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Hello Everyone. Been posting in CD forums for years, but never this subject. My Mom passed early yesterday evening in a skilled nursing facility in my town. She had turned 93 a month ago and was the kindest, sweetest most loving people I've ever known. She had always done the right thing by people and everyone loved her. She had osteoarthritis and as she aged her lower spine slowly crumbled away. It caused a huge amount of pain and she had been on a large amount of several painkillers for years trying to control it. Between the chronic pain and the depressive effects of opiods on her appetite she slowly "failed to thrive" and lost a lot of weight since 2017. By December she had to go to the hospital in hopes of nerve blocks, but that never worked out.
I had been her caregiver for the last seven years in my home and it got to the point I couldn't care for her anymore. She went into the SNF in hopes of getting the pain better managed and PT helping her become more mobile again. That never happened either. She continued to decline and for four weeks we couldn't see her at all due to the coronavirus lockdown. When it was apparent she was in end-of-life and needed hospice care they allowed me back in to visit (April 9th). They thought she would only last two weeks but it because almost two months. She had an extremely strong will to live and fought for every day. The manager of the facility said she had never seen anyone like her in all her years of working with the elderly.
About a month ago she stopped eating completely. A week ago she stopped drinking water. She survived for seven days on nothing but her meds. Incredible. Yesterday she began to have signs time was short (changes in breathing, coloring, etc...). I stayed seven hours there and talked with her the entire time, even though she was basically unresponsive from morphine and methadone. I reminisced about all the places we had lived and family members that had gone before. I told her repeatedly how much I loved her and what a great mother she was and how grateful I was for her. She began breathing very labored and fast and in 40 minutes she got a sudden pained look on her face three times and passed. I had just told her again in her ear how much I loved and for her not to worry that I would take care of everything and be OK.
I was very close with my Mom. I'm definitely a "momma's boy" and don't mind saying it! I would care for her again in a heartbeat - she deserved every minute of my time. Now I have to go to the funeral home and make arrangements. Due to COVID-19 we won't have a funeral service (she wouldn't want one any way - always said they just made people upset and she didn't want to do that). I will drive to the town three hours from here to watch them bury her next to my Dad. I can't even get out of the car - its not allowed right now. I am very grateful the SNF allowed me to visit her for almost two months with all that's going on. It was precious time and so many families can't do that with dying loved ones due to lockdowns. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. I know many people here have similar stories of parents passing, but being able to talk about it helps. I'll never forget my sweet Mom and never stop being grateful to her. She was an amazing woman who had experienced so much between 1927 and yesterday.
Hello Everyone. Been posting in CD forums for years, but never this subject. My Mom passed early yesterday evening in a skilled nursing facility in my town. She had turned 93 a month ago and was the kindest, sweetest most loving people I've ever known. She had always done the right thing by people and everyone loved her. She had osteoarthritis and as she aged her lower spine slowly crumbled away. It caused a huge amount of pain and she had been on a large amount of several painkillers for years trying to control it. Between the chronic pain and the depressive effects of opiods on her appetite she slowly "failed to thrive" and lost a lot of weight since 2017. By December she had to go to the hospital in hopes of nerve blocks, but that never worked out.
I had been her caregiver for the last seven years in my home and it got to the point I couldn't care for her anymore. She went into the SNF in hopes of getting the pain better managed and PT helping her become more mobile again. That never happened either. She continued to decline and for four weeks we couldn't see her at all due to the coronavirus lockdown. When it was apparent she was in end-of-life and needed hospice care they allowed me back in to visit (April 9th). They thought she would only last two weeks but it because almost two months. She had an extremely strong will to live and fought for every day. The manager of the facility said she had never seen anyone like her in all her years of working with the elderly.
About a month ago she stopped eating completely. A week ago she stopped drinking water. She survived for seven days on nothing but her meds. Incredible. Yesterday she began to have signs time was short (changes in breathing, coloring, etc...). I stayed seven hours there and talked with her the entire time, even though she was basically unresponsive from morphine and methadone. I reminisced about all the places we had lived and family members that had gone before. I told her repeatedly how much I loved her and what a great mother she was and how grateful I was for her. She began breathing very labored and fast and in 40 minutes she got a sudden pained look on her face three times and passed. I had just told her again in her ear how much I loved and for her not to worry that I would take care of everything and be OK.
I was very close with my Mom. I'm definitely a "momma's boy" and don't mind saying it! I would care for her again in a heartbeat - she deserved every minute of my time. Now I have to go to the funeral home and make arrangements. Due to COVID-19 we won't have a funeral service (she wouldn't want one any way - always said they just made people upset and she didn't want to do that). I will drive to the town three hours from here to watch them bury her next to my Dad. I can't even get out of the car - its not allowed right now. I am very grateful the SNF allowed me to visit her for almost two months with all that's going on. It was precious time and so many families can't do that with dying loved ones due to lockdowns. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. I know many people here have similar stories of parents passing, but being able to talk about it helps. I'll never forget my sweet Mom and never stop being grateful to her. She was an amazing woman who had experienced so much between 1927 and yesterday.
Please accept my condolences. I lost my mother two years ago at the age of 98. She lived an enormously long life and ultimately died of respiratory failure. She received excellent hospice care though, so her passing was overall, pretty good. I understand though. No matter how long a loved one lives and no matter how poor their physical condition is we still miss them. We still mourn them.
I have a little bit of advice for you. That may ease your pain a bit. Think about all the good times you had with your mother. Review them in your head and savor the best ones. I was very fortunate. There were many. I had one very pleasant conversation with my mother just three days before she died. She even told me how much she enjoyed our talk and when I left she seemed very calm and at peace.
Next, make a resolving to live the rest of your life in a manner that would honor your mother's memory. Help others. Give charity. If she loved animals make a point of adopting an animal or donating to an animal shelter in your area. If you work, do an extra good job at work. Resolve to be the best citizen you can be in her honor. Educate yourself about candidates. Always vote in elections. Such acts would make her proud of you and leave her smiling.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's very tough to lose a loved one, particularly that you are caring for. Having said that, she lived a good long life and had great people in her life (you for example). I lost my dad at 93. I went to visit him after he had gone into a coma. He died in October 2001 and just before the coma he was blaming himself for 9/11. I remember crying like a baby sitting next to him, kissing his forehead. after a few moments I noticed his head was getting red. Turns out I got a bloody nose right then. That snapped me out of my crying.
that was 9 years ago and I still miss him to this day.
Try to reflect on the good times and be thankful for the time you had with her.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Lost my mom in july 2018, and it has just gutted me. I know how hard losing your mom is. Sending you prayers of strength and comfort.
I want to send my condolences for the loss of your mother. I am so sorry for your loss.
Bless you for being with her as long as you were.
Funerals are really for the family, I think. It is OK to let your mom go in the way she wanted. You will go over and over your mom’s last days and hours, but I hope you will find serenity in knowing you cared for her well.
So dearly sorry for this loss.
How endearing your words in expressing your bond. She deserves all those kind words and gestures.
Thank you for allowing us here to know of your life choices in caring for her.
She raised a fine person.
Peace is with her ...and that peace will come to you in due time. Til then ...follow the wave.
OP, thank you for sharing your story of your mother. She sounds like a wonderful women and definitely raised her son right. I'm sure this is a tough time for you, but know that she is at peace with no pain or suffering. In time, the grief/pain you may feel will subside and you'll have time to reminisce on all the great times/memories created with your mother.
My sincerest condolences. My mom passed 10 years ago. Never really will get over it. But the initial pain has subsided.
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