Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Fashion and Beauty > Hair Care
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-06-2008, 11:18 AM
 
Location: Indiana
562 posts, read 2,396,225 times
Reputation: 502

Advertisements

Hello everyone. My 14 year old daughter came back from her visit with Daddy and family with the hair of her dreams- A sort of reverse mullet with extremely short back, very long front pieces, spikey bangs over her eyes, all of it jet black with thick hot pink stripes and highlights. Whew,that was hard to even describe.

Step mom took her to a beauty salon with an anime character illustration as the goal, and let the punk rock hairdresser have at it. That was in CA and we live in Indiana. My daughter still likes it, but thinks the back is too short, I get the feeling stepmom did not help moderate the style at all. My daughter obviously wants to express herself, which I let her do. However, I am very concerned that my daughter will be judged here in IN, and she has had trouble with depression that has caused her to be unable to attend school, so I will be homeschooling her this year. Please no comments on that, just the hair issue. I am very concerned other parents will now see her as trouble, and it will be hard for her to form new friendships, school and church groups, etc. She is a sweet , very respectful and creative girl.

I had told her she could get a cut and highlights in CA, but nothing too drastic.There was no communication from the other parents, there rarely is. I think it was very irresponsible for step mom - whose own look is very "wives of OC" and whose own daughters have normal hair- to go do this with my daughter. She is in her early 40's BTW, and knows better.

What does everyone else think?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-06-2008, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Here... for now
1,747 posts, read 3,002,828 times
Reputation: 1232
I think your daughter has learned a valuable lesson. Or, if she hasn't, this is a great opportunity for a "teachable moment". First and foremost, remember to remind her that hair grows back. With hair, almost nothing is permanent.

It is still summer so there is time to remedy the new hairstyle if she wants to. A good salon can make a world of difference. Perhaps daughter should chip in some to make the alterations, since she wanted the unique do in the first place.

As for step-mom, I don't really think she's a major issue. Sure, she probably could have suggested that this might not be the right do, but ultimately, your daughter made the decision and at 14, she's old enough to have say in how she wears her hair. Sure, she probably didn't look past how the do would be perceived back home but many teens don't have that sort of foresight. Go back to my "first and foremost" point: hair grows back, this change is not permanent .

Regarding how the Indiania folks treat her, I'm assuming you're talking about people who already know your daughter. If they are shallow enough to alter their treatment of her based on her hairstyle, that speaks volumes about their character. Are these folks she'll really want to form long-lasting friendships with? What if she gains or loses a significant amount of weight? What if she'd decided to express herself by getting a tattoo (which is much more permanent than a hairstyle)? What if she gets raging acne? You say she's a sweet, charming, delightful girl. Chances are, she'll continue to demonstrate those characteristics, even with her anime hair.

In any event, as I said, you still have plenty of time to make changes should you and she decide to. Talk to her. Go over the pros and cons of the current do as well as the pros and cons of changing back to what you consider a more "acceptable" style. Share with her your wisdom, based on your experiences. Then, based on your discussion, let her make the choice.

At least, that's how I'd approach it. Hair is so easy to fix.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 12:25 PM
 
8,411 posts, read 39,167,545 times
Reputation: 6366
How old is she?..Maybe that is her and she shouldnt hide it or be "fixed".

Life is rough no matter what your hair is cut like.

No way would I have done that though. And I like that hair. Sounds neat.
She'll grow out of it.
Obviously she cant get away with it in adult world.
Let her have some fun while she can.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 03:07 PM
 
Location: SoCA to NC
2,183 posts, read 7,972,472 times
Reputation: 2454
For the record I am from CA and even in CA that haircut would warrant all the things you mention. I am all for expressing ones self but it could have been done in a less permamenent manner. wash out hair color etc. When she is ready take her in and have a hair stylist that knows what they are doing remedy the cut and color so that it can grow out decently. I personally think that the step mom and father should have discussed such a drastic move with you before letting her do it to confirm that all parties were on the same page. At age 14 we are not always capable of making the correct decisions but usually it only takes one time with something as personal as hair to keep us from repeating such a decision. I think she has learned a hard lesson.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 03:16 PM
 
Location: Cosmic Consciousness
3,871 posts, read 17,050,517 times
Reputation: 2700
It's only hair -- it's summer, time for fun -- she's a child and her brain can't calculate consequences yet because that part of the brain hasn't grown in yet -- the stepmother was likely trying to give the girl a happy, merry experience.
It's not important. Your choice of feelings, your reactions, your choice of relaxation and centered peaceful joy -- those are important.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 03:40 PM
 
Location: Alabama!
6,048 posts, read 18,332,714 times
Reputation: 4835
Knowing how hairdressers are, the stylist may have done it before the stepmother could object. It's only hair...it'll grow out. And if she decides she hates the color, that can be fixed, too.
I would suggest not making too big a deal out of it. Admire it a bit and move on. That will reassure her that everything's OK.
It actually sounds kind of neat. That long-in-front and short-in-back thing is the style right now. And styles constantly change!
Bless her heart - and I mean that sincerely. I wouldn't be 14 again for all the factories in China!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 03:41 PM
 
Location: Denver
4,564 posts, read 10,925,214 times
Reputation: 3946
Quote:
Originally Posted by fabumom07 View Post
My daughter still likes it, but thinks the back is too short
If the only issue is the back is too short, then there really is no issue - it will grow. If she still likes it other than that??? Then support her in her self expression. Living life by worrying about what others think is not the way to go. There will be many battles along the way during the teen years, hair grows back. Not worth the stress.

I agree with Nelly - if people who already know what a great kid she is suddenly judge her because of her hair then they aren't really friends.

I have always tried to teach my son (14 as well) to not judge by outer appearances. Some of the sweetest, most decent kids are the ones dressed a little outrageously, have hair that is outrageous. They are just being kids and trying to express themselves in some way. I'd rather have a kid that was a little out there then one that blended in with every other.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 03:59 PM
 
Location: Hudson, OH
681 posts, read 2,349,361 times
Reputation: 1012
This sounds like a great learning experience. Give her the chance to make a decision for herself and live with the consequences. You don't like it and she will probably grow tired of it, but in the end it's just hair. Thank God it's not a tattoo.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 04:18 PM
 
Location: In a delirium
2,588 posts, read 5,418,400 times
Reputation: 1401
Yup, it's just hair. It grows out. Color can be corrected. No need to get upset when you can change it pretty quickly. The back will grow out in no time. Really, unless you lose your hair from having medical problems, it's not a big deal.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 04:34 PM
 
Location: Northeast TN
3,885 posts, read 8,101,171 times
Reputation: 3658
Quote:
Originally Posted by allforcats View Post
It's only hair -- it's summer, time for fun -- she's a child and her brain can't calculate consequences yet because that part of the brain hasn't grown in yet -- the stepmother was likely trying to give the girl a happy, merry experience.
It's not important. Your choice of feelings, your reactions, your choice of relaxation and centered peaceful joy -- those are important.
Perfectly said.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Fashion and Beauty > Hair Care

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top