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So sorry, Mink. My housemate went through that last year (4 deaths: relatives and childhood friends) and also went through a really terrible car accident not his fault, his girlfriend spent 3 days in ICU and 2 months recovering. Things settled down this year. I've started to think of it this way: they are happy, we are not. They are out of their suffering, we are not - as least not for a while. Breathe easy.... hugs.
I am so, so sorry to hear all this, Mink. I am wondering this - do you think that all this death surrounding people makes them more accepting of their own death? I mean, we all have that appointment coming up.
I am so, so sorry to hear all this, Mink. I am wondering this - do you think that all this death surrounding people makes them more accepting of their own death? I mean, we all have that appointment coming up.
I think it did me. As we've discussed, I have had an unending string of deaths since December of 2019, some of them very painful, especially my mother and my fiance, but also a brother-in-law (one year ago today, my sister has taken off from work because she just can't today) close friends, a cousin my own age, and other relatives and coworkers whose losses sting as well. And I know you also had a run of your own like that.
Ever since I was six and another same-age cousin died, I woke up every morning with my first thought being "will this be the day that I die"? (I was raised in a religious home and learned at that age that God could kill me anytime he felt like it, lol. I also felt responsible because my cousin was sick and I knew I wasn't always concentrating when I prayed for her. Children and religion don't always mix well.) I was in my forties before it occurred to me that it might not be the first waking thought of everyone else. It wasn't acceptance, though, it was fear and anxiety. I woke up each day in a state of terror which would dissipate as I went about the business of living.
Then 9/11 happened, the closest I've ever come to knowing I might be facing the moment of my death, but I survived. Some time after, I realized that experience had cured my fear of death.
The loss of all these loved ones has given me a further perspective beyond losing my fear of death: Looking forward to it. I don't mean that I want to die right now or that I feel suicidal. I don't. I hope I have more ahead. It's just that I know now what death will bring. The accumulated pain and sorrow of life will be over.
Yes, I remember 25 years ago I had a series of devastating losses and crises of various kinds. It was like one tidal wave after another. I remarked to someone, what's going to happen next, is God going to take my car away?" Within 2 weeks, my car was stolen. It was recovered 2-3 months later in a bad area of San Francisco with slutty clothing strewn around inside, needles and other drug parphrenalia on the floor with mold growing all around it from a window being open during the rain. Insurance was going to pay to restore it if I could get it back. I went to the auction twice to try and get it back. I learned that I was technically no longer the owner of the vehicle. There was a creep there who drove up the auction prices, he would win, and then he would walk over and say "I don't want it, you can have it." You go back, he's there, he does it again. I didn't go back after that because I knew that I was never going to get my car back. Oh, and there were several itinerant creeps sitting on the hood, and even the roof. Fun, fun times.
Moral of the story: Don't invite disaster. Over and over again, I've learned that "thoughts are things." I'm not a fanatic like some people, but I do believe that it does happen. I still have negative thoughts, everyone does, but I try to rein it in when I feel myself obsessing too much.
My boyfriend was killed in a car accident when I was 21. He went into a diabetic coma while driving on the freeway. I can't tell you how many years I feared dating someone with diabetes and who might die. These things happen, it's normal to feel that way but it's important to bring it into perspective.
My father, a retired therapist, always said "In life there are no guarantees."
I am so, so sorry to hear all this, Mink. I am wondering this - do you think that all this death surrounding people makes them more accepting of their own death? I mean, we all have that appointment coming up.
I definitely don't plan on dying anytime soon. But since my mom died, I've become more accepting of my own death, less afraid and anxious. Know what I mean?
I can see how if one is lingering certain deaths could help them let go.
In my 61 years on this earth, I have lost more than I care to share of loved ones who were the world to me... some when I was just too young.
I also lost many I knew well in 9/11, although I wasn't in the Towers that day.
It is true, the older we get the older everyone we grew up with will. And the older we get the more we will see pass on.
A few years ago, after another extremely painful loss, I decided that before I go I am going to be thankful for every day I am alive. I smile more, I enjoy more, I sleep better.
Life is a gift I will not waste. It is hard, especially seeing those who we didn't think deserve their fate pass away. One day we will pass too.
But until then I will hug the ones I still have and let them know how much I love them. I will do my best to show them what a life well lived is. And I will also keep alive the memories of those I lost.
In my 61 years on this earth, I have lost more than I care to share of loved ones who were the world to me... some when I was just too young.
I also lost many I knew well in 9/11, although I wasn't in the Towers that day.
It is true, the older we get the older everyone we grew up with will. And the older we get the more we will see pass on.
A few years ago, after another extremely painful loss, I decided that before I go I am going to be thankful for every day I am alive. I smile more, I enjoy more, I sleep better.
Life is a gift I will not waste. It is hard, especially seeing those who we didn't think deserve their fate pass away. One day we will pass too.
But until then I will hug the ones I still have and let them know how much I love them. I will do my best to show them what a life well lived is. And I will also keep alive the memories of those I lost.
Great post. I am in total agreement with your views on life. This appreciation of the gift of life is so important to me every single day.
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You might get an answer.
