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After all my years of begging for siblings, when my parents died, I was glad I was an only child. After seeing what my daughter did to her siblings when Bob died and the greed and selfishness she showed them (and me), you would have thought she was his only heir as she went after everything. Because I called her on it and caught her embezzling, she's chosen to cut me out of her life because I distrusted her. Excuse me?
I know it's painful, but she did you a favor. You know I like having money and nice things just like the average person. I am pretty much the norm in this respect. But I think when a person decides to cross that line and betray their families...well you know you 're dealing with a person who lacks the skillset to be a good human being; a loving relative or even a friend. I'm sad for you and I'm sad for me, because my brothers seem delusional, oblivious that they are even doing anything wrong. They offer their justifications for these malicious acts like some kind of manifesto (We saved our parent's place. The other one: I was the only one who did for our parents) But it rings HOLLOW, and always will to me.
After all my years of begging for siblings, when my parents died, I was glad I was an only child. After seeing what my daughter did to her siblings when Bob died and the greed and selfishness she showed them (and me), you would have thought she was his only heir as she went after everything. Because I called her on it and caught her embezzling, she's chosen to cut me out of her life because I distrusted her. Excuse me?
Ya know, Marcy, so many times I have felt the same way. After Mom died I started to feel that way a little then 12 years later after Dad died, I really felt that way. After Earl died and I came to this forum and you first started opening up to us, I really, really was glad I had no siblings. I can't imagine what that must be like to deal with although I witnessed my Mother's crap she went through with her brother after their Father died. Uncle Bill never even bothered to come up when Nana was dying or for her funeral after he got what he wanted.
I'm still so sorry your daughter did that to you all.
I know it's painful, but she did you a favor. You know I like having money and nice things just like the average person. I am pretty much the norm in this respect. But I think when a person decides to cross that line and betray their families...well you know you 're dealing with a person who lacks the skillset to be a good human being; a loving relative or even a friend. I'm sad for you and I'm sad for me, because my brothers seem delusional, oblivious that they are even doing anything wrong. They offer their justifications for these malicious acts like some kind of manifesto (We saved our parent's place. The other one: I was the only one who did for our parents) But it rings HOLLOW, and always will to me.
Sorry to hear you are finding out your brothers' true colors, laorbust. My condolences for ALL your losses.
I am in the middle of a whole lot of grieving with two relatives dying with two weeks of one another. all of the family have been great and have supported one another as much as possible. except my mother, who has taken umbrage at everything I have done or said since - everything seems to infuriate her. my own husband wants me to cut off contact with her and feels she is only bringing out what is really inside. no doubt she is a difficult person, but I have been deeply hurt and shocked at the way she has treated me and the things she has said, when with all my heart I have only tried to help and support her. not sure of the way forward - except acceptance, forgiveness, and in the future, protect myself from further attacks by keeping contact more to a minimum and stay positive. easy to get lost in all this and forget the people you are truly grieving
I have been in the same place . My husband and I did everything for his sisters and after their mother died I tried to keep the vac. & holidays going for my father in laws sake . We came to find out 2 years after his death that the 2 sisters had been changing his wife & his accounts/bonds/IRA'S .Telling their father that the money could not stay with their mothers name on it, for if he died the state would take all his money and that all 4 of his children would not get a penny .[there was no will] So then they took him to a bank , said do not ask any questions they will not have the time to look up the answers . What they did was made just the 2 of them as joint owners on everything money . So much for all those tears , guess they were tears of joy since they gave themselves over a $100,000 plus they get 25% of the remaining $100,000 . In the end we found out the truth for dear old dad must not have trusted them ,for the package of copied bonds that he changed names on also included the notes that the sisters wrote to him to put there names on everything filled with lies . In the end the money does not matter for knowing for fact we were lied to, right to our faces is priceless . Anyway 5 years later still never seen a penny , the lawyer is a joke will not even return a call/letters nothing not even to our lawyer , will be going to orphans court . Let them try to play a judge the way they think they played us . In the end know this : I can sleep at night and our children will have more respect for my husband and I for they know WE told the truth always . Never did we touch a thing in the house but boy did they, anything of value then offered us the **** . We only did take the things we would actually use unlike them who took it just to take it . You wonder what happened to the family you grew up with . I know we do . Our days now are filled with the family we made as a husband and wife , Our 3 children have added a son in law and 2 grandchildren and still is going to grow . And I learned that friends have been more of a family than his sisters ever where . So we know longer even say there names that's why we pay a lawyer , he can stress about it while we can go on with our lives and can be happy . Other wise the hate will eat you up and they don't get to rent space in my mind for free . And know this sometimes god gives us the grace to see what happens to those who hurt us . Be strong for life goes on happy or not it's up to you . Believe in yourself , love yourself and most of all heal for its time .......BLESSING ARE SENT TO ALL WHO HAVE TO FACE THIS..
How do these people just manage to take inheritances? If the property is to be split there are legalities that must be followed, there is probate, etc. If it is a house, how does one person take that? Especially if it is an aunt or someone other than the children, I don't understand how they get it in their name.
They do not tell them they are going to be joint owners they say things like oh put my name on your checking so that next time your in the hospital I can write out your bills .or maybe mom or dad has died and there own child will say to the parent that alive, the state will take all your money if you die and do not change the names on the account .
