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Old 12-17-2007, 09:51 PM
 
Location: right outside your window
605 posts, read 692,567 times
Reputation: 64

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I cannot stop thinking about where I'm going to live. Living with mom and bro now at 37 years old. Talked to a friend today who told me to make a pros and cons list for both So Caland Nor Cal. I don't know if it's some fantasy illusion that I want to live up north to be away from my family, or I miss the good times I had up there. Got accepted to both schools here and there, lumps in my throat, from emotions, anxiety, crying off and on because I can't seem to "land" and move forward with my life. Lately all I do is uneccessary errands, eat, smoke, and rest. Then I get my own father saying things like, "most women at 37 have either found their place in a career, or have a family, and honey, you're none of that"--not sure what to think about that comment. Too much to go into detail about where MY life has taken me, and what I have been affected by, but what is it going to take for me to get of the wall, dive into life somewhere?
Has anyone ever had trouble deciding this hard on where to live? I cannot afford a house, but a small apartment, yes.
Something is missing because physically I don't feel well, which, I assume, stems from my emotions about a culture shock after living up north and then not only moving back to So Cal, but my mother's house!!! I hate to say it, but it really is f*ck3d up! I am too smart and too much of a strong woman to feel the way I do, and if I'm this miserable at times---not all the time--then something is wrong--I just don't know what it is. I don't know what else to say. I am supposed to start school again after a year and if I drop out this time--like my dad said, "you won't make it"---make it at WHAT? I might as well go work at McDonalds. I have tried so hard to finish and I have dropped out the last 4 times I tried. I'm so sick and tired of running, ruinning, people pleasing, and getting sick. I don't even know where to start to help myself!!!!!!

Last edited by WannaBNorCal; 12-17-2007 at 09:53 PM.. Reason: added
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Old 12-18-2007, 05:08 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
8,567 posts, read 15,049,155 times
Reputation: 1573
Besides living at home and your education, what do YOU want?
I mean, every time I'm 'depressed' I know that I'm either avoiding something, or need a time-out to make a well-informed decision about something.

What I'm sensing is that your self-esteem is mostly dependant on how the people you care about think of you.
Is your self-esteem really build upon the opinions of others?
Or is it just important to you what other people think of you?
I dunno if I'm right about all this, but most people don't have an anxiety for nothing.
If ya know what I mean.
I guess your body is trying to tell you something and it is my experience that you'd do well to listen to your body.

Anyhoo, happy holidays everyone, since I’ll be taking a little break from CD myself and won’t be back unless it is 2008.
(but if you want to talk about how I handle my 'depressions' you can reach me through dm).
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Old 12-18-2007, 09:22 AM
tao
 
Location: Colorado
721 posts, read 3,004,977 times
Reputation: 933
Maybe take a clue from your username? It sounds like you want to move back north.
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Old 12-18-2007, 01:10 PM
 
15,246 posts, read 17,441,186 times
Reputation: 25475
What is keeping you from living where you want to live?
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Old 12-18-2007, 02:52 PM
 
1,727 posts, read 1,532,456 times
Reputation: 388
Hi,

I have a few thoughts. First of all, sure, at 37, a lot of people are married and established. But a lot are also getting divorced and otherwise in some form of mid-life crisis. So don't worry about age.

If you really just need to pick a place, I would create a simple decision matrix. First, list the criteria of the place you are picking (jobs, educational opportunities, proximity to family, weather, etc.) and rate each city on a scale of 1-10. If something is particularly important you can weigh it as 20 or 30, etc. Then see where the numbers come out.

But it does sound like you have some other issues to sort out - sometimes, you can land at your new place and find yourself dealing with the same issues. So think about that as well.

