly, her father passed away Jan. 14, and her mom has been staying with them (and their young daughter) since then because she says she doesn't want to stay alone in her house.
There have been issues with parents on both sides that are challenging to the marriage, and this situation is starting to be one of those.
Not sure why she deleted it. This wasn't anything terribly unusual to discuss.
Some people might post in a fit of emotion when not thinking clearly and then realize later they don't want such personal things on the internet (or, on this site in particular; I consider the rule here to be, "don't post anything you don't want people to tear apart, and possibly bring up on every other post you make, even months or years later."). Or, they may be afraid someone they know will read the post and realize it's them.
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