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He's got to want help. I just want to say, if I HAVE to sleep with my other half (guest room is taken) first of all, I do not get a good night sleep. AND I teeter on the edge of the mattress, sometimes it seems I take up about 5 inches of room. He still manages to elbow me, etc. I try to keep in mind that he can't help what he does when he's asleep.
I realize I get a bit resentful about it all so please try to talk sensibly to him and try to find solutions.
So we have only been married about 10 months, and we are using my queen size bed.
He thrashes all night long claiming there is no room for him to spread out. I normally get on the edge and stay there as I don't have these needs. When I am tired, nothing will keep me awake. He also has a tendency to drink a sip of water every 30 minutes
There may be a combination of issues at work here.
If he has a completely clogged nose due to nasal polyps, he would have to sleep with his mouth open and it would dry out. I had this happening prior to my sinus surgery.
As for the rest of it, you should try sleeping separately for now, whether or not he consents or whether or not that's what you want. Just sleep somewhere else and find out if he still thrashes when you're not there.
I don't want to get into personal details but I have had some experience with a similar phenomenon. It wasn't a sleep disorder. It was a deep-seated need for his own space. We sleep separately now and the friction is gone.
Was your DH single for a long time? Did he have any relationships prior to you?
He'll make noises and thrash around and put his pillow on top of my head and then put his shoulder and head on top of the pillow and push hard. I know he's asleep when it happens and I don't have any problem pushing him off of me. I used to try to scoot over but then I start knocking things off my night stand, so now I just head for the couch instead. We used to have a couch that felt horrible to sleep on so I replaced it with a big fluffy leather couch and furry, feather-stuffed pillows and huge throw blankets, so it's just as comfortable as my bed.
He has to go to a lot of active shooter training for his job and I think that gives him bad dreams. He doesn't remember any with pillows though. He thinks it's indigestion from spicy foods.
My mother finally went to the spare room after mega years of sleepless nights. How so many suffer due to selfish/controlling partners. Been there, love my ALONE life.
If he snores, the snoring is choking off his passageway and his brain is waking him up to catch a breath. The micro-awake episodes will get worse and he will develop high blood pressure if he doesn't already have it. Weight gain and foggy brain are the first things he might notice.
He needs to spend a night at a sleep clinic. They will hook up lots of electrodes and monitor his sleep and also try him with a CPAP machine to see if it helps.
I've been through this and it helps using the CPAP even though it's not terribly comfortable.
My mother finally went to the spare room after mega years of sleepless nights. How so many suffer due to selfish/controlling partners. Been there, love my ALONE life.
Totally agree.
Lucille Ball said that was her secret to a good marriage. Separate rooms or beds. You want to be well rested for productive times! *wink*
This is the most reasonable comment so far. Thanks.
But the recommendation to see a sleep specialist is not "reasonable"?
He might, as someone else here suggested, have sleep apnea. Or sinus problems. Or a drug or food reaction. Some of those things, left untreated, could damage his health further than even not getting enough N3, or slow-wave, sleep. The normal amount of that level of sleep is 60-120 minutes. If he's waking every 30 minutes and/or actively moving most of the night, he's probably getting 0. There are both physical and mental results to doing without that kind of sleep over a long period of time. Clinical depression is often a result of sleep disturbed over a long period of time.
You wouldn't ignore signs of hypertension, diabetes, thyroid problems, or other chronic health problems, would you? Proper sleep is just as important.
So we have only been married about 10 months, and we are using my queen size bed.
He thrashes all night long claiming there is no room for him to spread out. I normally get on the edge and stay there as I don't have these needs. When I am tired, nothing will keep me awake. He also has a tendency to drink a sip of water every 30 minutes and drops the glass on the floor often.
He does not want to throw down for a King size bed, won't take anything to help him sleep better and will not give up the nighttime water ritual. I suppose short of drugging him prior to sleep, there is nothing I can really do. If anyone has any creative ideas, please shout. (Sex doesn't help this either)
Maybe he's having an allergic reaction to you. It happens to some couples. Maybe he can get a shot like you would for hay fever.
There's a movie with Andie McDowell and John Malkovich, I think where they have separate hotel rooms, and someone asks if there's something wrong with their marriage and she says something along the lines of - sex is sex, and sleep is sleep.
Men are hard to sleep with, and their feelings get all hurt like little boys if you aren't there when they wake up. But, my life improved tremendously when I stopped caring about their need to have me there regardless of whether it meant I got no sleep or not.
I hope you guys can figure something out. But where you sleep shouldn't matter in the bigger picture. Tell him you'll both wake up frisky after a good night's sleep :-)
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