I just think that *ultimately* you just needs to pick a place, pick a profession, and go with it. If I had too much time to pick the ultimate place, or ultimate 'thing' I should be doing, I could get stuck there forever. Usually if you're given a specific job to do, chances are, you will enjoy it. But given the world of possibilities, particularly in the abstract, how would anyone ever choose?
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Old 12-19-2007, 06:32 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
39,188 posts, read 48,160,480 times
Reputation: 66704
I doesn't matter where you live. That's not what's eating you.
Make a list. When you write something down you give yourself permission to quit carrying it around in your head. For starters, write down 3 things you need, like get an apt, get a job, do one thing which gives you joy. It would help if you would pick a small goal and accomplish it. Baby steps. If you feel unfocused and out of control, it helps to keep each decision small and manageable. Separate yourself from anyone who is not aiding you in your goals.
Just stop spinning your wheels and take a baby step today. Working at McDonalds would be better than doing nothing.
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Old 12-19-2007, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Wherabouts Unknown!
7,771 posts, read 17,232,768 times
Reputation: 9352
Default On a lighter note!

gentlearts wrote:
Working at McDonalds would be better than doing nothing.
I know you are wanting to make a point, and I agree that doing almost anything is better than doing nothing....BUT...working at McDonalds is really stretching it.

blessings....Franco
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Old 12-19-2007, 09:33 AM
 
Location: Branson, Missouri
7,295 posts, read 17,574,917 times
Reputation: 3839
Narrow it down to where you think you might want to live and ask questions on CD.
That's one of the ways we found our house in NM was asking the NM forum.
Sounds like you may want to be in NC. Start with that. NC is beautiful.
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Old 12-19-2007, 09:44 AM
 
Location: Wherabouts Unknown!
7,771 posts, read 17,232,768 times
Reputation: 9352
Follow the sound advice of songinthewind to build your list of potential places to live. Then, visit each of those places, spend some time in each one, feel out vibe, and get some up-close-and-personal experience in each one. Pick the one that you most resonate with.

Being physically present in a place will be far more helpful than making lists, checking them twice, and merely discussing and imaginaing what the place is like. Those things are just the preliminary stage of making a move, and it's sounds like you're bogged down in the preliminaries. IMO, travelling will be good for you. It'll get you out of your head and into the thrill of doing something exciting. You will probably discover that the reality of each place you visit is dramatically different than what you imagined it to be....and there is likely to be some pleasant surprises for you.

blessings...Franco
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Old 12-19-2007, 09:55 AM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,495 posts, read 24,257,546 times
Reputation: 8847
Quote:
Originally Posted by WannaBNorCal View Post
I cannot stop thinking about where I'm going to live. Living with mom and bro now at 37 years old. Talked to a friend today who told me to make a pros and cons list for both So Caland Nor Cal. I don't know if it's some fantasy illusion that I want to live up north to be away from my family, or I miss the good times I had up there. Got accepted to both schools here and there, lumps in my throat, from emotions, anxiety, crying off and on because I can't seem to "land" and move forward with my life. Lately all I do is uneccessary errands, eat, smoke, and rest. Then I get my own father saying things like, "most women at 37 have either found their place in a career, or have a family, and honey, you're none of that"--not sure what to think about that comment. Too much to go into detail about where MY life has taken me, and what I have been affected by, but what is it going to take for me to get of the wall, dive into life somewhere?
Has anyone ever had trouble deciding this hard on where to live? I cannot afford a house, but a small apartment, yes.
Something is missing because physically I don't feel well, which, I assume, stems from my emotions about a culture shock after living up north and then not only moving back to So Cal, but my mother's house!!! I hate to say it, but it really is f*ck3d up! I am too smart and too much of a strong woman to feel the way I do, and if I'm this miserable at times---not all the time--then something is wrong--I just don't know what it is. I don't know what else to say. I am supposed to start school again after a year and if I drop out this time--like my dad said, "you won't make it"---make it at WHAT? I might as well go work at McDonalds. I have tried so hard to finish and I have dropped out the last 4 times I tried. I'm so sick and tired of running, ruinning, people pleasing, and getting sick. I don't even know where to start to help myself!!!!!!
Just my 2 cents, but- try something you really always wanted to do....DONT ask someone else for what they would do- if you are people pleasing/family whatever- its time to get out. I saved my life by escaping toxic relatives in NY and it was the best decision I ever made.

Now, on to the bad ones (lol) . Seriously at your age, start to listen to what YOU want- not everyone else. Your Dad is not helping your self-esteem any with that comment- I have been thru that as well.

Just my 2 cents- but I know how you feel! also I identify w/your nickname-lol
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