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If you're a former drug addict, you will be medically rejected as a donor anyway.
"If you have high blood pressure, diabetes, kidney problems or AIDS, or if you are (or have been) an alcoholic and/or drug addict, you'll probably be ineligible.
Seriously, is she actually dying? People live for MANY yrs. on dialysis. (It's a fact that there just aren't enough donors for the need). Don't beat yourself up.
Honestly, she could just get a cadaveric transplant with similar results. She doesn't need a living related donor. And it seems like she won't even qualify. Don't even worry about it! Dialysis is probably in her future.
thanks everyone. She is on dialysis 3 times a week for over 4 years I think it may be 5. She got herself after 4 years taken off the list due to her weight. She is holding so much water too but she admitted to me she also gained alot of weight so she is NOT on any list right now, and does not qualify unless she loses weight alot.
Dying, well she is getting worse every year. Can she stay on this for another 10 years, I dont know. She has alot of problems. She is blind too from diabetes. She went blind first then did nothing and then went on 4 years later to wreck her kidneys all with food!!! Its pretty out of control.
I wouldn't worry anymore. You're ineligible and, if she's been on dialysis for three years and is still grossly overweight, it sounds like she's ineligible for surgery too. The renal diet is a very demanding one. She needs to strictly control her potassium and phosphorus. Dialysis robs the body of protein. It sounds like hers is out of whack, that a major operation would be risky anyway. There is no burden on you to fix that.
I know part of your guilt is worry, despite your not being close. Let her medical problems remain between her and her doctors. But allow yourself to worry--you're family, after all. If I can offer one possible avenue to understanding: As I said, the renal diet is very controlled and requires a lot more protein. Maybe she talks about food because she recognizes how central food is as a concern for dialysis patients? Maybe some of her excess weight is edema (water swelling) because her kidneys aren't eliminating fluid? And the edema limits her ability to work off the weight?
Catastrophic medical issues make lives really complex. Yes, she can be blamed for not improving hers, but you might grant that her condition contributes greatly to her dysfunction too. From a distance you may find some understanding, even a kind of "closeness". I'm not saying she's blameless or even all that worthy of compassion. For all I know, she totally isn't and her husband and child are proof of it. I'm just saying emotional self-removal, if not hostility, can be just as corrosive as co-dependence. It's possible to worry and care without being drawn into turmoil.
As for you, don't be afraid of tests or what you might discover. If there's something to address you'll have to address it eventually. Better sooner than later; your sister's case is an example. Ease into your own comfort, though. Maybe resolve to do one thing this year when you're ready: Get a checkup. Work up to it by developing three good new habits, so you have something to tell the doctor that you're actively doing, rather than the exam being a one-sided assessment. I'd say in 6 months schedule a visit.
I had this typed out last night; totally forgot to post it. lol
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevemorse
I see so many family member run and say, OOOHHH I will do it and wonder why I CANT and I hate myself for it but I just cant.
If other family members are saying they'd do it then why don't they get tested?
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevemorse
its been a tough day because my Dad puts me sometimes on the guilt trip alittle. He does not mean too but I cant help but feel guilty.
Why doesn't your dad donate?
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevemorse
she has only one kid who is about 16 . THis kid is an eating machine too. A girl who weights 275 lbs. Sad.
I asked because I wondered what age they have to be to be able to donate their kidney to a parent. I wonder if a 16 year old could?
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevemorse
ITs about my fears and how I just cant go thru with all these tests. I dont want to know my problems and with all those donor tests and MY past, they will find something. This is my biggest fear plus all the down time.
I know she does not care but I do care and really dont want to slam her too bad. Its sad, she is dying and IN ONE SENSE I am no BETTER THAN HER, I am addicted to smoking, nicotine. I need help too!!! I dont want to slam her addiction too bad because I have my own.
The difference is I am seen as the heathy one, little do they know. Mentally I am a mess, and physically could have lung cancer. This is why I dont want any tests.
Back when my dad was fighting cancer; he needed a stem cell transplant. They did not want me because of medications I'm on. The youngest said no; oldest would only if no one else could. I was tested; my sugar was high; there was also something with my liver; they told me no.
The difference between you & her is that while you do smoke; you still take care of your body & you have every right to not want your "donation" ruined by her addictions.
Can you speak to your own doctor? Maybe your doctor can give you something saying that you're not qualified to donate.
Could she maybe get stomach banding to help her lose weight? I have a friend on dialaysis and she was unable to lose weight while on it and had to go on another type of dialaysis. She too can't get on any list because of her weight and she is not even that heavy! She is an RN and knows a lot about nutirition etc... she tells me it's been very hard for her to lose weight and her kidneys weigh about 50 pounds because of the tumors. She has PCKD.
I wouldn't worry anymore. You're ineligible and, if she's been on dialysis for three years and is still grossly overweight, it sounds like she's ineligible for surgery too. The renal diet is a very demanding one. She needs to strictly control her potassium and phosphorus. Dialysis robs the body of protein. It sounds like hers is out of whack, that a major operation would be risky anyway. There is no burden on you to fix that.
I know part of your guilt is worry, despite your not being close. Let her medical problems remain between her and her doctors. But allow yourself to worry--you're family, after all. If I can offer one possible avenue to understanding: As I said, the renal diet is very controlled and requires a lot more protein. Maybe she talks about food because she recognizes how central food is as a concern for dialysis patients? Maybe some of her excess weight is edema (water swelling) because her kidneys aren't eliminating fluid? And the edema limits her ability to work off the weight?
Catastrophic medical issues make lives really complex. Yes, she can be blamed for not improving hers, but you might grant that her condition contributes greatly to her dysfunction too. From a distance you may find some understanding, even a kind of "closeness". I'm not saying she's blameless or even all that worthy of compassion. For all I know, she totally isn't and her husband and child are proof of it. I'm just saying emotional self-removal, if not hostility, can be just as corrosive as co-dependence. It's possible to worry and care without being drawn into turmoil.
As for you, don't be afraid of tests or what you might discover. If there's something to address you'll have to address it eventually. Better sooner than later; your sister's case is an example. Ease into your own comfort, though. Maybe resolve to do one thing this year when you're ready: Get a checkup. Work up to it by developing three good new habits, so you have something to tell the doctor that you're actively doing, rather than the exam being a one-sided assessment. I'd say in 6 months schedule a visit.
wow, what a great post. I particularly found something very very observant and very much me in your post. Its called Emotional self removal. This really got me thinking and this is just what I do!! thanks for a good post.
to all I spoke with her today and told her that I would not qualify anyway because the truth is I smoke crack every weekend for 10 years and they wont take addicts. So this is now hopefully over and there is nothing really that I can do, its out of my control. As far as her kid, I did bring that up she is not a match in blood type. My dad is way too old he is 80.
As far as stomach banding, they all could use it, but no they wont do that. Look I cant even bring up that their kid is 275 at 15 years old!! They are in total denial about their weight and their kid. They just dont want to talk about it, get mad and angry when even the slightest bit of this weight issue comes up.
I need to remove myself from her, yes I do need to do this emotional removal for awhile.
As far as me healthy YES I am , I am a huge exerciser ! 6 days a week, cardio and bodybuilding! I have been really over the top with it, and my diet is so clean and perfect. I cook all the time, eat no processed junk. IF I could quit smoking cigarettes I could be the next MOTHER THERESA!! This is my one fatal flaw. I will really try to work on it.
To cupcake and Roselyn thanks , thanks all of you. I am sure this issue is not over yet. For now I am clear of it, and for now I feel fine. Thanks again and you will see me soon.
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