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Old 07-11-2022, 07:20 PM
 
Location: interior Alaska
6,895 posts, read 5,829,033 times
Reputation: 23410

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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnywhereElse View Post
That is what I thought. My last 3 dogs lived to 14.5+ years, and that is long time to have a living being in your life. The pets really know their owners better than anyone else in the world does. Their loyalty generally surpasses that of the humans in our life, sadly.
Yep. Plus, a pet is often omnipresent in a way that most human relationships aren't. Unless I'm at work or at a place dogs aren't welcome, my dog is pretty much with me. That's seldom true of even your closest family members, other than children while they're still small. I wouldn't say I love my dogs more than people, but I'd say they're more of a constant than almost any person is. So when a dog passes away, almost every routine is disrupted, and you're constantly reminded of the loss, which keeps the wound really raw.

I think it's kind of like how breaking a finger can hurt more than breaking an arm. Obviously the arm is the more serious injury, and will generally take longer to heal, but that finger has so much feeling in it that it can be extra overwhelming.

If someone is already depressed this is a huge blow, majorly compounded if that pet played a key role in coping with depression.

You can't fix someone but you can be there for them. I think what has helped me the most after I lost someone (pet or person, actually) were friends who just spent time with my sad sack self. Like, I didn't have to put on a front, they were fine with watching a movie or getting dinner or going for a walk with me even though I was basically an animate dishrag who was bringing absolutely nothing to the conversation and was, in fact, probably dragging them down something fierce. Even stuff like sending funny texts even if I wasn't texting back right away meant a lot. Grief is very lonely and anything people can do to make it less so helps, IMO.
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Old 07-12-2022, 12:34 AM
 
749 posts, read 478,116 times
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I went to to meeting as suggested and the group told me I’m a good friend. But I told her about it and she says nothing can get her better. But I tried.
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Old 07-12-2022, 07:16 AM
 
21,716 posts, read 12,777,266 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Einhander View Post
I went to to meeting as suggested and the group told me I’m a good friend. But I told her about it and she says nothing can get her better. But I tried.
Well, it sounds like you got the affirmation and atta boy's you were seeking. Now I'd just let her grieve in her own way and on her own timeline.
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Old 07-12-2022, 07:38 AM
 
749 posts, read 478,116 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
Well, it sounds like you got the affirmation and atta boy's you were seeking. Now I'd just let her grieve in her own way and on her own timeline.

I can let her grieve in her own way but am not sure if or how often to check on her.
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Old 07-12-2022, 08:16 AM
 
698 posts, read 1,012,019 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Einhander View Post
I can let her grieve in her own way but am not sure if or how often to check on her.
My opinion….I would give her a lot of space. She obviously knows you care deeply. I would allow
her to reach out when she feels the need for support. I would get on with my own life….find something positive to do with my time outside this relationship
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Old 07-12-2022, 08:57 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
67,652 posts, read 60,572,966 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Einhander View Post
I can let her grieve in her own way but am not sure if or how often to check on her.
Don't check on her. Just be her friend. Check IN but not ON if that makes sense. If you touched base with her once a week before her pet died, do that now - AND DON'T ASK HER HOW SHE'S DOING. If she wants to share with you, she will. Meanwhile, just be a friend to her.
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Old 07-12-2022, 02:04 PM
 
Location: USA
2,861 posts, read 1,137,456 times
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OP, be gentle with your friend. The grief over losing a pet can be equal or greater than losing a friend, family members, or even a parent for some. Animals teach us to love unconditionally; people, not so much - there are plenty of sad and horrific tales of what people are capable of doing to animals or their fellow human beings.
I agree with KathynAragon - check IN, not ON. When and if she decides to adopt again, consider being her wingman and accompany her when she welcomes her new pet into her home. Hell, even consider throwing a pet shower; what fun that would be!
In this world, the more patience, love, and understanding, the better.
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Old 07-12-2022, 06:50 PM
 
2,546 posts, read 1,128,885 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Einhander View Post
That could be it that’s she’s embarrassed. She didn’t look at that dog as just a dog. I’m not aggravated over her sending me pics. I like that dog. But it’s her defeatist attitude. She did thank me for checking on her but I’m aggravated when she wasn’t positively responsive to the support group. The support group is for people like her.
Maybe she needs one on one therapy instead of a group. Maybe the veterinarian she took her dog to might know of a one on one therapist for grieving pet parents.
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Old 07-12-2022, 06:52 PM
 
21,716 posts, read 12,777,266 times
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Maybe she just doesn't "need" anything but time, the great healer. People are so impatient today!
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Old 07-12-2022, 11:42 PM
 
Location: In the Redwoods
30,286 posts, read 51,833,691 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WoundedSpirit View Post
She may be embarrassed to see a therapist or join a group because a lot of people are dismissive about our grief over losing a beloved animal. Being told that it was "just a dog" or "just a cat" is NOT helpful, it is mean.

I still grieve over many of my departed pets, it still hurts to lose them no matter how long ago it's been. I sense your aggravation over her sending you pictures and stories of her dog, but that may be how she is handling her grief. She needs someone to tell her it's okay to cry and it's okay to hurt. Nobody grieves the same way someone else does. She has to get through her grief in her own way, just like anyone else.
I get your points in general, but they said this was specifically a PET loss support group. So I highly doubt anyone there would shame her for grieving a pet, considering they’d all be there for the same reason. No?
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