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No one is obligated to know oneself in every new situation.
Especially in the grief journey it is not for anyone else to judge the process.
I knew some widows/widowers who dated within months, I waited 2 years.
If someone would have asked me if I would probably wait 2 years, I would have said "no, I would guess I would start dating sooner."
It is something you figure out as you progress through your new, unwanted life.
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One cannot go on dates if no one asks you. (outside of online dating which is very different)
Stop with the 'judging' obsession....when one reverses oneself so radically, so dramatically, and so quickly, it can be worth commenting on.
If you think not, so be it.
You are on a grief thread for Molly, a new widow.
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Then why is Kathryn Aragon talking extensively and in detail about her dates, her dating life, who she is interested in dating, and how she considers herself a catch, and how she broke up with her kissing date and that he didn't kiss with enough emotion etc at posts #284 and #287?
Then why is Kathryn Aragon talking extensively and in detail about her dates, her dating life, who she is interested in dating, and how she considers herself a catch, and how she broke up with her kissing date and that he didn't kiss with enough emotion etc at posts #284 and #287?
I'm a bit ahead of mollybygolly in this whole journey and I feel like I can shed some light via my experiences, which I hope may help her as she navigates what seems to be a similar route.
I am honored that you are following all this so closely though.
I think she is probably a "catch" and that she may have similar experiences down the road. Who knows? If she does, she will know that she's not alone in her feelings.
If my comments bother you, please feel free to put me on ignore. PLEASE. Thanks. Meanwhile, just so you know, I'm not dating anyone. My decision. YMMV. So might mollybygolly's. But like I said, she will know she isn't a weirdo for experiencing things, though some people may judge her more harshly than others. I certainly won't.
My brother and his wife came down from Illinois for 10 days.
They have purchased a manufactured home that they will live in for the next couple of years while they build their "dream home". Permits have been applied for, land has been cleared, well and septic and electricity are in the works.
It will be a comfort to have them next door. Barring any unforeseen events, they should be moved in by Thanksgiving. They will be happy to be out of Illinois before winter.
It has been a nice "distraction" to be thinking planning their move with them, and taking care of all the "hoops" we have to jump through. I am still just as sad about losing Mike, but at least now there are periods of time when I'm focused on something other than the grief and it is a welcome respite.
I am still sad. I am still wandering around feeling "lost". It still doesn't seem real that Mike is truly gone.
I have been strong and brave. I'm moving forward because I don't really have any other options.
I still don't want any part of a future without Mike, but that's beyond my control.
You are right.
One thing that helped me is realizing that things are always changing, even when we don't know that they are. Mike's death, in my opinion, was written before the beginning of time - the method of death, the date, the time, everything. You couldn't have changed that even if you'd wanted to. That belief has helped me a lot to move forward. Hope it helps you too.
You do have other options but in my opinion they're not good ones. I mean, you could become a recluse and be reminiscent of Delta Dawn or someone like that. You could become crazy. You could become a cat lady (wait, maybe I am one of those - LOL). But what you probably need to do is just move forward like you're doing.
There is no quick fix to grief - I have found that out. Coming from someone who HATES to feel bad, that's saying something. You will just have to feel badly for awhile. It sucks. But you will be building strength via experiences. Hope that makes sense.
You can be a better person today, next month, next year. That's my goal. Not perfection, just being a better person. I don't want all this angst to be for naught! LOL
I think I am doing as well as can be expected. In the last couple of weeks, the grief has seemed to "shift". It's hard to explain. Maybe it just feels less "raw". Also, a big part is that I am not battling the initial terror I felt regarding losing the one person in my life that truly understood and accepted me unconditionally. I've discovered that I can live with having no one but myself to depend on. I don't like it, and it's not how I want to live, but I CAN do it.
Overall, I think I am better now than I was a month ago. Still a very long way from "good" or even "okay", but any improvement is a victory, no matter how small.
Thank you for asking.
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