Request from a health care worker (pain, blood pressure, doctor, heart)
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I have worked in health care for over 30 yrs all of it in hospitals and much of it in ICU and emergency rooms so I have a request next time you have your family around carve out some time and talk about end of life issues and find out what everyones wishes are. Do not wait until you are old as you might never become old as life can and does change in the blink of an eye and one day we all loose even what we hold most precious. And do not wait until that moment you need to make the decision as that moment is too charged with emotions. Do it now!
I am lucky as I knew this and when we had a large family gathering I brought it up .At the time some of my family got mad but I told them this is a very important discussion and some day they may be thankful we all had it together. When illness took my parents we all knew what they wanted and yes it made any decisions easier as it was their life not ours and we owed it to them to do what they had wanted us too. We had to put aside our selfish wishes of not wanting to say good bye and put their best interest and their wishes ahead of ours and it takes real love to do that. I had promised my mom who had lung cancer that she would not end up in a hospital and I did keep that promise and she died what I think was a beautiful death at home wih most of the family and her beloved pets around her. She just peacfeully left us left one evening and yes it hurts and I miss her but I shall be so lucky to die in such a peaceful way. God forbid I die in a hospital around strangers after being poked and proded right up until my last breath. I do thank Hospice for making it possible to die without being in pain and without strugging. Hospice was a true life saver as lung cancer can be an ugly death but they prevented that those last few weeks. My mom was never in pain or gasping for breath like I see at work sometimes as we wait for a doctor or family to make decisions even about what meds to give.
When My dad ended up in the hospital from a sudden illness which turned out to be a crisis he would not survive and he was asking for water the young doctors and the nurses said no you will aspirate it and end up with aspiration pneumonia. My dad got very angry until a doctor walked in and told the nurse if he wants water let him have it as she knew he was not going to survive long enough for aspiration pneumonia to be an issue as he was dieing. My brother was there at the time. My dad did die a few hours later an hour after I arrived. I think he waited for me and knowing I was there he was able to let go. Wish I had been there when the doctor said he could have water as I would have thanked her the point being he was dieing so what if he inhaled some water? He was dieing and the water made him more comfortable and no he did not even choke on it.
I often am in a room with patients on life support and hear the family discussions about stopping it , some feel they are letting the person down or the person will be mad. If you have had the discussion and your family member has said please let me go if my life will have no quality to it or if I will spend what days I have left in a hospital or subacute unit attacted to a ventilator battling for each moment before I die, knowing that is what they want will take that guilt feeling that many seem to have making that decision away . Instead you are honoring their wishes. And no you are not playing God. I think people that feel that way need to see putting someone ON life support may be viewed as playing God too. Death is a part of life just as birth is, it is not a part we like but it can be beautiful when you allow it to be the peacfeul end of pain and suffering.
It breaks my heart when I see what some families expect their dieing relatives to endure as too often we are not prolonging life we are prolonging death. So go have that conversation you may have not thought of having or you have put off because it makes you uncomfortable.Everytime I go to work I am reminded how life can /does change in the blink of an eye . You think it will never happen to you but it will. It happens to everyone. Talk to your loved ones the worst is they might get mad but when that day comes you will be glad you had that conversation while everyone was healthy and the thought of death was not hanginging in the air..In the long run it can bring you some peace on lifes most difficult day.
Thank you . As a health care worker I think it is very stressing to see families and loved ones in this position not knowing what to do or what the patient would want done. Also equally stressful is looking into the eyes of a patient that did not want to be on life support like a terminal cancer patient and yet wakes up and finds themself on it .Knowing they are going to die so all we are doing is prolonging it yet the family insists we do everything. The look in their eyes says it all " why are you doing this to me?" as I am sure it often feels like torture to them.
When my dad was taken to the hospital and they made his diagnosis my brother called me asking what should we do?... I said nothing. I reminded him dad did not want heroics done, and the fact that my dad would not take any medicines and his condition whould have meant chemo and he would have died despite it. My dad was angry with my mom for doing chemo so there was no way he could have ever been talked into it and as I said it would not have saved him.Being reminded of my dad's wishes made his death easier for my brother. And I do believe many people would deal with that moment better if they knew how the person felt about it.
My heart goes out to all the families I have watched over the past 33 yrs go through this struggle as well as the patients I have had to take care of in this situation. I can still see so many of their faces.
^^^Good post. Those are the reasons we had our attorney make out a family trust, and record it, with instructions for what to do when it's over for us. It states who has power of attorney and what our medical life support decisions are.
^^^Good post. Those are the reasons we had our attorney make out a family trust, and record it, with instructions for what to do when it's over for us. It states who has power of attorney and what our medical life support decisions are.
Having an Attorney prepare a Will, Powers of Attorney, Advanced Directives etc for you and making sure you have disability and life insurance on yourself are probably the most important things every responsible adult should do. It's amazing the number of people who do not have these things.
I don't have the disability, but this post has prompted me to consider a policy. Thanks for the post.
After also having worked in hospitals, I say I want to "die on God's time, not Man's time."
pretty vague, SouthernBelle. Does that mean you don't want any life support at all? Or do you want a respirator and don't turn it off until.......when? What about meds? If you've been on a medication, do want still want it until you die? Or not?
What about cpr? yes or no? If you're in an accident, do you want anything done?
I certainly respect your faith but have the conversation. It will help your family if/when they need the help.
pretty vague, SouthernBelle. Does that mean you don't want any life support at all? Or do you want a respirator and don't turn it off until.......when? What about meds? If you've been on a medication, do want still want it until you die? Or not?
What about cpr? yes or no? If you're in an accident, do you want anything done?
I certainly respect your faith but have the conversation. It will help your family if/when they need the help.
We have talked endlessly. If I am terminal, I want oxygen and pain meds. That’s all. No pacemaker, no vent, no NG or PEG tube feedings. If I am terminal, no blood pressure checks, no finger sticks, no catheter, nothing that is uncomfortable. I have both a POA and a health care POA, both naming my daughter (she has the same beliefs, my son does not).
Thank you . As a health care worker I think it is very stressing to see families and loved ones in this position not knowing what to do or what the patient would want done. Also equally stressful is looking into the eyes of a patient that did not want to be on life support like a terminal cancer patient and yet wakes up and finds themself on it .Knowing they are going to die so all we are doing is prolonging it yet the family insists we do everything. The look in their eyes says it all " why are you doing this to me?" as I am sure it often feels like torture to them.
When my dad was taken to the hospital and they made his diagnosis my brother called me asking what should we do?... I said nothing. I reminded him dad did not want heroics done, and the fact that my dad would not take any medicines and his condition whould have meant chemo and he would have died despite it. My dad was angry with my mom for doing chemo so there was no way he could have ever been talked into it and as I said it would not have saved him.Being reminded of my dad's wishes made his death easier for my brother. And I do believe many people would deal with that moment better if they knew how the person felt about it.
My heart goes out to all the families I have watched over the past 33 yrs go through this struggle as well as the patients I have had to take care of in this situation. I can still see so many of their faces.
Thankfully, my mom had dotted all of the i's, crossed all of the t's and had it all on paper. She had a good lawyer and a good doctor. The siblings and relatives pounded me with questions. For some reason, I was put in charge. In the end, she'd already taken care of everything. Thanks mom.
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