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I don't think it medical it's probably mental, as in thinking about it too much and not relaxing enough. Get yourself a vibe and some lube, wait until your home alone and practice finding your spot, the good one, is usually on the outside.
Oral sex begun by your lover lightly touching every part of your body. Butterfly touching. Occasionally, including your clitoris, but, unpredictably. Slow, but, not draggingly slow. Then full-fledged clitoral oral stimulation, slow, but, steady and reaching into the g-spot to push up toward the outside... changing, and when she says don't stop, then, don't stop and don't speed up. In a lover's words: I won't stop if it takes my last breath. To add a secret never ever mentioned in books... do not empty your bladder before sex. I was 42 before making this monumental discovery. After all this, your partner can have his turn.
I'm in the same boat here, haven't had a natural O since over twenty years ago, this was still before I went on meds that lower your sex drive. At Good Vibrations, a company in California, I bought a little vibrating dolphin that came with a silicone ring that your partner would wear around his-you-know-what and that was the only way I could reach an O with a partner since it seemed to hit just the right spot.
You need to know your own body and have one alone...before you will be able to enjoy it with sex. It is more of a mind issue...you need to be able to relax and let go.
Yikes poor kid. I'm unclear though--can you have one with yourself?
Quote:
Originally Posted by lubby
Yes you can, clitoral stimulation by yourself using a vibrator or your fingers works for me. I cannot orgasam during intercourse either, I can have an orgasam if I pleasure myself or if my husband performs oral sex down there that's it. Maybe instead of focusing on getting an orgasam you should just dim the lights, light some candles, maybe give each other a body massage with those scented oils they sell in those adult shops, kissing each body part and teasing one another before you get down to it. Take it slow, relax, enjoy yourself, let everything in your life that may be stressing you fly out of the window.
LOL. I think stepka was asking the question of the OP.
Empty bladder, full bladder, makes no difference to me. Sex is definitely a quality of life issue. I have so many married friends not getting it and it's sad. I think they may be in the same boat and simply don't enjoy it. I think for a couple of them it's because they somehow lost that emotional connection with their spouse. One said her husband was very conventional and boring. She said she could go the rest of her life without it. A horrifying concept for me. I feel sorry for you not being able to have the big O. Once a week is basic maintenance and three or four times a week is optimal. I've never not been able to have one. I think it has a lot to do with what your body gets used to.
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I thought stepka was asking how to have one with yourself. My bad
