Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Right? I was supposed to go to London in August 2020 and I was going to be able to use all the air miles I had amassed on AA (through spending - not travel!) and then of course, I had to cancel and now my air miles are going to expire in March 2022 and they've cancelled the direct flight from Raleigh to London. So I haven't seen my brother since Oct 2019 and he's all the family I have left now.. All that to say, European travel is crazy expensive right now!!
Glad you're having a happier couple of days.
Thank you. I honestly like to have died - and sorry, but there was no way I was going to go first class - that was $8000. EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS.
I did find a non stop flight but I only sprang for it because it was the same price as the other flights with one or two stops.
Right? I was supposed to go to London in August 2020 and I was going to be able to use all the air miles I had amassed on AA (through spending - not travel!) and then of course, I had to cancel and now my air miles are going to expire in March 2022 and they've cancelled the direct flight from Raleigh to London. So I haven't seen my brother since Oct 2019 and he's all the family I have left now.. All that to say, European travel is crazy expensive right now!!
Glad you're having a happier couple of days.
Speaking of London, by the way - my darling granddaughter graduated in May 2020. What a terrible time to graduate! She was supposed to go to London for graduation but that got canceled of course.
I am so sorry about your brother! If my husband hadn't have died and if I hadn't had a funeral for him, I think it would have been since mid 2019 since I'd seen any of my kids. They did come home though for his funeral, in September 2020. It was a blur but the one thing I clearly remember is feeling the love from my kids as they surrounded me (along with my brother and other relatives and friends) and their friends from their childhoods also came to the house to love on me, which was very precious as well.
I really do hope you get to see your brother soon.
Speaking of London, by the way - my darling granddaughter graduated in May 2020. What a terrible time to graduate! She was supposed to go to London for graduation but that got canceled of course.
My son graduated (high school) in 2020 so they must be the same age! My daughter was supposed to do an Internship in Israel in the summer of 2020 which obviously didn't happen!
I hope I see my brother soon too. His wife died by suicide back in 2015, leaving him two young kids to raise so he's not had it easy. His daughter is extremely affected by Autism (non-verbal etc) so I have tried to be a shoulder for him as much as I can being this far away.
Anyway - he is now in a really good relationship and his son (who'll be 21 in June) started Uni this year so things are really going well for him now.
Direct flights are ALWAYS worth some more money. I did a connector to London the last time I went (2018) and I said "Never again". I'd rather drive a few hours to an airport and THEN fly direct if I had the choice.
My son graduated (high school) in 2020 so they must be the same age! My daughter was supposed to do an Internship in Israel in the summer of 2020 which obviously didn't happen!
I hope I see my brother soon too. His wife died by suicide back in 2015, leaving him two young kids to raise so he's not had it easy. His daughter is extremely affected by Autism (non-verbal etc) so I have tried to be a shoulder for him as much as I can being this far away.
Anyway - he is now in a really good relationship and his son (who'll be 21 in June) started Uni this year so things are really going well for him now.
Direct flights are ALWAYS worth some more money. I did a connector to London the last time I went (2018) and I said "Never again". I'd rather drive a few hours to an airport and THEN fly direct if I had the choice.
Amen to all of this!
I am so glad to hear that your brother seems to be recovering well from the hard blows of the past few years. My goodness - his daughter's situation sounds sad. It sounds like his current relationship should be helpful though.
I can't want to get back to London. Hope it's soon!!!!
Well, a few days ago I started doing something I think I described here, something that sounds sort of trite but I thought "Why not try it?" I was waking up just so sad every day, and feeling sad throughout the day, really missing my husband and I'm sure the holidays looming aren't helping. So rather than focusing on the negatives, I decided to try to focus on what I am thankful for. WOW. It really has made a huge difference in my mindset! It wasn't immediate but it was within a few days. I'm feeling much better now.
Grief is such a strange phenomenon. I mean, who would have expected that I'd find all those texts from all those years, between the two of us? I needed to find them though, and to read them, and to think about the type of person he was and the life we shared together. And I think I needed to be stronger to do that. It still really hit me but now, a bit over a week out, I am more glad than sad. I may never look at them again, I don't know. But it's nice to know they're there. After the shock, and the MISSING him so badly, I have been able to focus on what a blessing he was in my life, and his quirky sense of humor, and his ability to always, always make me laugh or at least smile. And he wasn't perfect, not by a long shot, but he sure was funny.
You know what I saved? All his emails, through the years. Many of them predate us getting married, or even engaged. I haven't opened that file. I know it's there - that's enough for now.
Last edited by KathrynAragon; 11-16-2021 at 11:31 AM..
OK, update. I went to grief counseling today - I'm down to about once a quarter now. Anyway, maybe because it was on my mind, but I think there's more to it than that, because my late husband (had to go back and add the word "late") is often on my mind and has been from the get go - anyway, for whatever reason, I had a very vivid dream last night about him. I couldn't see his face but I could see his hands (which of course I loved) and I could hear his voice, which I also always loved, and all he said, with a sense of urgency but calmly if that makes sense, was "Philippians 1:6." So of course I woke up at 3 am and had to look it up!
Here's the verse:
Philippians 1:6 - being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
WOW! Here's the really cool thing - just yesterday I was talking with my son and we were talking about grief, and I said to him, "You know, I feel lke I'm about 40 percent healed so to speak, but I may never be 100 percent healed, and that bothers me because I don't like feeling bad. But I'm a LOT better than I was a few weeks after he died, and now I'm realizing that grief is two fold - first there's just the plain old MISSING that person - their laugh, their hands, their presence - and then there's missing who we are WITH that person - the marriage, the camaraderie, the companionship. I've accepted that he's in my past, that he's gone from this world. But now I'm entering a new stage of grief, and that's missing being his wife, us being married."