When my Mother passed in 2005, my brother showed himself for true monster he is. First she dies of partial neglect thanks to his cheap decisions to put her in a sub par facility even though he and I had money to give her better. he then created a set of circumstances and she passed extremely quickly. While I was staying with him off and on, as he would not allow me to move in even though he only lives in his house part time, I cleaned cooked and unpacked all her belongings. He actually BILLED me for expenses incurred and deducted it from my inheritance, one none of us should have had since he should have spent her money saving her life, nor did he pay me general money I spent for groceries air fares, car, hotels, etc, etc. At that point I knew something about my family was far more sinister than I ever expected. I knew they were abusive and I was a singled out target, but now it was clear. I had grown up in some sort of cult, and my mother had been part of it all along. I am now alone in the world despite a very large extended biological family, ALL of them remain in the cult with all the ugly secrets hidden. I lived a fear based life with no unconditional love, I never married or made any bonds with anyone. It was another 6 years before i woke up to the final truth of who my family was, and it almost killed me to face it. I don't feel much hope to ever find any joy in life. Now I know why my mother pulled me out of the local church choir(s, I was in 2) when she found out I was participating in a Bible studies class at age 11. Finding out members of the community knew as well all though the years and did nothing was a final blow.
I'll simply add to this old thread, since we are clearly all on the digital page so to speak.
It's been awhile since we spoke after the death of our last parent. I can't say I miss the contact, to the contrary, it's been one of life's blessings. The daily berating, nasty emails, followed up by requests for help on something or another. Between my brother and his wife, they could do advertisements for lithium drugs.
Being quite a distance away, I was not in a position to visit as much as I would have liked, but made myself travel down to see my dad on multiple occasions during his last year. It made me sad to think I couldn't visit more often, but I had child support to pay and the disadvantage of not having my name on someone else's checkbook. Having had a discussion about inheritance with my late mother a dozen years prior, I actually dreaded the moment my dad died. I would have been happier knowing he spent all of his money doing whatever would make him happy. The money was not what I dreaded having or not having.
Low and behold, one day I found out that my name had been stripped from all accounts. I was told that there were fees involved, etc.., nothing to be concerned about. When I visited, my contacts with dad were limited, and we were given the cold shoulder at every turn of our visit. The saddest day of my life came at my dad's funeral. Hardly spoken a word to, both myself and the love of my life were left sitting alone together at a table, while my brother was obviously talking to other people about us. I've never felt so out of place in my entire life.
After awhile, I began to hear stories about how I had been disinherited, and how my brother protested such treatment. We kind of chuckled about this when we heard it, since my brother would sell the food in my dad's refrigerator after he died if he could. Him and his wife soon after moved out of state, along with the proceeds from my dad's house and all of his accounts. Apparently he's not good on the guilt aspect of whatever he did, because to this day, it's a hush hush secret that they ever moved.
My dad had been going downhill for some time, we even discussed his ability to live alone, given that he had started to shown signs of senility. After living with my brother for a short time, he was soon living in a small room in an assisted living facility. Shortly thereafter, my brother had acquired two new cars and had his kitchen redone. So yeah, I sorta kinda understand that my dad had put all in trust in a serial liar, and outright thief.
But there I was, leaving my dad's funeral. No handshakes, hugs, no words at all. It's still a lengthy period of reflection for me. I have obvious feelings about having a brother who's entire life has been dedicated to his own enrichment. And I'm sure that some here have those thoughts rolling around as to what their parents or loved ones really thought about you. Naturally, it bothers me far more to think that my dad would vindictively cut me out than it does having my brother walk off with the money through some clever means at his disposal. Alas, we're left to our own thoughts as life moves on.
After my father died a few years ago I had a problem with my older sister. It involved some old books she had given to her kids. More on my part,as she was not thinking,it was not intentional. Later resolved it but the ice lasted for almost a year.
Is sad to say, but this is very normal. This is the business I work in and when we have a family that actually gets along, it is rare.
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I have been in the same place . My husband and I did everything for his sisters and after their mother died I tried to keep the vac. & holidays going for my father in laws sake . We came to find out 2 years after his death that the 2 sisters had been changing his wife & his accounts/bonds/IRA'S .Telling their father that the money could not stay with their mothers name on it, for if he died the state would take all his money and that all 4 of his children would not get a penny .[there was no will] So then they took him to a bank , said do not ask any questions they will not have the time to look up the answers . What they did was made just the 2 of them as joint owners on everything money . So much for all those tears , guess they were tears of joy since they gave themselves over a $100,000 plus they get 25% of the remaining $100,000 . In the end we found out the truth for dear old dad must not have trusted them ,for the package of copied bonds that he changed names on also included the notes that the sisters wrote to him to put there names on everything filled with lies . In the end the money does not matter for knowing for fact we were lied to, right to our faces is priceless . Anyway 5 years later still never seen a penny , the lawyer is a joke will not even return a call/letters nothing not even to our lawyer , will be going to orphans court . Let them try to play a judge the way they think they played us . In the end know this : I can sleep at night and our children will have more respect for my husband and I for they know WE told the truth always . Never did we touch a thing in the house but boy did they, anything of value then offered us the **** . We only did take the things we would actually use unlike them who took it just to take it . You wonder what happened to the family you grew up with . I know we do . Our days now are filled with the family we made as a husband and wife , Our 3 children have added a son in law and 2 grandchildren and still is going to grow . And I learned that friends have been more of a family than his sisters ever where . So we know longer even say there names that's why we pay a lawyer , he can stress about it while we can go on with our lives and can be happy . Other wise the hate will eat you up and they don't get to rent space in my mind for free . And know this sometimes god gives us the grace to see what happens to those who hurt us . Be strong for life goes on happy or not it's up to you . Believe in yourself , love yourself and most of all heal for its time .......BLESSING ARE SENT TO ALL WHO HAVE TO FACE THIS..
