Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 03-19-2020, 11:48 AM
 
600 posts, read 608,761 times
Reputation: 975

Advertisements

Is there a senior in this forum who would be willing to correspond with me outside this forum? My closest friend died a few days ago. I have an urgent need to take action to stay safe from COVID-19 and am having trouble staying focused on my tasks. I don't have the virus but it's not that far from me and moving closer. This is a time when I need to move beyond grief quickly, and I'm having trouble with that. It feels like the anxiety of the virus crisis and my friend's death at the same time are too much. I don't want to talk about it publicly. Thank you very much.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-20-2020, 12:42 PM
 
4,030 posts, read 2,109,114 times
Reputation: 10960
Sent you a PM
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-20-2020, 02:36 PM
 
11,443 posts, read 622,211 times
Reputation: 1598
I am so sorry Last1standing........ It will be hard ... Dont worry about HOW LONG.... We all heal at different rates....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-20-2020, 06:13 PM
 
114 posts, read 56,488 times
Reputation: 315
Quote:
Originally Posted by Last1Standing View Post
Is there a senior in this forum who would be willing to correspond with me outside this forum? My closest friend died a few days ago. I have an urgent need to take action to stay safe from COVID-19 and am having trouble staying focused on my tasks. I don't have the virus but it's not that far from me and moving closer. This is a time when I need to move beyond grief quickly, and I'm having trouble with that. It feels like the anxiety of the virus crisis and my friend's death at the same time are too much. I don't want to talk about it publicly. Thank you very much.
I’m not quite a senior, but I stumbled on your post. I hope you find someone to visit with and soon. Seniors always my soft spot. Things will get better!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-20-2020, 07:16 PM
 
6,949 posts, read 4,416,117 times
Reputation: 22704
I am a senior and also sent you a message.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-20-2020, 09:30 PM
 
600 posts, read 608,761 times
Reputation: 975
Oh gosh, I had no idea I would receive so many private messages from so many lovely people. I replied to the first person who contacted me and have already been helped by her. I am moved by what people shared about their own situations. I can't reply to everyone because I'm still struggling to muster up enough energy to take care of my work and preparations for the virus. But I deeply appreciate that you reached out to me at a very hard time. It really did make a difference.


I do have a question. Did you find in your own experience with grief that you had no choice but to take swift action regardless of how you were feeling, or did you feel paralyzed? Millions of people around the world have had a life-threatening experience like war, their house burning down, a natural disaster, and so on. They may have been grief stricken, but their survival demanded immediate action. They couldn't just stand there and weep. In my case, COVID-19 is an immediate threat. I lost precious time because I felt paralyzed by my friend's death, even though I told myself I couldn't just stand there and cry. I finished my grocery shopping late, when the virus was close to my town. Now I'm worried that I may have exposed myself to the virus in the grocery store.


I'm also thinking of my friend's wife, or anyone who has lost a spouse. She doesn't have time to grieve. She has to take care of the autopsy, the will, finances, and so much more---all while living under the immediate threat of COVID-19. Divorce is similar---the emotional pain at the same time as unbearable financial and practical stresses. Other losses were very painful but simpler, the loss of pets and parents, for example---not so many layers of grief and extreme practical stresses.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-20-2020, 09:44 PM
 
6,949 posts, read 4,416,117 times
Reputation: 22704
Grief really affects everyone differently and our response varies according to what else is going on in your life. Be kind to yourself.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-20-2020, 11:18 PM
 
8,583 posts, read 15,979,764 times
Reputation: 11355
Quote:
Originally Posted by Last1Standing View Post
Did you find in your own experience with grief that you had no choice but to take swift action regardless of how you were feeling.
Most of my major losses have been when I had to power through things.

When I lost my mom I had a 1 year old, was pregnant, had a sick dad and an unsupportive husband.
No time to grieve.

5 years later I dealt with a cheating husband, a divorce, my dad's death and my grandmother's death all in a 6 month period of time.
My 5 & 7 year old boys were counting on me to be strong so I was.

Then when my second husband passed away I had a house that was in disrepair(due to his health issues)
Also was adjusting to empty nest with my boys off to college. My house went from a busy place to just me.
Even had to put my 10 year old dog to sleep. I rallied and fixed the house, sold it and moved.


Now I am living at the beach loving every lazy day. I earn this retirement in every way.
All those things made me strong as heck. Or maybe I always was...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-21-2020, 09:54 AM
 
Location: Not where I want to be
24,509 posts, read 24,138,331 times
Reputation: 24271
I was just the opposite. My mom died in '92, my dad in '04 and hubby in '12. I have no siblings so I was all alone in the world. My daughter is a hateful, spiteful witch, so I estranged myself from her and her spawn. I made myself REALLY alone but I feel so much better because of doing so.

Back to when hubby died....I fell apart, I was paralyzed in grief. Hubby had been fired by his company when his cancer came back so he had no insurance. He had $3 in his wallet. That was it. We had spent our savings trying to save his life. I kept the wolves at bay for 3 years then lost the house and had to go live with an old school mate. It's been 8 years and 2 months and I have contained my grief but life is not happy.

I don't worry about covid19. I go about daily life but I have stocked up on water, some tp and my smokes. I have not put on a mask yet. Worrying will kill ya.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2020, 06:34 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
32,846 posts, read 36,153,303 times
Reputation: 43630
Quote:
Originally Posted by Last1Standing View Post
Oh gosh, I had no idea I would receive so many private messages from so many lovely people. I replied to the first person who contacted me and have already been helped by her. I am moved by what people shared about their own situations. I can't reply to everyone because I'm still struggling to muster up enough energy to take care of my work and preparations for the virus. But I deeply appreciate that you reached out to me at a very hard time. It really did make a difference.


I do have a question. Did you find in your own experience with grief that you had no choice but to take swift action regardless of how you were feeling, or did you feel paralyzed? Millions of people around the world have had a life-threatening experience like war, their house burning down, a natural disaster, and so on. They may have been grief stricken, but their survival demanded immediate action. They couldn't just stand there and weep. In my case, COVID-19 is an immediate threat. I lost precious time because I felt paralyzed by my friend's death, even though I told myself I couldn't just stand there and cry. I finished my grocery shopping late, when the virus was close to my town. Now I'm worried that I may have exposed myself to the virus in the grocery store.


I'm also thinking of my friend's wife, or anyone who has lost a spouse. She doesn't have time to grieve. She has to take care of the autopsy, the will, finances, and so much more---all while living under the immediate threat of COVID-19. Divorce is similar---the emotional pain at the same time as unbearable financial and practical stresses. Other losses were very painful but simpler, the loss of pets and parents, for example---not so many layers of grief and extreme practical stresses.
The answer is Yes! My nephew, eldest brother, parents, and husband are dead. At least my mom had enough money in the bank to allow me to clean up her estate. My husband, on the other hand, left me with five years of unpaid taxes - how does anyone get away with that - and massive amounts of joint credit card debt. I didn't know anything about that.

We are a group of people who have experienced devastating loss, and we help each other when we can.

Welcome to the community. Sorry that you had to come here.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:56 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top