And then that verse just came to me in that dream. And no, I wasn't reading Philippians before I went to sleep - I hate to admit it but I haven't read it in years probably. And no, I didn't have that verse memorized - ever. I didn't even go to sleep particularly thinking about my husband. I didn't even have a hard time falling to sleep now that I think of it.
Anyway, so my grief counselor knows I struggle more with anxiety than depression so she asked me to close my eyes and think about what was causing my anxiety - and then to think of when I first felt that feeling. Well, first I said "When I was about 6 when I got worried about my mom," (my mom had bipolar disorder) and she said "Can you go back any further?" and I said "Wow, yes. I am in my mother's womb and I know something isn't right, something isn't right!" And so she said, "Keep your eyes closed and can you imagine what that looks like and what color it is?" I said "It looks like a spear head and it's red, and I'm trying to get away from it." She said, "If you're still, is it better, worse, or neutral?" I said "It's worse. I can't keep still. That doesn't feel powerful. I feel like I have power if I stay away from it."
Anyway, there was a lot more but that's good for now.
Here's the deal - I don't feel like my life is tragic. I mean, I don't want to feel that way - it feels sad and defeatist and I don't like resignation and that's what it feels like to me. I am a naturally happy, energetic, upbeat person. That's just how I'm wired together and it's wearing me out trying to deal with aka FIGHT sad feelings. Besides that, it's not like I don't know there are people who have it harder than me, which makes me feel even worse - LOL. Anyway, another thing is, dadgummit, I'm so tired of being strong - I don't want to be strong, I want to be cherished and adored and stroked and I am not getting one WHIT of that from anywhere! Which makes me mad! And sad, because I just miss my husband. You know what - only two people ever in this world have ever called me "Baby Girl" and that was 1) my dad and 2) my husband. I like to have died when my husband first called me that - I hadn't even heard those words in years and I had to have been pushing 50 the first time he called me that!
Well, I know that I need to give up the fight so to speak, and just accept that God loves me and wants me to crawl up in His lap and accept his love but I am sure kicking and screaming about it. For one thing, I don't want to get messy or cry and I'm pretty sure I'm going to do both so UGH.
Anyway, I did love the dream I had last night, and the message in it, and I feel like things are going to be OK eventually - even good, even exciting and interesting, but I guess my job right now is to try to quit fighting so hard - every little thing. Life is hard and tedious though, and it seems to stretch out before me.
Last edited by KathrynAragon; 11-17-2021 at 01:29 PM..
I"m glad you had that dream. How profound...
You would be such a good mentor to someone who has gone through this recently. Maybe not right now, but in a year or so? Does such a thing exist?
I"m glad you had that dream. How profound...
You would be such a good mentor to someone who has gone through this recently. Maybe not right now, but in a year or so? Does such a thing exist?
I don't know but I have been helping my cousin, whose husband just suddenly dropped dead a few weeks ago (and she found him, already dead). She is only 47. Such a tragedy. I figure that if anyone should know how to help her, it would be me, and I need to do it - even if it's just to let her talk and let her know she's not losing her mind.
My friend's first husband died when their son was only a couple of years old. She met someone else about 10 years later and ended up marrying him and moving to the USA. Then about 5 years ago, he was diagnosed with a brain tumor and he lived for about 18 more months. It was so sad .
Anyway - she's in another relationship now and I'm spending Thanksgiving with her and her BF.
Your poor cousin. Was it a heart attack?
My friend's first husband died when their son was only a couple of years old. She met someone else about 10 years later and ended up marrying him and moving to the USA. Then about 5 years ago, he was diagnosed with a brain tumor and he lived for about 18 more months. It was so sad .
Anyway - she's in another relationship now and I'm spending Thanksgiving with her and her BF.
Your poor cousin. Was it a heart attack?
They didn't do an autopsy because there was no indication of foul play. I didn't really understand it but she said it was either an aneurysm or a heart attack - that's what they told her. I have no idea what is on his death certificate. It was sudden, though he had had some health issues. They weren't in line with this though, so it came as a shock (he was diabetic).
They didn't do an autopsy because there was no indication of foul play. I didn't really understand it but she said it was either an aneurysm or a heart attack - that's what they told her. I have no idea what is on his death certificate. It was sudden, though he had had some health issues. They weren't in line with this though, so it came as a shock (he was diabetic).
Wow - I would want more conclusive information I think.
I've been listening to this Sounds Of The Millenium radio show on BBC Radio 2. It's a 30 minute show for each year of the 2000's and I just got done listening to 2001 and when they bought up 9/11 I literally started to cry. It was the strangest feeling as I've obviously seen many a tribute to 9/11 and have even visited Ground Zero twice but something to do with the emotion of reliving this year got to me. My mum died in 2001 (in August), and then of course there was Sept 11 and my son was born Oct 25. The emotions of this radio show really bought me back to this time.
Anyway....
Do you have any fun weekend plans? I am doing a "Friendsgiving" with my group of Friends on Sunday although one of them texted yesterday and asked if we move it outside because her daughter is so scared of Covid. I'm so tired of it all - we are all double (triple) vaccinated and I don't want to sit outside in the low 60s where it's hard to hear people talk.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. 