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Recently, I’ve noticed changes in my husband’s personality that I’ve found worrying. When we first got married (thirty years ago) and throughout much of our early life together, I would tell people that he was the most sane, least neurotic person I had ever met. He was the one who taught me how to stop worrying, stop complaining and generally just be happy.
Over the last few years and particularly over the last month, I’ve noticed a big change. He is himself from day-to-day, but whenever there is anything that does not go according to plan, particularly when we are traveling, a new snarky/sulky/irritated/aggressive side to him appears. Two weeks ago, we were on a flight that wound up being diverted to another airport. We wound up spending 5 hours waiting for information and standing in various lines (for hotel vouchers, for taxis, to check in to a hotel, etc.) While most people either waited calmly or joked around or got to know other people on line, he sighed, muttered, complained, fumed and/or sulked the entire time. What happened to my calm, mature husband?
Then this weekend when we checked into another hotel, he got really upset when we had to wait a whole 5 minutes to check-in. Then he got upset with me for remaining calm and not getting upset along with him. Next, he got angry at me for not bringing something that we had discussed earlier and collectively decided not to bring. At the same time, he realized that he had forgotten his knapsack (which included his laptop, his medication, etc.)
About two months ago when he was traveling without me, he also forgot to pack his computer and I had to take emergency measures to get it to him (he couldn’t do his work without it).
Then, yesterday, he came home from work an hour late (unusual) saying that he had a really bad day and that he was worried there was something wrong with him cognitively.
Here was his day: He got a late start (for whatever reason) and got stopped by the police before he even got out of our neighborhood. He said they told him he had run a “stop light.” He told me exactly where he was stopped, and I could tell that it was actually a stop sign, not a “stop light.” (There are no stop lights between our house and that point.) I asked if he had rolled through and he said he didn’t remember seeing it at all (and not even slowing down I am assuming). There is only one way out of our subdivision, no new stop signs have been put in and we have lived here over ten years and yet ....
He gets to work and is feeling slightly panicky because he has a big presentation for his boss that afternoon and it isn’t ready yet, so he dives in and spends all morning working on it. However, when he goes to the meeting with his boss, he realizes that the meeting is not that day, but the next day. He also learns that he did have another important meeting that afternoon, which he has missed because he got the days screwed up. He also made one other embarrassing mistake at work that day, but I forget exactly what it was.
Anyway, the thing that worries me the most is that he mentioned that he feels “off” cognitively.
He is 61. Two of his grandparents died of Alzheimer’s and his father eventually suffered some symptoms of dementia before he died of something else at 86. I don’t think his grandparents had early onset though.
To balance the picture, I should say that my husband has always been at least somewhat absentminded. He is a professor and back about 25 years ago, he simply forgot to go to class one day. About years ago, he missed his plane because he went to the wrong airport. Four years ago, we nearly got stuck in Russia on a visa violation because he got our airline departure time wrong. Over the past ten years, I’d say he screws up an appointment every month or so and misses a flight every couple of years due to scheduling snafus of his own making. Last year he forgot to bring enough of his medication on vacation.
He has also been upset with his own driving skills for a while now (some near misses, including one with a famous, distinguished professor in the car as a passenger, run red lights, etc.) Whenever we are out together, I try to drive as much as possible, particularly after lunch when he tends to fall asleep (!) On the other hand, the moving violation he received yesterday was the first he’s ever gotten in his entire life — so it’s not like the driving’s a catastrophe all the time.
Since he seems aware that there is a problem, my plan is to remain vigilant and suggest he see a medical professional if he has more really bad days like that. He needs to drive for his work (minimal public transportation here), so I’m not sure what to do about that. Besides, he hasn’t gotten into any accidents ... yet. His solution thus far is to start drinking coffee (never did before). He now makes sure he has some caffeine in his system before he gets into a car.
So does this sound like dementia or maybe mild narcolepsy and dementia? Or is my absent-minded husband just getting more absent-minded. Is it a bad sign that he thinks something is wrong? How about the sudden personality changes?
Of course we can't help you with a diagnosis but it is worrisome. An appt with his GP is in order for in-depth discussion...good that he realizes there's some type of problem, he can ask his questions and you ask yours...and go from there.
He needs to make an appointment with his primary care doctor and I'd definitely get a sleep study done. Does he snore? He sounds like a very tired child. Also, consider cardio issues. I know someone who had a very slow heartbeat (bradycardia) and there was marked deterioration in his pleasantness (in other words, he was a complete @ss to employees, friends and family) and thought process prior to finally getting a pacemaker. Could also be a blood sugar issue. There are lots of possibilities to consider, many of which are fixable, before considering dementia disorders.
Thanks for all the speedy responses. I think that the next time there is an issue (soon, I’m sure), I’ll suggest that he go to his PCP and at the very least request a sleep study. He does snore. I think he might also have sleep apnea. He is overweight, but not obese (BMI = 27.9) and not in shape (he has never been athletic and appears more or less “allergic” to exercise). He sees doctors regularly for Crohn’s (very mild, totally controlled with medication) and so has had blood tests regularly every three months for the past 10 years. All his blood work and blood pressure is always in the normal range. But still, the sleep is definitely an issue.
Come to think of it, he had some kind of anomaly (evidence of an old mini-stroke/small area of dead tissue?) show up on a CT scan of his brain about 4 years ago when he went to the ER for a different matter (yes, overtesting). He hasn’t followed up on this (they didn’t make it sound like a big deal at the time) but I’ll get on him to pursue this too.
Crohn's Disease puts you at risk for vitamin and mineral deficiencies like magnesium and B12. That might be another avenue to explore and ask the doctor about.
Crohn's Disease puts you at risk for vitamin and mineral deficiencies like magnesium and B12. That might be another avenue to explore and ask the doctor about.
Very good point, I didn't think of that but glad you did. I've been taking mag for so long that to me a day without mag is like a day without oxygen.
Thanks. Yes, that’s partly why he gets blood tests regularly — to check for mineral deficiencies. I will pass along the information though.
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