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One of my parents just died. I was not close to them at all but I def had some sense of "life is short, what am I doing with my life" moment. I wonder if something profound will change within me the day I lose both parents. What were your experiences?
There was definitely a difference after my dad died. A new sense of mortality, and more acceptance that we all will eventually leave this earth. It made me more humble, and more at peace with this, which all living creatures will face. Nothing negative at all, and it can also help us make better use of our time while here. Who knows, maybe there were and are communications from on the other side to help us along.
Reading these posts makes me wonder what the actual percentage is of decent parent-child relationships. (25% good ones?) It's something my spouse and I have discussed since I had many step-parents and divorced parents. I am happy to be parent-free, have been eldest in my family since mid-40 age. They were not good parents. I miss my grandparents so much more, the ones that cared for us. They loved us.
I have great empathy for those dealing with the emotions of family deaths. For me it gave me relief in dealing with their life and financial problems.
Reading these posts makes me wonder what the actual percentage is of decent parent-child relationships. (25% good ones?)
If I understand correctly, you're trying to determine among us posters who have had "decent" (positive) parent-child relationships? For me, my relationship with both parents was/is awesome! One is still alive, so that's the is/present. I couldn't ask for better parents.
If I understand correctly, you're trying to determine among us posters who have had "decent" (positive) parent-child relationships? For me, my relationship with both parents was/is awesome! One is still alive, so that's the is/present. I couldn't ask for better parents.
Idk why but I just simply love reading this. (I grew up in a dysfunctional home)
I hope my children will write something as awesome about me. (Actually, I know they will).
I felt the same way as you in some respects. My father died young at 53 when I was 25. My mother died 4 years later at the same age (53). Both deaths were very unexpected. Although my parents were never demonstrative and I don't remember hugs and I love yous being said, they really weren't bad parents. I just never felt real closeness with them.
To this day, I sometimes feel guilty for not thinking about them all the time, for not posting tributes to them on Facebook (like everyone else does all the time). I even sometimes get annoyed with all the "thinking of you in heaven" and every mother's and father's day all the "I love you and miss you" posts. I really feel cold-hearted for not missing them.
So you recognize that you never fealt particularly close and then feel 'cold-hearted for not missing them?'
Am I missing something? 2 + 2 always = 4. There is no way around that.
To put it another way, if you never felt close to them when they were alive, why should you miss them after they are dead? There is nothing cold-hearted, you are simply reacting as anyone would who never felt closeness to their parents. At least I wouldn't expect it any other way.
Reading these posts makes me wonder what the actual percentage is of decent parent-child relationships. (25% good ones?) It's something my spouse and I have discussed since I had many step-parents and divorced parents. I am happy to be parent-free, have been eldest in my family since mid-40 age. They were not good parents. I miss my grandparents so much more, the ones that cared for us. They loved us.
I have great empathy for those dealing with the emotions of family deaths. For me it gave me relief in dealing with their life and financial problems.
Of course one thing that may distort the number of "good relationships" downward is the difficulties of the final illness. Many times this involves either primarily or secondarily dementia, which means that the relationship is changed and not in a good way.
One of my parents just died. I was not close to them at all but I def had some sense of "life is short, what am I doing with my life" moment. I wonder if something profound will change within me the day I lose both parents. What were your experiences?
For me, yes. My father died in 2011. After that, I started to do a lot of traveling, literally checking off my bucket list. I also started to get into drinking heavily and get too crazy in the bars and night clubs. When one morning I woke up at someone's house and not remembering how I got there, I knew it was time to get help. I got some therapy, but made it clear I did not want no medications. I am okay now, but I still deal with bouts of depression.
So many people have already said what I am thinking - that it's weird to suddenly be the matriarch, that after my parents' generation died, there wasn't a lot of getting together with extended family (though I still do see quite a bit of my kids and grandkids, thankfully), that I feel orphaned, all that stuff. It's all true for me.
When I moved into my current house with an infant and a 3 yr old I met our new neighbor, an elderly woman who was really sweet. Some of the other neighbors said she'd been slipping mentally for several years so I wasn't surprised when her daughter, also older than me, moved in to help care for her. When her mom, and 2 years later her aunt, passed away she said the same sort of thing, "Who will take care of me now? Who will I call when I don't know what to do?". It was weird at the time hearing someone I considered 'old' (probably 68-69) say that but now that I'm in my 60's and my parents are struggling I totally get it. She eventually moved away, into a Sun City development out of state to be close to where her daughter lived, and passed away several years later. I thought about her and this "circle of life" when I started looking at houses online in a 55+ community for myself! Something I'll seriously consider once my own parents are gone but for now we live close and it will stay that way.
When I moved into my current house with an infant and a 3 yr old I met our new neighbor, an elderly woman who was really sweet. Some of the other neighbors said she'd been slipping mentally for several years so I wasn't surprised when her daughter, also older than me, moved in to help care for her. When her mom, and 2 years later her aunt, passed away she said the same sort of thing, "Who will take care of me now? Who will I call when I don't know what to do?". It was weird at the time hearing someone I considered 'old' (probably 68-69) say that but now that I'm in my 60's and my parents are struggling I totally get it. She eventually moved away, into a Sun City development out of state to be close to where her daughter lived, and passed away several years later. I thought about her and this "circle of life" when I started looking at houses online in a 55+ community for myself! Something I'll seriously consider once my own parents are gone but for now we live close and it will stay that way.
I do feel sort of bereft if that makes sense. I feel like I'm totally on my own when it comes to decisions. For instance, I just bought a house - on my own. I think I did a good job of it but lordy, I hope so because I sure couldn't ask for advice from my parents or my husband.
My parents died when I was a senior in high school and I'm 50 now. I still miss them dearly. When they died I made sure to finish college as planned.
I'm an engineer now and wouldn't be where I am now if it wasn't for my amazing parents.
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