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Old 09-15-2010, 06:57 PM
Location: Georgia, USA
25,337 posts, read 30,148,995 times
Reputation: 31528


Originally Posted by Briolat21 View Post
Marylee II,

He does have directives, but that hospital was unaware of them, as neither my mother nor I said anything.

No - it seemed to be a simple case of he was old and looked VERY sick and weak.

When they kept telling me "he'd get better if he wanted to, that he'd "given up"" - I kept trying to explain that 1 week prior (before the infection had gone septic and he'd so quickly gotten seriously ill) he was yelling at the Detroit Tigers and having a bowl of SF ice cream. That he and mom went shopping and erranding together, and he read the cartoons to her... Not a man who was not enjoying life, or who'd given up.

And they kept patting me on the shoulder and saying "Its hard for a daughter to let go..."...

Needless to say - a HORRIBLE experience.

That said, we've had a lot of good doctors since then, and there were good doctors before then - but that experience taught me that you can not just blindly trust the doctors - as too many of them jump to the wrong conclusion.

Here dad is - 2.5 years later. Watching the Detroit Tigers, with my mom. He is more or less bed bound (has never recovered his physical strength from the ordeal) - but still reads his Chemistry journal, and still watches sports and follows interesting history and gardening specials. And he stil likes SF ice cream!!

Sorry to rant - I know Doctors work hard and most are great. But if you think your loved one is being treated poorly, (or being poorly treated) - don't just dismiss it. Get involved!!!

This has been a good thread - its a serious discussion to have, and I know my experience with my parents has certainly affected how I'll manage my medical affairs when I'm older, and what kind of directives I'll have.

Bri ~

Don't wait until you are "older" --- do it now!
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Old 09-15-2010, 07:42 PM
Location: Bergen County, NJ
1,603 posts, read 3,742,686 times
Reputation: 1838
Originally Posted by glastron_79 View Post

Those in advanced/final stages of illness most likely have no desire for food or drink either. When the body starts preparing for death, the hunger and thirst needs shut off.

This was "my" experience with two loved ones in hospice.
So true, they could have given her a g-tube to feed her, but she probably had a DNR, and really, when you're in the last stages, liquids and nourishment really is not desired at all. The body starts to shut down. Hospice is there to make the quality of life more comfortable so there is no pain ...

I would recommend Hospice to anyone who is in their last stage of life. It's comforting to know there is someone there with you, by your side, putting the last glimpse of light into your soul before you pass-on.

As difficult as it is, there comes a time when you have to tell someone, "It's ok to let go and move on". All the suffering, pain, and emotional stress will go away, and eternal peace will prevail.
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Old 09-15-2010, 08:27 PM
Location: Silver Spring,Maryland
884 posts, read 2,409,653 times
Reputation: 631
My father died 4/1/2003. He had a 1 year battle with Leukemia and towards the end me stopped eating, talking, got weak, slept alot and had nosebleeds. He knew he was going as most do. The dying know that they are leaving us (those w longtime illnesses). Right before the start of 2003 my dad told my mom he had a dream that he was going to die soon. Within weeks he was told his cancer was terminal.

We got hospice once the hospital decided that chemo was no longer working. To some extent I think his being 78 and on medicare affected that decision. I also know that my father was not the type to want needles and nurses prodding on him. As our loved ones age they know when they want to go and if they want to continue on with a illness or pain.

Hospice was a pleasant experience. The nurse was nice, and she helped me with the grieving I experienced before he died. The day he passed, it was like he waited for me. I had just got to the hospital and it was 3:20. The aide had shaved his face and given him a bath. There was this still peace in the room and soft music played. I cried in the bathroom for a bit, then came out and the hospice nurse told me it was time. He has the death rattle in his breathing, I held his hand and he took his last breaths. At 3:25 he was gone.

I left to go tell my mom and his spirt went to the elevator with me. After that I felt an amazing level of relief and almost joy that he was no longer suffering.
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Old 09-15-2010, 08:36 PM
Location: Mostly in my head
19,865 posts, read 57,982,807 times
Reputation: 19187
Originally Posted by suzy_q2010 View Post
Bri ~

Don't wait until you are "older" --- do it now!
You could be in a bad accident tomorrow, hope not, but don't wait. You can always revise Advanced Directives.
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Old 09-17-2010, 06:15 AM
3,763 posts, read 10,989,992 times
Reputation: 6760
I know.. I know....

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