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I am in that position right now. My sister and I are 16 years apart in age and very,very different in our approaches to life. She was very dependent on my parents for everything. She is one of those people that barely work, then get unemployment, then go through some govt job training and gets fired or quits. I think she is borderline mentally slow. At 53 she cannot hold a logical conversation.
Anyhow, my mom was tired of my sisters mooching ways. Mom and I talked extensively last year and I could hear the sadness in her voice. Mom said things were going to change and that my sister and her 2 teens were getting kicked out the house. Well my mom suddenly got sick in August and died in September. We just settled on an insurance policy and I have NO desire to EVER speak to, see or hear my sisters voice again. She is a leech and I have no need to have her in my life.
We have the same problem in my family with a 47 yo sis except that I don't really think she's mentally slow--just only the laziest person I think I've ever met in my life. (Never had a job that could be listed on a resume, abandoned 3 children, makes a living by moving in with boyfriends, lies about any and everything for no good reason.)
My mother has also recently passed away and she divided the estate 3 ways--between my bro, me, and lazy sociopathic sis. Fortunately she made my brother the trustee and I totally trust him to do what is right and sis will get her third, but some special wording in the trust made us all jump up and down in glee. There is a nice property in a depressed rural area that is worth much more than we would ever have been able to get for it and sis will get that. The wording made it so that we will not have to liquidate that property before handing it over to her. Since it's worth more than the other properties, she will not get much cash. Yes! And then we're done with her and may never have to see her again unless she shows up on my porch homeless again one day but I think she knows better than to do that. And the best part? Some hints have been dropped that there may be some buried treasure down there and she wants to borrow a metal detector. He he. Maybe I'll give her a shovel before we send her down there. LOL.
My father was very fiscally astute. He made a will that was very precise - IF he and mother died together, then the kids split everything 3 ways. If one or the other pre-deceased each other, the remaining spouse would get everything.
Well, Dad died first. My middle brother was all about spending the insurance money to the max; big funeral, high-dollar coffin, etc. I literally had to run him out of the funeral home - he and his 4th wife showed up stoned, and were wandering around the place embarrassing not only the family, but other people and even the funeral director with their feigned hysteria and unbalanced behavior. My oldest brother came for the funeral - but he was expecting to be handed "his share" and was furious when he found out that mother still had the purse strings. We never saw him or heard from him again.
When mother died he didn't get his inheritance (not that mother had much left - she had gone thru Dad's money and her own like a wildfire) because no one knew where he was or how to get in touch with him. I have not spoken to my oldest brother in 15 years, and my middle brother since mother died 5 years ago. I don't miss either of them - mean, nasty, greedy, grasping and self-centered souls.
Neither one knows that we sold everything and moved 1700 miles to a farm - because if they DID know, they would show up on the place and demand that I take care of them and 'share' everything we've worked to attain. Not happenin'.
Wow Granny, sorry you have 2 sibs like that. At least I have a very nice brother. Had to put up with sis all day at a garage sale today and I'm exhausted. It may be the last time I'll ever see her and I still couldn't get away from her fast enough--she's always trying to be funny but since she's not really human, her humor falls very flat. And that's when she's at her most delightful.
I was really saddened to read these stories. Our mother passed away 20 years ago and our father passed away 13 years ago and we didn't have ANY major disagreements regarding anything about their estates. My sister and I talk on the phone every week and I see my brothers often. My brothers live close to each other and see each other every week and sometimes more often. Every summer we get together several times.
We still jointly own our family farm and even that has not caused any problems. One thing that we did was form a legal corporation that specifically prohibits spouses from having any say or input. We all indicated in our wills that the farm land could only be inherited by blood (or adopted) descendants not by our spouses or children's spouses. Just to be safe each sibling's spouse needed to sign a legal document stating that they would not contest this.
Our 87 year old, child less, aunt recently had a stroke and her 16 nieces and nephews (and some of their spouses) are working together to assist her. We have already worked with our aunt in preplanning her wishes.
I am so sorry that the various families have had so many problems but I wanted everyone to know that there are still close, cooperative, functional families out there.
Last edited by germaine2626; 05-21-2012 at 09:21 AM..
One of my brothers, the oldest, has refused to talk to any of us since our Dad died. He was just furious that we could not find a way to transfer the bulk of my Dad's gun collection to him, a 4-time felon. He grabbed what else he could of the estate and stomped off. Had not been heard from by any of us since.
One of my brothers, the oldest, has refused to talk to any of us since our Dad died. He was just furious that we could not find a way to transfer the bulk of my Dad's gun collection to him, a 4-time felon. He grabbed what else he could of the estate and stomped off. Had not been heard from by any of us since.
I'm sorry that your brother isn't speaking to his family.
But, thank you for keeping a gun collection out of the hands of a four-time felon.
My brother wrote himself a $10K check plus took only the expensive items that my Dad had that could actually be called his, since his wife left everything to her kids when she died. They let him live in the house but only what was in his room was considered 'his'. My sister refuses to talk to him and didn't call him to tell him our Mother had passed away.
I will never understand why people do the things they do..
Have had some of that going on in our family after my bio mom died, which is really ridiculous because she really had nothing of value anyway and she had a very small insurance policy that that she put in the name of my sister who took care of her when she was sick. She is the one who was there, the one who bought robes and gowns and slippers and food and whatever else our mom needed, the one who paid for her cremation, so I had no problem with her having that money. No one would have even known about the policy if she hadn't mentioned it. But one sibling in particular did have a problem it, even though he was never there to help. Plus, did I mention my mom had NOTHING? He didn't talk to my sister for nine years after that. So petty.
My husband's family was nuts, the 2 siblings and parents. Each manipulated each other for cash/houses before/after the parents died. And, he didn't play the "game" so got much less. I guess that's what they mean by saying "You have to play to win."
Last edited by Nanny Goat; 06-25-2012 at 04:55 PM..
A death in the family can bring out the worst in some people; pre-existing resentments, jealousies, old wounds, old hurts, etc. (and also plain greed and the need for control) come to the fore and are magnified. Just ask any funeral director. One funeral director told me once that he has sometimes had to leave the conference room during the planning of a funeral to let the famility members continue to fight it out among themselves. Of course there are also rational, cooperative, and supportive families too. I have no idea what percentage of families are in each camp, but this thread has been a very interesting slice of life.
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Maybe I'll give her a shovel before we send her down there. LOL.
