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Old 10-09-2011, 08:07 PM
 
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I don't know all the details, but a good friend just told me that he is getting pressure from his family to give the old man a kidney, because the dad's kidneys are failing.

He is the only one in the family with metabolism in good enough shape who shares the same rare blood type as his dad.

The dad is in his late 70's. My friend is in his early 50's.

Should he do it?
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Old 10-09-2011, 08:15 PM
 
Location: SWUS
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Umm... things tend to fail at that age. I dunno if I'd do it, considering that statistically, Papa is likely to kick the bucket in the next few years anyways, whereas removing a kidney from someone healthy may have far more impact.

Interesting question... I'd do it, but then I'm only 21 and my dad's 41...
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Old 10-09-2011, 08:47 PM
 
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your friend should find out if his kidneys are healthy enough to donate. many people have a degree of kidney disease and don't even know it.
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Old 10-09-2011, 08:48 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
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I think it depends entirely on how your friend feels about it. I'd have happily given a kidney to my dad at that age, because he gave everything that he possibly could to me and the rest of his family. My wife probably wouldn't have given 2 cents to her dad, as he abused her as a child and treated her like crap his whole life.
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Old 10-09-2011, 10:17 PM
 
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My dad is in his late 60's and I'm in my early 30's. He does have kidney problems, and I'd do it in a minute. I have a great relationship with my dad, and I could not live with myself if I didn't do everything in my power to help him. What a gift that I could give him after all he's given me!
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Old 10-09-2011, 10:27 PM
 
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I can't imagine ANY father asking his son to risk his life just to prolong his own. And there is a risk for the donor.
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Old 10-10-2011, 11:24 AM
 
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More details: The dad, like a lot of members of the family, had an alcohol problem. My friend, not. I gather the dad was not easy to live with during my friend's childhood.

My friend is getting pressure not from the dad, but from my friend's siblings, including a sister, who lives thousands of miles away, whereas my friend lives close to the dad and has dealt with his health issues for years.

I told him -- don't do it, and don't feel guilty.

For one thing, my friend has teenage kids that depend on him. He has suffered for years with a bad marriage, he should not be risking his health right now.

I don't know anything about organ donation, but I can't imagine it leaves the donor with NO after-effects. Again, the blood type is rare, the likelihood of finding a match within reasonable time is slim.

This is one of those ethical dilemmas with no right answer, IMO. Do you agree?
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Old 10-10-2011, 12:15 PM
 
Location: Gettysburg, PA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by birdinmigration View Post
I don't know all the details, but a good friend just told me that he is getting pressure from his family to give the old man a kidney, because the dad's kidneys are failing.

He is the only one in the family with metabolism in good enough shape who shares the same rare blood type as his dad.

The dad is in his late 70's. My friend is in his early 50's.

Should he do it?
Well my dad's in a similar position, and I will say that if I could give him a kidney, then I would without a second thought do it. I have been told you can get along fine with just one kidney (and I know of no physiological reason why you would not be able to).

Yet I see you listed the ages and I will reveal my situation: I'm 30 and my dad's in his early 60's--besides the kidney problem he is in remarkable good health [even with the kidney problem--had acute renal failure (kidneys down to 5% working ability) four years ago, doctors told him he would be on dialysis within 6 months. Still no dialysis, is feeling wonderful, goes out golfing whenever he can. Unfortunately, he has an abdominal aortic aneurysm which they must operate on in a few days. The contrast dye needed to perform the operation will most likely cost him his kidneys. Gosh, if there were only a way I can give him one. I hate to see him so full of life, only to most likely have good reason to be down and out about this].

Should he do it is no one's question to answer but his own. I would not look down on anyone for not giving a kidney to someone--there are definitely risks associated with any operation, and each person has their own advantages and disadvantages to weigh in any situation.

[Some people might put out the argument that since it's family, you are obligated to do something like this. However, I disagree with that. For whatever reason, relationships between family members may not be as warm and genuine as I imagine most people would like those relationships to be; it is unfortunate that some people come from households where the mutual feelings were not love and caring. I happen to be fortunate enough to have had very responsible and caring adults for parents, yet I realize that unfortunately this is not the case with everyone.]

Quote:
Originally Posted by birdinmigration View Post
I don't know anything about organ donation, but I can't imagine it leaves the donor with NO after-effects.
My sister, who is a doctor, and other kidney doctors have told me that as long as your kidneys are in good health, you can get along fine without one of them. I imagine much of the risk is involved in the operation.

Last edited by Basiliximab; 10-10-2011 at 12:26 PM..
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Old 10-10-2011, 12:25 PM
 
Location: Mostly in my head
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OP, is the father sober now? Has he been sober for years? The risk to the son is that if he develops Type II diabetes, he can have kidney damage in his one remaining kidney. Not to mention a host of other problems that could lead to him being on dialysis. IMO, a person in their late 70s should not get a kidney unless a cadaver one becomes available. (I am 69.5 y/o and this is still my opinion)
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Old 10-10-2011, 02:36 PM
 
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Good questions SouthernBelleInUtah......I think it`s a REAL shame that the family is pressuring this man...it`s really HIS decision....though it sounds like his choice is to lose the family unity he has..or donate the kidney and keep it....all very unfair....I`d hate to be in his shoes, and I doubt that I`d ever ask it from one of my children....that said....... I tend to agree with the SouthernBelleInUtah on this one.
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